Helping child with homework may not be the answer needed

The Commercial Appeal, Memphis ^ | October 28, 2003 | Dr. Yvonne Fournier

[willieroe]

[Letter:] My son recently started fractions in school. When his teacher assigned homework problems, my son struggled to understand his notes and recall the teacher's explanations. He finally came to me for help.

To encourage him and help him understand that he can get this stuff, I told him, "That's easy!" and taught him some of the shortcuts I use to figure out fractions. I must have done the wrong thing, because he became terribly frustrated and wound up in tears.

Most parents have heard their children complain, "I don't know how to do it!" The natural inclination is to respond, "Let me help." Unfortunately, this can lead parents to cross the line of parenting into teaching. Instead of feeling helped, many children feel alone, intimidated and, finally, humiliated.

When your son asks for help, you need to make a crucial distinction: Is he ready to practice, or does he need more teaching?

It is a parent's job to develop in their children the skill of responsibility - skills that lead to responsible actions. But developing responsibility and teaching can be two different things.

Parents must realize that just because a child has been taught, it does not necessarily follow that the child has yet learned, or taken ownership of knowledge. Some children might have been taught enough that minimal additional guidance will lead them to learning. However, parents who cannot clarify a concept for their child within 10 to 15 minutes should realize that their child needs more teaching.

The parent's job is teaching responsibility, not teaching schoolwork.

What to do

When your child asks for help, sit down in a quiet spot - away from the homework area - and ask for a brief explanation of the problem. If you believe your child is ready for learning but just lacks a little bit to get started, try to fill in the gap. This gentle nudge toward learning should not take more than 10 or 15 minutes.

If your child does not understand the concepts, additional teaching should be done by a teacher and not a parent. Help your child understand what pieces of information are missing, and then phrase it in a specific question for the teacher. Many children will be afraid of taking questions to the teacher, but learning how to ask for information is an important part of the education process. Expect hesitancy and fear, but encourage your child to overcome them. After all, knowing what you don't know is the key to being a knowledgeable person.

Let your child's teacher know that you will be using this method. Initially, the teacher might want you to sign the child's questions to know that you have discussed the problem together.

Do not confuse your roles. Just as we parents must refrain from being at-home teachers, we also must refrain from asking teachers to be substitute parents. When each job is fulfilled in the student-educator-parent learning partnership, the job of learning how to learn becomes easier.

And we parents can enjoy just being parents.

Parents, teachers and students may send their questions to Dr. Yvonne Fournier, 5900 Poplar Ave., Memphis, Tenn. 38119; E-mail yf7thsense@aol.com. Questions can only be answered in future columns.

[willieroe]

I just read this and thought it appropriate for discussion in lieu of the recent thread: Quick! Basic Algebrba Help needed! Having no children of my own, I nevertheless noticed the anti-homeschool stance that the author takes in the last two paragraphs.

[Always Right]

If your child does not understand the concepts, additional teaching should be done by a teacher and not a parent.

Oh puh_leeeeeeeeeeeeeeez. What a load.

[potlatch]

My father helped me when I was in school. When my son started third grade and was having trouble with math, I tried to help him.

It didn't work well, he would argue and get mad at me. We finally hired a college student to tutor him and that worked very well.

[Politicalmom]

"...taken ownership of knowledge"

What a load of Barbra Streisand!!!

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

[potlatch]

I think that's called "double-speak", LOL.

[Richard Kimball]

The author is a Doctor, an idiot, and a pantload. The fact that she, A DOCTOR!!!!! is too stupid to help her child with fractions does not mean that stoopid ole fire fighters lack me err two stoopid too hep hour kids wit der homwerk.

Seriously, no one should be stupid enough to accept this "leave the teaching to the professionals" nonsense. If being a parent isn't teaching, raising and protecting your children, what is it?

[nothingnew]

I read that and it made me titrted!

FMCDH

[x1stcav]

What unmitigated crap.

If it wasn't for me, what with a public school education back when they taught a classic curriculae of RRR's, the kids would've never survived New math, Whole Language, and all of the other leftist educational experimantation tried back in the 70's California schools.

This woman is an idiot, pure and simple.

[Teacher317]

NO kidding. Sadly, though, most teachers want it done THEIR WAY, and will NOT accept even mathematically proper alternatives. I never understood that.

[swany]

Don't you mean twitterpated!! :)

[swany]

From the article: Do not confuse your roles. Just as we parents must refrain from being at-home teachers, we also must refrain from asking teachers to be substitute parents. When each job is fulfilled in the student-educator-parent learning partnership, the job of learning how to learn becomes easier.

They use math as an example, what they really mean is Social Studies and History.

[Essie]

I frequently helped my children get their school work done because most of the time there was little or no teaching in school. What they did have was a never-ending, mind-numbing stack of worksheets. Boring is not an appropriate work. There is no word in this language to express how mind dulling this kind of education is.

Last year my son missed something one of his teacher's said. After class, he asked the teacher to repeat the fact. The teacher's reply, "Don't you listen!"

[irv]

The parent's job is teaching responsibility, not teaching schoolwork.

My father taught me long division out of a 100 year old textbook. My grades were poor because I wasn't doing it the way the teacher taught it (New Math - I just couldn't understand it). But I was one of the only people in class to consistently get the correct answers.

Bottom line: The HUGE mistake this idiot makes is that a parent's job is to do WHATEVER THE KID NEEDS. Whether the teachers like it or not.

[Rocky]

Some teachers are not truly comfortable with their own subject and only recognize one right way to work problems. They become petty tyrants. They are more focused on bolstering their own weak sense of self-worth than imparting wisdom and knowledge to students.

Personally, I was blessed with some excellent teachers, who demonstrated a lot of flexibility and encouraged rather than discouraged their students. But I had friends who sat under other, lesser instructors and, unfortunately, some of my friends were persuaded that they just couldn't get it. So they gave up.

Teachers can make or break a student. The one who wrote the article above probably does more of the latter.

[willieroe]

Teachers can make or break a student. The one who wrote the article above probably does more of the latter.

No, actually Dr. Yvonne Fournier is owner and president of a business called Fournier Learning Strategies in Memphis, apparently to teach students, parents and counselors "how" to learn.

[mvpel]

Homefeeding Children: Threat or Menace?
By Lydia McGrew
CNSNews.com Satire
June 12, 2002

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The recent tragic death from malnutrition of seven-year-old Johnny Marfan of Bensonville draws our attention to the growing trend toward so-called "homefeeding."

While the majority of the local children still receive their nutrition from state cafeterias or approved, registered private cafeterias, a growing minority of parents - hundreds by some estimates - are engaged in homefeeding, a practice in which children receive at least breakfast and dinner in their own homes as provided by their parents.

In accordance with law, the Marfans informed the state health department that they were homefeeding Johnny. But in this state, homefeeding is relatively unregulated, giving carte blanch to parents to feed their children virtually any food under the sun; meat, milk, cookies, butter, pie - anything goes.

Some states require parents to have a certified degree in nutrition or at least be monitored by an accredited nutritionist. But here, parents do not even have to fill out periodic reports detailing what they are feeding their children.

Opponents of homefeeding argue that parents like the Marfans used homefeeding as a cover for abuse and neglect, with terrible results. While this remains in question, we've seen nothing to disprove this.

Calista Nicole-Carson of the state Department of Cafeterias and Caloric Monitoring says, "I realize that there are conscientious parents who genuinely try to feed their children what they need. But they should have no objection to filling out the forms we are introducing, describing each of the meals they give."

That seems a reasonable step in safeguarding our most precious resource - our children. "Pro-active steps are necessary to insure we are protecting all children," says Nicole-Carson. "It is ridiculous not to monitor what all children are fed because of a misguided concern for 'privacy' or 'freedom,' and such lack of regulation allows children to slip fatally through the cracks."

Other critics are concerned about parents' lack of necessary qualifications. "Every year we make new nutritional discoveries," says Dr. Sue d'Panzoff of the University of Omasota. "Parents cannot possibly keep up with each breakthrough in nutritional science and give their children these benefits."

It's preposterous for us to leave such vital functions to amateurs who claim authority based on something as flimsy as parenthood, particularly in the realm of keeping pace with nutritional advances.

"Who knows what changes we may need to make next year to improve children's nutrition," asks d'Panzoff. "At a minimum, homefeeding programs must be carefully monitored in the domicile to make sure all the latest advances are represented."

Still others point out the social skills homefed children are missing. Ms. Nicole-Carson tells us, "During meals at the public cafeterias, these children watch educational videos about crucial subjects like the environment, sex, and the evils of capitalism. The food itself is culturally diversified, and each day the children are taught a different set of table manners from another culture around the world."

Homefeeders rely in large part on outmoded history in defending their decision to place their own children out of the mainstream.

"As recently as 1992, the majority of children in the United States were homefed," says Philip Flicka, of the right-wing Home Food Legal Defense Association. "Even when kids went to school, they were allowed to bring lunches packed by their moms."

Whether Mr. Flicka is right or not, it seems that homefeeding is here to stay, consequences be damned. But we cannot be too vigilant. Homefeeders of good will should, as Ms. Nicole-Carson says, be entirely open to having their homes and programs monitored by qualified nutritionists for the good of our children.

Any small amount of time and privacy this costs parents will be more than repaid in lives saved. If the Marfans had been properly monitored, Johnny would still be alive.

There is nothing more valuable than the life and safety of a child, and for that reason, strictures on homefeeding must be tightened in this state.

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[liberty or death]

What a bunch of crap! Being the parent of 5 I have shown every one of them how to do their math. The teachers were good at handing stuff out but lousy at teaching. Mine are all homeschooled now. Public school as a whole is a cultural moat/sewer waiting to swallow your children.

[GOPrincess]

"Just as we parents must refrain from being at-home teachers,"

What on earth does that mean? Parents teach a child long before he or she ever meets a teacher...

[yevgenie]

The author is a Doctor, an idiot, and a pantload. The fact that she, A DOCTOR!!!!! is too stupid to help her child with fractions does not mean that stoopid ole fire fighters lack me err two stoopid too hep hour kids wit der homwerk. Seriously, no one should be stupid enough to accept this "leave the teaching to the professionals" nonsense. If being a parent isn't teaching, raising and protecting your children, what is it? Dr. Yvonne Fournier, president of Fournier Learning Strategies, writes the Hassle-Free Homework column for The Commercial Appeal. She is a graduate of the University of Puerto Rico and the University of Memphis. [REF] Also see [ 1 ]

Oh yeah, and she is not a medical doctor. I think she got a PhD in education.

[Always Right]

NO kidding. Sadly, though, most teachers want it done THEIR WAY, and will NOT accept even mathematically proper alternatives. I never understood that.

Actually it is pretty easy to understand. Most teachers math is their absolute worst subject, and if you don't follow their method they really don't know if it is a correct. Some people are actually terrified of math, even simple math. I had a third grade teacher who insisted that you could not subtract 5 from 3. I used the example of a thermometer with negative numbers but she kept insisting it was impossible.