Their Master's Voice (Dowd wants Cheney fired)

The New York Times ^ | 11/13/03 | Maureen Dowd

[Pokey78]

WASHINGTON — It must be the voice.

It is the basso pretendo profundo voice of the dean of boys in a strict private school. At the tables of power, he speaks so sparsely and softly in that low hypnotic monotone, with that lower jaw tilting to the side in a self-assured "I only talk out of one side of my mouth" kind of way, that others at the table have no choice but to listen up. He is the one who must be obeyed.

Dick Cheney's dry Wyoming voice has the same effect on some male Republicans, starting at the very top, and even some journalists, that a high-pitched whistle has on a dog. How else to explain the vice president's success in creating a parallel universe inside the White House that is shaping the real universe?

Congressman Charles Rangel of New York introduced a resolution this week urging President Bush to fire Donald Rumsfeld for misleading the American public about how well the war and the occupation are going, and for sending American forces into battle "without adequate planning" and showing "a lack of sensitivity" about U.S. casualties.

Certainly, Rummy is a worthy target. But maybe Mr. Rangel should aim higher. If the Pentagon is responsible for mismanaging the occupation in Iraq, it is the vice president's office that is responsible for the paranoid vision — the with-us-or-against-us bicep flex against the world — that got us into this long, hard slog.

This week's Newsweek cover on the vice president and a recent article by Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker raise the question of whether, as Newsweek puts it, "Cheney had, in effect, become the dupe of a cabal of neoconservative full-mooners, the Pentagon's mysteriously named Office of Special Plans and the patsy of an alleged bank swindler and would-be ruler of Iraq, Ahmad Chalabi."

Mr. Cheney's parallel universe is a Bizarro world where no doubts exist. He indulges in extremes of judgment, overpessimistic about our ability to contain Saddam and overoptimistic about the gratitude we would encounter as "liberators" in Iraq.

In Cheneyworld, the invasion of Iraq has made the world a safer place (tell it to the Italians), W.M.D. are still concealed in all those Iraqi basements, every Iraqi insurgent is a card-carrying member of Al Qaeda, and the increase in attacks on Americans reflects the guerrillas' desperation, not their strengths. Guerrilla attacks on American soldiers are labeled acts of terrorism rather than acts of war, even though the official U.S. definition describes terrorism as attacks on civilians.

As Eric Schmitt reported in The Times this week, Mr. Cheney has in recent speeches implied that Al Qaeda is responsible for the major attacks in Iraq this past summer, even though senior military and intelligence officials say there is no conclusive evidence for that. Clearly, Mr. Cheney remains oblivious to the fact that the president has already had to correct the vice president's previous assertion that the government did not know whether Saddam Hussein had a connection to the 9/11 attacks. Mr. Bush conceded that "no, we've had no evidence that Saddam Hussein was involved with September the 11th."

But while some have suggested that the president feels let down by Mr. Rumsfeld, he still seems seduced by the siren call of that deep Cheney voice and lugubrious Cheney world view. As Newsweek suggested, quoting those who know him: "Cheney has always had a Hobbesian view of life. The world is a dangerous place; war is the natural state of mankind; enemies lurk."

Mr. Cheney's darkness ends up dominating Mr. Bush's lightness.

As Newsweek noted, the vice president cherry-picks the intelligence, then feeds his version of reality to Mr. Bush. The president leaves himself open to manipulation because, by his own admission, he doesn't read the papers and relies on his inner circle to filter information to him.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported yesterday that the C.I.A. had issued a top-secret report from Iraq, endorsed by Paul Bremer, warning that growing numbers of Iraqis are concluding that the U.S. can be defeated and are supporting the insurgents.

The question is whether other voices can ever break through that sonorous ominous murmuring in the president's ear.

[Pokey78]

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From Oxblog:

IMMUTABLE LAWS OF DOWD

1. Ashcroft never deserves credit.

2. Offering constructive solutions to problems, instead of whining endlessly about them, is a sign of weakness.

3. The People Magazine principle: all political phenomena can be explained with reference solely to caricatures of the personalities involved ("Dubya" is stupid; "Poppy" is an aristocrat; Cheney is macho-man; etc.). Any reference to the common good or even to old-fashioned politicking is, like, so passe.

4. It is much better to be cute than coherent.

5. Maureen knows best. Her long years as a columnist (doing basically what your great-aunt Tillie does in the nursing home bull sessions, but getting paid for it) have given her deep insight into foreign relations, politics, welfare, the Constitution, and all other topics. To disagree with Maureen in any way is not only a sign of being wrong, it's a hallmark of pure evil...or at least membership in the NRA, which is pretty much the same thing.

6. It is usually possible and always desirable to name-drop and name-call in the same sentence.

7. The particulars of my consumer-driven, shamefully self-involved life reveal universal truths.

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Explanation of the Dowd/Douglas connection: by Miss Marple- 2/11/03

Ms. Dowd was escorted around New York and DC for many months by one Michael Douglas of Hollywood fame and fortune. She got to go to all the best parties, was photographed for the tabloids, and was picking out a gown to wear at the Oscars. Of course, Michael had become interested in her during Clinton's impeachment, when she had written some very anti-Clinton columns. After a few weeks of the Michael treatment, she began to write anti-Starr, ant-Newt columns, ignoring Clinton.

Then Clinton was acquitted by the Senate. In an amazing coincidence, Michael Douglas dropped Ms. Dowd like a hot potato, and instead picked up a hot tomato, Catherin Zeta-Jones, who subsequently bore him a son and they were married.

Ms. Dowd cannot get over her tragic loss. Her columns are increasingly anti-Bush, in the hope of impressing her lost love, Michael.

In addition, we think she has a secret crush on the President and is trying to get him to pay attention to her. Ha!

[Blackyce]

How would one go about firing the Vice President of the United States?

[MHGinTN]

Translation of Dowd's sour remarks ... Cheney's gravitas is too great for democrat competition, so Maureen and her cronies want him to exit the scene, to make it fair. Interestingly, President Bush now has the gravitas. Nya nya, Maureen, your 9 clown caucus is impotent!

[okie01]

"How would one go about firing the Vice President of the United States?"

An impeachment proceeding.

Mo may not be up to speed on the subject...

[Democratshavenobrains]

If the Left hated Saddam as much as Chalabi, this war would have happened 10 years ago.

[Brett66]

Is it that time of the month again?

[Publius6961]

What's a Maureen Dowd?

[Free ThinkerNY]

Dowd and her ilk are hoping that we fail in Iraq. Their pathological hatred of Bush is all that matters to them. Pathetic.

[MEG33]

Dowd is,I can assure you ,not worth your time to read her.

[Robe]

Dowd is the modern day traitor b!tch

[blam]

The Mobile Register cancelled Dowd's articles when she change the meaning of something GWB said.

[Cicero]

The only thing worse than Dowd's politics is her dreary writing style. She is racing Molly Ivins to the bottom of the barrel.

Why would the NY Times give such a coveted job to a woman with no intelligence, no contacts with or knowledge of any of the people she regularly pretends to write about, and a tin ear as a writer?

[vbmoneyspender]

How would one go about firing the Vice President of the United States?

You have to get caught taking a bribe like Spiro Agnew did.

[dead]

The spinster cat lady checks in.

I'll bet she wears a sweater in August and gets taunted by the neighborhood kids about her smell.

[ABG(anybody but Gore)]

Mr. Cheney's parallel universe is a Bizarro world where no doubts exist. He indulges in extremes of judgment, overpessimistic about our ability to contain Saddam and overoptimistic about the gratitude we would encounter as "liberators" in Iraq.

Ms. Dowd's parallel universe is a Bizarro world where no doubts exist. She indulges in extremes of bourbon, pessimistic about the ability of the 9 dwarves to contain Bush(every drunk has their lucid moments) and overoptimistic about the gratitude she would encounter as a RAT toady(see Michael Douglas).

[Senator Goldwater]

"Why would the NY Times give such a coveted job to a woman with no intelligence, no contacts with or knowledge of any of the people she regularly pretends to write about, and a tin ear as a writer?"

They hired Jayson Blair, didn't they?

[Senator Goldwater]

"I'll bet she wears a sweater in August and gets taunted by the neighborhood kids about her smell"

God, I'm having this laminated.

[Petronski]

Dear Mo:

To relieve the symptoms of menopause, doctors may prescribe postmenopausal hormone therapy. This can involve the use of either estrogen alone or with another hormone called progesterone, or progestin in its synthetic form. The two hormones normally help to regulate a woman's menstrual cycle. Progestin is added to estrogen to prevent the overgrowth (or hyperplasia) of cells in the lining of the uterus. This overgrowth can lead to uterine cancer. If you haven't had a hysterectomy, you'll receive estrogen plus progestin therapy; if you have had a hysterectomy, you'll receive estrogen-only therapy. Hormones may be taken daily (continuous use) or on only certain days of the month (cyclic use).

[Reagan Man]

Another fine example of Maureen Dowd, being out of her mind.

[Texagirl4W]

Is she and Helen Thomas related?