"First, get a million dollars"
Posted on 06/19/2020 10:38:55 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A union boss walks into a bar from the factory next door, and is about to order a beer, when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a "TRUMP, Make America Great Again" cap with a mug of beer sitting in front of him.
The union boss doesn't need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican, so he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender.... but not for the 'Republican."
Soon after the drinks have been passed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the 'Union Boss'.
After a few minutes, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He nods and smiles, and again yells, "Thank you!"
A few more minutes pass and the union boss orders another round of drinks for everyone except the Republican.
Frustrated that he can't seem to get the guy angered, the union boss asks the bartender, "What is wrong with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the dummy does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts...?"
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns this place."
MY ADVICE TO ALL DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, AND ALL LEFTIES: WHEN YOUR HORSE DIES, ITS TIME TO DISMOUNT..
What did we say about being an Einstein? Guess it's time to go back to the 'Lower Education' that you missed out on! You just got schooled!
Questions and Answers from
CARP Forum
CARP - Canadian Association of Retired People
Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find
younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under
Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going
through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can
finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your
over-70 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you’re
pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the
elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your
glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet
and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them
out.
Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet
parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your
car
Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have
problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it
is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the
afternoon.
Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye
glasses?
A: On their
foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus
year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember
these!”
SMILE,
You’ve still got your sense of
humor, haven’t you?
Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger ANY women who are interested in them?
**Where should 70 somethings look for eyeglasses?
Answer: On their foreheads!
GUILTY as charged! and I’m only 63.
The frantic search for those glasses can go one for quite some time. When I find them, I’m thinking: “Thank God nobody saw me doing this (again).”
Guilty;)
“Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?” >>>>
Florida.
Specifically:
Tampa Bay area. There are thousands of lonely seniors who place personal ads.
I once worked at a civil engineering firm in Cincinnati that was THE most uncivil place I had ever worked in my life. It is a wonder I didn’t punch someone out. I saw a guy in the elevator once and told him he didn’t want to work there. He owned the place, lol.
That’s a good one!
I don’t THINK I’ve done that yet. Not sure.
In the vain of "dismount," reminds me of a joke between husband & wife.
A husband wanting to get his wife interested in hunting, finally got her to commit to go Elk hunting. They discussed the area they would be hunting, and if either of them got lucky to bag an Elk, they should fire off 4 shot's, to signal they got one.
So on the day of the hunt, after spending a few hour's in the bitter cold, all of a sudden, the husband hear's what amounted to about a dozen shot's or so. The husband thinking, well the wife and I did discuss shooting off some signal shot's. Maybe she's over excited, let me go and check. So, after walking up the side of a mountain, to the area he believed his wife to be at. As he came to that place, he saw a man, and his wife, the man pleading with the husband, look she can keep the horse, but please let me take my saddle.
As for younger, they might be 68. Which is usually ok. You were not really interested in running a marathon were you?
"First, get a million dollars"
Buy airfare to Viet Nam. Go hang out in one of the smaller towns for a week or ten days. Spend some money visibly, not on prostitutes, just buy some stuff in the local market, not the modern WalMart clone. There will be interest and if you want to marry one, you can do that, too.
I’ve looked 4 my fone while talking on it.
....................................,
But have you ever used the light from your phone to help you look for your phone?
No not yet
Little Johnny meets Nancy Pelosi
Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Pelosi , “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explained Pelosi .
“That’s what we would call great loss.”
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaimed Pelosi , “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!”
The teacher left the room.
Good one;)
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
What are you doing?” she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.
“What are you doing?” he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.
In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
“What are you doing?” she exclaimed.
He replied............”Watching the game with my son-in-law.”
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