Posted on 12/22/2003 7:39:15 AM PST by Theodore R.
Stressors of the season Experts recommend exercise, rest and relaxation to keep holiday headaches at bay
By Michelle Dynes rep2@wyomingnews.com Published in the Wyoming Tribune-Eagle
CHEYENNE - While Christmas brings to mind nativity scenes, Santa Claus and mistletoe, other people may be thinking of family fights and January bills.
The holidays can cause headaches, mostly stemming from added stress.
Stressors are defined as anything that causes stress, but these can be positive or negative.
Negative stressors around the holidays could be family arguments or money worries. But even things people normally enjoy can cause stress, such as visiting friends or family, wrapping gifts or decorating the house.
While there are lots of stressors every day, these can be amplified during the holidays. And there are just as many unhealthy ways to cope with the extra stress.
"Probably the biggest reason (for holiday stress) is people have such high expectations," said Cheyenne psychologist Pru Marshall.
She said sometimes people spread themselves too thin trying to create that elusive perfect Christmas. Television, magazines and commercials can push the idea that with the right about of work and money, any consumer can have the perfect holiday.
Parents feel the pressure
This ideal starts early. Most of these expectations are left over from childhood, where fantasies were easier to create. While reality may never have lived up to that expectation, children can overlook holes in the fabric, she said. Also, parents may have driven themselves crazy to create that one flawless moment for their children.
But from then on, people can be taught to "try to create a wonderful picture book idea of how Christmas is supposed to be."
Adults now in the role of parents feel a sense of failure when reality doesn't live up to the ideal, said Cheyenne family and marriage counselor Martin Hardsocg. He said the larger the difference between reality and fantasy, the greater the anxiety.
Marshall said because of this unrealistic goal, the stressors people face at Christmas are unique to the season.
Some traditional annual stressors include trying to buy the perfect gift to go with the perfect Christmas. Spending money is a primary source of stress, Marshall said. She said people can overspend and get caught up in the need to buy, sometimes taking on more than they can manage financially.
That's what stresses out Tammy Ennen. She said for her, gift buying is always a last-minute chore that she has to squeeze in around her work schedule.
Marshall said this need for gifts goes back to the goal of creating a perfect Christmas. She said women especially may try to re-create the holidays of their youth, trying to do things exactly the way their mothers did. This could mean spending time baking Christmas cookies or putting together an elaborate holiday feast. It also could mean attending Christmas concerts, looking at Christmas decorations or building a snowman with the whole family.
Keeping up with the pace
But it can be difficult to schedule in the numerous activities and parties. And people may get stressed when they can't find the time to get the shopping done, mail out Christmas cards and attend a school play.
Deadlines also can play a big part, Hardsocg said. He said there are deadlines for such things as mailing packages and getting the tree put up.
It can be difficult to keep that pace, especially when new obligations and appointments are piled upon the everyday tasks, he said.
Marshall said those childhood memories come from a different time and place. People today are constantly multi-tasking, juggling work with families, sometimes with stepfamilies thrown into the mix.
Families of divorce can face their own set of stressors. Marshall said for those who value family time during the Christmas holiday, not being together can be upsetting. Children also may feel responsible for a parent being alone during the holiday.
But even without divorce, family stress is common.
Hardsocg said he sees plenty of couples who find their relationships are strained during the season. He said a lot of this annoyance and agitation stems from being forced out of normal patterns and normal ways of interacting.
For example, couples may find themselves home more often, whether it's to decorate the house or plan a party. This can mean "less of the solitary time we need," he said.
During the holidays, many people also deal with visiting relatives.
Winter weather traveling stresses Laura Macomber, especially since her family is traveling to Illinois this year for the holiday.
Marshall said there's also the idea that during Christmas, families are supposed to be together and have that closeness and intimacy. But at the same time, hosts might be faced with family members they don't have a good relationship with during the rest of the year. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean all those feelings can be buried.
And there are always unexpected sources of family stress.
Family members coming back from their first year away at college may have trouble re-adjusting to the structure and rules at home. Marshall said these students have spent several months on their own and may find living at home again strange.
"Parents haven't adjusted to that," she said.
College students also can feel disconnected and alienated while they're away from their new friends. Marshall said they might no longer have old high school connections to rely on.
Dealing with holiday blues
All of this adult anxiety also can have negative affects on children, she said.
"Children can pick up on stress," she said. "Parents can be short with them, and it's scary to have grown-ups fighting."
Children can become more anxious, sensing that something is wrong even if they don't know what it is, said Hardsocg.
Another unexpected source of stress can be celebration after a loss. Marshall said the first year after a job loss, divorce or loss of a loved one can be very difficult, especially around the holidays. She said people may start to remember how things were the previous years and sink into depression.
"The first year after a major loss is very difficult," she said. "The second year is hard also, but that first year is the hardest."
Hardsocg said any anniversary of a loss is stressful, whether it's Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter. During these holidays, the absence or loss is felt more intensely.
And while people with families face a great deal of stress, so do people who are alone during the holiday.
"I think the holiday blues is very real," Marshall said. "It happens. It comes from thinking everyone is having a good, close, wonderful time when we're lonely and isolated, when we're supposed to be having a good time."
She said for someone who is already depressed, the holidays could make the situation worse. She said it could put someone who is normally coping over the edge.
In some cases, depression could be the result of seasonal affective disorder, Hardsocg said. As the seasons get colder and darker, the chemicals in the brain that are normally stimulated by sunlight don't get that serotonin stimulation. He said this period could last from the middle of November to as late as March or even April.
People who are normally depressed feel their condition worsen during the colder months and especially at Christmas when they are surrounded by joy and merriment.
"It can make them feel even more isolated and reclusive," he said. "You can be in a crowd and still feel alone."
Stress leads to illness
All of this stress also can have some very unhealthy effects.
During times of stress, the immune system is weakened. Marshall said the threat of illness is made even worse when packing people into small areas for church functions, Christmas concerts and school productions. She said in many cases kids are upstage coughing and sniffling, while their parents are sitting in the audience doing the same.
And since schedules are already thrown out of whack with kids out of school and parties to attend, some people may not be getting enough sleep. This also can lower the immune system's defenses.
Stress also can affect eating habits. And with lots of cookies and fudge readily available, Marshall said some people might face a sugar overload. Chronic stressors are already at risk for overeating.
"It nurtures and soothes us," she said. "It's a temporary fix."
But the most unhealthy side effect of Christmas stress is extreme alcohol consumption. Marshall said alcohol is often used as another quick solution to stress.
"It helps take the edge off things," she said.
Hardsocg said the overindulgence of alcohol and drugs, as well as aggressive driving, are all negative signs of stress.
Tips for alleviating stress
To avoid an unhealthy and unhappy holiday season, Marshall said there are several things to do to alleviate stress.
The number one thing is to take a timeout. She said it's important to still make time for exercise, meditation or relaxing - whatever it is that eases stress levels.
"This often gets shifted to the bottom of the list," she said.
Hardsocg said, "Exercise is a great stress reliever."
Marshall said stress problems couldn't be solved without a deep breath and a moment to sort things out. With a little relaxation, it might even be easier to let go of some of the expectations and demands. It also will boost energy levels. Marshall suggested reducing the number of holiday activities and trying to keep it simple.
"Sitting at home and chatting, relaxing, is a wonderful way to spend time with friends and family and have that closeness people so desperately want," she said. "It's a way to feel that sense of togetherness."
She said another way to feel that togetherness is to develop a strong support network. She said one year her own friends all agreed to call each other on Christmas Eve. For someone facing a lonely holiday, it doesn't hurt to hear that somebody cares, she said. It also could help to have someone to call if a family vacation goes haywire.
"(Friends) may be busy, but no one is too busy to take a phone call," she said.
Another way to dodge stress is sitting down and talking with family members ahead of time. Marshall said sometimes just discussing how to go about the holiday, what to spend and what activities to attend can avoid stress later.
Hardsocg said families should draft a holiday budget and stick to it. When faced with everyday stresses, he said it might help to write out a list of what needs to be done.
But Marshall said it's important to know what is really worth spending time doing.
"Ask yourself, 'What can I reduce?'" she said. "'What do I really need to be doing?' 'How do I really want to spend my time?' 'What's best for me?'"
She said the most important thing is to take time out to relax, even if it doesn't seem like there is any extra time available.
"It's not selfish to take care of ourselves," she said. "We'll have more to give to others if we take care of ourselves first."
But not everyone finds the season stressful.
"I don't feel stressful," said Dominic Gregorio. "(Christmas) is all about family."
Luana Krause said she doesn't find the holiday stressful either.
"I look forward to it every year," she said. "It's a nice time to be with family and friends and go to church and sing Christmas carols."
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