Posted on 06/03/2005 6:34:39 PM PDT by blam
Thank God someone smartened up.Millions of dollars have been made in the "grief" industry.
Everytime I hear them say "Grief counselors have been called in" I laugh.(Well they're cheering ME up anyway)
Oh, I know God is watching over Jan and all the babies that went before her that we knew. I have always thought since she died that she went before my mother who is 101. Jan and my mom were so close that I do not think Jan could have made it through losing her grandmother. Now, she is there to welcome her grandmother home. My mother knew something had happened to Jan before my brother and niece went out to tell her. As soon as they walked in the door, she wanted to know why my niece was crying even though she wasn't at that time. Then she said she knew something had happened to someone in the family and she had figured it out that it had to be Jan. She tells everyone that she was at Jan's funeral but she wasn't but she knows things that went on!
Hey Mama - Sorry to hear about your loss A couple of thoughts for you...I'm a Christian so of course I do not believe in making contact with the dead, as it is prohibited by the Lord in his Word. However..... I also believe he can give us dreams that have meaning. The Bible says that when we die in Christ and go to heaven, we will be given a white stone with a new name on it. This has always been one of my favorite parts of the Bible. In ancient times, a white stone was often given to people who were found NOT GUILTY during a trial, so the white stone given to us in Heaven would be our "Get Out of Jail Free" card because of Jesus. I'm not sure about the NEW NAME but I have a feeling that when we become glorified, God gives us all a new name that is meaningful to Him in who we are in Him because He is our true FATHER and the parent names the child. Hope this helps. God bless you -
My best friend died suddenly two years ago. She was 36. I know her parents have found support and care through their church. If you don't have a church (well, even if you do) then try to find a support group of others who have lost children. This isn't the same thing as grief counseling. It is a group that can understand your need to talk about your child and your hurt. You have to be able to talk about the loss with people who will just listen. Time is the only thing that will help and I doubt the total sadness will ever go away. My best friend was closer to me than my own family. Even today I find myself wanting to call her up and discuss something going on in my life. But the pain in my chest, that I got when I received the news of her death and seemed to last forever, is gone.
One was counseling.
Second was Beginning Experience.
What psychologists forget is that there is a religious side to grief counseling. They don't cover it.
Fortunately, the B. E. Weekend does. There is probably one in your area for anyone who might have lost a loved one due to death, separation, divorce, etc. Check it out, everyone!
On the B. E. weekend there are presentations by people like me who have lost a spouse. We look at ourselves, the symptoms of grief, trusting ourselves and others, trusting God, guilt, moving on with our lives, forgiveness, and reaching out to others.
After each presentation there is a reflection time and then a small group discussion time. These weekends are truly a gift of the Holy Spirit, for they are Spirit-filled and very powerful.
This is welcome news. After my grandfather died at a relatively young age, my mom was accused of not grieving sufficiently because she didn't cry. I believe that foolish and hurtful accusation only exacerbated her pain at losing her dad. It's amazing, though, how our popular culture teaches us that grieving must occur according to some sort of pattern or its not "valid".
This is welcome news. After my grandfather died at a relatively young age, my mom was accused of not grieving sufficiently because she didn't cry. I believe that foolish and hurtful accusation only exacerbated her pain at losing her dad. It's amazing, though, how our popular culture teaches us that grieving must occur according to some sort of pattern or its not "valid".
Agree with you on the length of time spent going to a counselor. I have a friend who is still going to the counselor after 25+ years. Her life is messed up and so are those of her kids.
Check out the link I just posted in #46.
May God be with you as you work through your grief.
FRmail me if you have any additional questions.
Peace,
Salvation (Click on my name to read part of my grief story.)
Hi - May God hold you in the palm of His hand and give you strength. My only child is now 28 and I cannot even begin to imagine what pain you feel. Everyone dies and nothing could be worse than to lose a child at a tender age. Your child had a purpose in this world, even if was for a short time. You may have to ponder a bit on this or maybe you know already. Suppose you knew you could have the most awesome experience - the love of your life, the joy of your soul, but that it would only last for two days and this person would not be able to be with you more than that, let alone into old age. You would grab for that. I believe we all would. No matter how fleeting, I believe we would want that wonderful joy, though short as it may be. You had that with your child. Be thankful for the indescribable blessing of knowing your precious child and loving her or him. It hurts because you still want to hold your baby and love her/him, but it is no longer so. Maybe it would help you to do something in his/her memory(if you have not done so already).Plant a beautiful tree, a gift for future generations, in honor of your child's life, or do something else to reinforce the fact that while your child is dead, your love is still alive. Death does not quench our love. I pray you God's peace and hope nothing I posted here comes out the wrong way but only as a comfort to you who are in need of it right now. I wish I could hug you or hold your hand, but hope you have someone near you who can do that for you.
While I haven't lost a child that I've seen, I've had many miscarriages. Contrary to the comments on this thread, grief counseling helped me.
If you need to talk, it's important to find people who will let you. Many of the people (mostly family) that I assumed would "be there" for me were not, and some folks that I wouldn't have counted on really came through. That's a whole other thing to deal with, and I still haven't gotten over it.
Again, my heart goes out to you, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
The counselling routinely offered to people in the immediate aftermath of a disaster seldom protects them from developing post-traumatic stress - and it could even delay their recovery.
This is the conclusion of a comprehensive review of the "single-session debriefings" offered to victims straight after an incident. In single-session debriefings, a counsellor talks to a victim to help them learn about and prepare for any psychological problems they might encounter later.
...
Three of the studies found that people who had experienced such events coped best if they had had counselling, six found it made no difference and two found that such counselling hindered people's recovery. The team has published its results in the journal Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics (vol 72, p 176).
In the same issue of the journal, its editor, Tom Sensky, points out that the findings echo those of a Dutch study published in The Lancet in September 2002. Together, they suggest that the technique should be abandoned, he says.
Wessely believes they prime people to expect that they will suffer post-traumatic stress, and that this may be enough to trigger psychological problems after an incident. Talking through the event might itself add to the trauma for some survivors. ...
Your "prize" is banishment to that corner of society which notoriously embraces common sense, while dismissing all that is "modern" and "accepted".
Welcome!
Grief Counseling has been about one thing and it's not assisting People Grieving from a loss or from psycological trauma. What it is is a jobs program for sociol workers and psycologist.
Just to frame my antipithy for psychology:
At the ripe old age of 18 I had 2 stripes on my shoulder and worked with (for) a Staff Sergent (4 stripes) who was studying for his Masters in Psychology.
Enduring such nonsense as his trying to understand my "true motivations", when I greeted him with a probing "Good Morning", got me off to a bad start.
2 undergrad classes in the subject didn't change that bias.
Next they'll be telling us that trial lawyers aren't the source of happiness.
My only son attempted suicide in Nov 2004. We are still coping with the aftermath of that.
While my experience is very diferent from yours, I have had a glimpse of what you must be going through. My heart goes out to you.
Most of the counselors that we have worked with have been less than effective. It has been a real struggle to find someone who actually helps. I do believe that our whole family needs short term counseling.
This was a serious suicide attempt. He walked a quarter of a mile from his house and shot himself with a twelve gauge shotgun, under his chin. He realized he made a mistake and walked back to his house to get help from his roomate. We are very lucky he is here today.
He is missing two inches of his jaw bone and 16 teeth. He has already had 3 surgeries and he will have a bone graft in about 4 weeks.
Awareness of mental health issues has taken on a new meaning for me after this experience. I did not realize that suicide was the 3rd leading cause of death for people in the 15-24 age group.
I don't know if I have any wisdom to share with you, but I believe everyone copes in diferent ways. Some people need to work through pain and some people need to talk about it. I also believe some sort of outlet is important, find something that is therapeautic for you. I like gardening. "You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt!"
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