Posted on 02/01/2005 1:34:24 AM PST by The Loan Arranger
I'm sure this happens to Christian teens too. I remember back in my early twenties, I fell for a guy from a local Christian college. When we got to talking about where the relationship was going, he admitted that he was thinking with his crotch, and wanted nothing more than a physical relationship. He didn't get one, although I would have liked to have planted my foot somewhere.
If you do then you are poorly informed. Some years ago Ravi Zechariahs described having gone to a Christian College to lecture on sexual/moral purity. He said that after his presentation he was besieged by students to the point of exhaustion. For many days and long hours each day he counseled young people who had wrecked themselves by trashing their sexual purity. He said one, only one, young person came to him to get direction on continued service to God.
I seriously doubt this college was any exception. This will be an overwhelmingly difficult fight for our children and they had better be prepared.
You aren't alone in that complaint. Sadly, even those churches that DO cover morality issues, rarely talk about WHY God says what He does about them. All kids hear is "don't" - but they aren't given reasons.
bump
Nothing new @ WKU (my alma mater). The Chi Ho's and the Alpha Openthigh Pi's were the big sorostitutes....
My kids stayed at home for the first part of their college daze. We white-knuckled some of those 25-mile commutes while waiting for the last child in to turn off the kitchen light. At this point, one of my prayers seems to have been answered. Like many home school families, we are seeing kids grow up to adulthood more wholesome than we were at their ages. Raising kisd in one faith (Christianity) seems to offer better hopes of success than trying to raise them in two faiths, with secular humanism proclaimed as the faith best suited for the real world.
Ne Zot! My husband listens to NPR ... THAT's where he's getting this obnoxious speech pattern. It makes me want to scream!
Great comments, gobucks, and very relevant to the article.
What you said reminds me of something I heard on a tape about child-rearing. The speaker was talking about feminism, and he said that pastors who treat feminism as "The Enemy" aren't looking deep enough. He said, "Men left their homes and families first. They decided other things were easier and more immediately gratifying than protecting their wives and children, leading them, and forming them in righteousness. Men are God's designated leaders for the family ... so why are we surprised that the women, and then the children, followed us out of the home? Men led the way when things went wrong, and men will have to lead the way to put things right."
I was proudly "anti-social" in college. My stubborness and refusal to go along with the flow (becoming an "other directed" man) has brought me nothing but success. The only thing good about college were my classes.
Bookmarking for later read.
yes. Please feel free to consider my obsession w/ the Ohio State Football team to be a small part of what I am about. The big part of what I am about deals with the torch in my heart. Boys should not be doomed to guydom. I'm in the business of making guys look 'uncool'.
That's a terrific principle! I'm making sure my daughter thinks "guys" aren't worth her time :-).
bump a keeper
I don't really think 22 years is that long ago, in the grand scheme of things ... that's around or a bit more than the lifespan of the college students we're talking about. That's when I was dating in college, and the vast majority of the women I dated were virgins (or at least acted the role convincingly) and intended to remain that way until they knew they were with the man they would marry.
What happened? Where did sanity go? Yeah, I blame the "men" (so-called) just as much as the women, but men have always been "looking for action" and women have always been smart enough to set limits to protect themselves. Why have the women so willingly swallowed the big lie that promiscuity is a good idea?
Is it that they are just so desperate for male attention, perhaps because they didn't get enough of Daddy growing up, due to a divorce? Is it because there are fewer men, and the competition is much worse? (But what are they competing for -- many of them claim they aren't fishing for any sort of committed relationship, and sex too early in a relationship usually kills any chance of that anyway.) Have they swallowed this feminist idiocy that trying to treat men like sex objects somehow empowers women? (Hint: do two wrongs ever make a right?) Is it because they've given up on waiting for marriage because they've given up on marriage? (Well, that's too bad, but it doesn't follow that picking up a drunken stranger is right solution.)
So what in heck is in it for the women? STD's? The opportunity to get pregnant by some tool who doesn't even remember their name? Ruining their ability to have a happy marriage? The wonders of having to someday explain to their teenage children that they had 30 or maybe 40 sex partners in college? What's the attraction?
And I guarantee there are nice guys, er, men, and women, too, on campus who have completely asexualized themselves because they are terrified of this cr*p and aren't sure what to do to date normally and stay out of the sewer. I might well be one, were I in college today.
[loud applause]
Someone said it 2000 years ago, "Whoever commits sin, is a slave to sin."
And this is the solution. Perhaps what the author calls Gentlemen.
...or knights.
That's a very good question. One answer is that fatherlessness has left many young women with a pathological need for male attention.
Another issue is that it is normal and healthy for young adult women to be seeking mates, but our culture is not oriented toward marriage and parenthood at 19-22. Girls are following their instincts in looking to attract men at this age, but the opportunity - or even the desire - for a Godly marriage isn't there.
Also, for most girls, the sexualized environment of college is nothing new. They'be been in it since about the 6th grade. The deal is that boys use girls for sexual gratification, and girls use boys as status symbols and to meet their need for attention and connection. It's a very unhealthy tradeoff for both sides, although condemnation is often piled on the boys because their sexual use of girls is more obvious than girls' use of boys as "markers" in girls' status competition.
Sure, there's nothing wrong with looking for a spouse in college. I did it, and I'm glad I did ... well, I hated the process, but loved the results. ;-) It doesn't mean you have to get married at 22, either, but there's nothing wrong with that if you're marrying the right person for the right reasons.
But a hook-up with a drunken stranger? That's not seeking a spouse, it's a perversion of it.
Also, for most girls, the sexualized environment of college is nothing new. They'be been in it since about the 6th grade. The deal is that boys use girls for sexual gratification, and girls use boys as status symbols and to meet their need for attention and connection.
I understand that dynamic from high school. (As an observer, not a participant.) It frightened the heck out of me when I started dating myself.
But shouldn't college-age people being growing into a more adult way of relating to each other? Or, are you saying that they've been using each other and being used by each other for so long that their ability to get to that more adult relationship pattern is destroyed? That's truly sad.
I mean, what kind of "status" could any girl gain by sleeping with a drunken stranger ... except, of course, that of a cheap slut?
This garbage is destroying our culture. The only reason the divorce rate isn't higher is that too many people are shacking up instead of marrying.
Another sad thing is that many nice young women have been inculturated into believing that it's great to collect platonic male friends, and an achievement not to have any romantic interest in them. Those are precisely the men from whom they should be picking their future spouse! After all, a good friend is reliable, caring, trustworthy, kind, generous, and communicative. Which of those traits would a normal woman not want in a future husband? "But I'm not attracted to him" they whine. Fine, then develop a strong platonic friendship with a good guy you are attracted to, then marry him.
Exactly. But look what their options are ... if you don't get married (at 19 or 22, or 24) you have no moral opportunity for sex. Their hormones are screaming, "Time to reproduce!" while their culture is telling them, "Four years of college. Two years of grad school. Four years to make Associate. Two years to buy house. Two years to buy second car." And so on. It's an unnatural situation, so of course their response is perverse.
Or, are you saying that they've been using each other and being used by each other for so long that their ability to get to that more adult relationship pattern is destroyed?
Yes, that's pretty much what I meant. And it is very sad. Most young people have spent their entire lives in age-segrated, mixed-sex incarceration. The social environment is very destructive. Girls will have sex to keep a boyfriend ... because if you've got a boyfriend, other boys will leave you alone ... and if the boyfriend has status - expensive car, sports star, or some other advantage - then other girls will be intimidated.
If's terrible for young girls (for boys, too, but girls are more physically vulnerable) because they can't escape. They have to go back there, day after day, year after year.
... many nice young women have been inculturated into believing that it's great to collect platonic male friends, and an achievement not to have any romantic interest in them ...
Good point. I think that's also a function of the emphasis on later marriage. Young women naturally look for kindness and attention from men. (They should have experienced it with their fathers, but too few have.) So when they find a man who is kind and attentive, they think that expressing a romantic interest - maybe leading to marriage - will drive him away.
I don't know whether that's universally true ... it's possible that a nice young man would find he's ready for marriage, with a nudge from a decent girl. But many of both sexes just don't see any benefit in marriage, especially with the distorted ideas of marriage that they've seen on TV, movies, or their own families.
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