Here Comes The Judge

The Smoking Gun ^ | 06/24/2004 | Staff

[Hawk44]

While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist. According to the below complaint filed by the Oklahoma Attorney General, Donald D. Thompson, 57, was caught in the act by a clerk, trial witnesses, and his longtime court reporter (these unsettling first-hand accounts will make you wonder what's going on under other black robes). Visitors to Thompson's Creek County courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." Thompson, the complaint charges, even pumped himself up during an August 2003 murder trial. The AG's petition quotes Thompson (pictured above) as admitting that the pump was "under the bench" during the murder case (and at other times), but he denied using the item, which was supposedly a "gag gift from a friend."

[Hawk44]

Earl Stanley Gardner would call this "The case of the Jacking Jurist". I wonder if the judge handed out stiff justice to others in court.

[Numbers Guy]

It's really worth it to read the entire piece at the Smoking Gun. You'll be laughing your head off.

[Chad Fairbanks]

No wonder Justice is Blind...

[Chad Fairbanks]

It makes one wonder how many suspects got off, too...

[ladtx]

This has to be a joke. No one is that stupid.

[wallcrawlr]

Pictures were taken....oh my.

[Area51]

Gives new meaning to banging the gavel...

[Hawk44]

Too bad he is not the judge in the Kobe Bryant case as he could really pleasure himself with the accusers panties. But, would Kobe get off?

What a great scene on Court TV. Imagine Mel Brooks as the judge.

[Steven W.]

Bill Clinton is serving on the bench ????

[lawdave]

This has to be a joke. No one is that stupid.

No joke. I am an attorney and I have appeared before this judge on occasion. These allegation s have been circulating for some time. Further this complaint, per the Smoking Gun's copy, comes from a referral by the counsel on judicial complaints. He's toast.

[PackerBoy]

I guess his member was "out of order."

[HEY4QDEMS]

[PackerBoy]

In Columbus, Ohio, none of our judges is quite that colorful. Although there are plenty of rumors.

[HEY4QDEMS]

I'm sure he could find a job on the bench in Massachusetts.

[ladtx]

I'm speechless.

[singletrack]

" The PENAL code? I'm sorry, I thought you said PENILE, my mistake. Sorry".

[Area51]

Aw shucks folks someone lend the poor judge a hand!
With all his attachments it appears he needs a couple.


Paging Bwarney Fwank.

[StarFan]

I'm sure he could find a job on the bench in Massachusetts.

Or the 9th Circuit where they've been jerking our chains for years.

[PatrickHenry]

He'll probably get off easy.

[COUNTrecount]

I guess it's a case of premature adjudication.

[Gator113]

There is nothing in the Constitution that requires a separation of Masturbation and the State, thus I am very surprised that the ACLU and the lib's are not all over this one.

[JIM O]

OK, here goes

am I the only one that does not know what a male enhancement pump is?

[hunter112]

Small claims court, insufficient evidence.

[kimoajax]

Gives a whole new meaning when the judge says, "okay, let's hand in your briefs."

[Junior]

Dude! You owe me a keyboard and monitor!

[Hawk44]

Simce most defendants are relieved of a wad in court, he is a true "people's judge".

[Chad Fairbanks]

Sorry ;0)

[Junior]

So, you think he'll beat the rap?

[Junior]

Check your email, or watch Austin Powers.

[Chad Fairbanks]

Some of us know what they are, and just laugh at those puny fools who need them bwaaaahahahahahahahahaha. Ha.

[TheCrusader]

gives a new meaning to "Here cum da judge"

[kimoajax]

This should come as no real surprise. Absolutely terrible judges are being allowed to stay on the bench throughout this country because of a glaring conflict of interest financial/political relationship they have with the law firms who try cases before them.

Out here in Portland Oregon there was a Judge who every lawyer in town knew was a terrible drunk and next to useless on the bench. Some of his decisions were absolutely bizarre. He would actually fall asleep at the bench and the balif or court reporter would kick the bench to wake him up. I saw this first hand myself. Yet, right as rain, every election cycle every law firm of any note in town would contribute substantial funds to his campaign...because they were afraid not to...and he would get reelected. He eventually retired.

[agsloss]

Wasn't there a Supreme Court Justice by the name of Learned Hand?

[agsloss]

de minimis non curat lex.

[Born Conservative]

I don't think I've ever heard of a judge with hairy palms...

[Born Conservative]

ISHP ping

[Temple Owl]

He sounds like an Arkansas Democrat.

[freekitty]

Great title.

[King Prout]

Vice Court, Judge Harry Palmer presiding

[ItsTheMediaStupid]

So did you feel screwed when you heard the swooshing sound followed by grunts and sighs from the Judge?

[martin_fierro]

No amateurs, please. Send FReepmail if you want on/off ISHP list

[martin_fierro]

While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself...

More like OH!klahoma

[lawdave]

I never heard a thing. But he screwed me in court several times.

[MassExodus]

Just WAIT until Alan Keyes hears about this one ...

[Constitution Day]

He should've used Enzyte™.

Just take a look at Smilin' Bob:

He's Steppin' Large and Laughin' Easy!

[Xenalyte]

Bacon, over here!

This is one of those times when the jokes just write themselves.

[Xenalyte]

Let me ask you this, since you kinda sorta know the participants. Why on earth did the court reporter not report this to her superiors THE VERY FIRST TIME IT HAPPENED? Why let it happen 15 or 20 times?

[Eaker]

I see you pinged Dix.

How appropriate!!!

[Xenalyte]

On this thread in particular, we MUST have Dix.

[Hawk44]

Please make your opening statements complete
while I stroke and beat my meat
If you have an orifice where Mr. Happy will fit
then I certainly will come and then acquit