Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Vanity: what would you do? Tis a Puzzlement.
Self | 2/16/2020 | Madison10

Posted on 02/16/2020 8:03:42 PM PST by madison10

click here to read article


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 41-6061-8081-100 ... 121-122 next last
To: cloudmountain

“Let her stay there. SHE did the hard job.”

So true! This sibling who took care of your parents deserves a royal crown (and will get one in heaven).


61 posted on 02/16/2020 9:39:30 PM PST by Cedar
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: dadfly

Thank you very much. I may reschedule/redefine the purpose of the forthcoming meeting. It would be just a month after my mom died and I am beginning to think we are rushing some things.


62 posted on 02/16/2020 9:43:34 PM PST by madison10
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 56 | View Replies]

To: madison10

Without reading the details, on purpose, I’d say:

First, if the trust or will specifies an arrangement, do that. Otherwise:

Evaluate the total market share of the estate as if all was sold.

Determine each beneficiary’s share.

Offer, openly and simultaneously, for beneficiaries to exchange or exchange+buy in their share for the property.

If multiple parties express a wish to do so, afford them a chance to collaborate or otherwise come to an equitable arrangement. Your position is representing the estate and, if no happy arrangement is found, you must disperse the estate. Things are easiest if nobody plunges in or if one party does with no objection by others.


63 posted on 02/16/2020 9:52:19 PM PST by No.6
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: madison10

yup. and you’re welcome. and i’m praying for the best for you and your family.


64 posted on 02/16/2020 9:52:25 PM PST by dadfly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 62 | View Replies]

To: Cedar

I am caring for my 90yr old mom right now, hardest job I have EVER had in my life OMG some days it is hard to believe she is my mom!!! As they get older they become VERY mean and nasty I understand that they don’t feel well and find it hard getting older but GEEZE don’t take it out on your family!!! I have a brother but if he EVER came by to give me a break I would just fall over!! A daughters a daughter all of her life, a son is a son till he takes a wife!!! When my mom found herself not able to drive any longer I relocated changed jobs uprooted my entire life to take care of her and my dang brother lived in the same damn city as she does!!! Lived in her home first year BUT that was an impossible situation so I purchased a home 2 houses down when it went up for sale!! Taking care of an elderly parent so they can stay in their home and be comfortable is not an easy job, do whatever you can for your sibling!!


65 posted on 02/16/2020 9:58:30 PM PST by Trump Girl Kit Cat (Yosemite Sam raising hell)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 61 | View Replies]

To: madison10

“The will/trust is not very detailed. It said a few general things, but boy it sure is open for interpretation.”

well,given the dilemmas you outlined, such ambiguity could be useful, but probably also potentially represents some real legal landmines ... personally, i can’t imagine a legal situation much worse than an ambiguous will ...

given all of the above, i suspect it’s imperative you consult with an attorney about this ambiguous will and the dilemmas you face ... the only silver lining in that is that the attorney expense would ordinarily be considered an expense of the estate ...


66 posted on 02/16/2020 10:14:21 PM PST by catnipman (Cat Nipman: Vote Republican in 2012 and only be called racist one more time!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 53 | View Replies]

To: madison10
It is not my nature in a way, but I AM a rule follower. Could not think of ANY creative way for the sibling to stay in the home other than said sibling buying everyone else out, but it would be a huge burden.

Consider this:

The will could have stipulated that the caretaker sibling be given the house / some property / etc. after death of parent.

But it did not.

Ergo, this burden is not yours, and to be honest, made up on your part (out of good will).

Sorry for your loss, and good luck sorting this out.

67 posted on 02/16/2020 10:15:38 PM PST by onona
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: madison10

You’re concerned the sibling who took care of your parents - rather than getting a job, 401k, spouse, and a life - is owed something more than the money your parents gave her.

That has some merit.

Was she paid the same was a non-family member would have been paid? Nursing homes costs between three and ten thousand a month... did she offset the cost of nursing home care? There by making it possible for the property to stay intact rather than be sold by the State to cover nursing home costs?

I’m sorry about your loss - and I also understand why you’re parents chose you to work out the details.... You’re in my prayers madison.


68 posted on 02/16/2020 10:19:25 PM PST by GOPJ ( http://www.tinyurl.com/cvirusmap https://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/usmap.htm)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: madison10

You’re concerned the sibling who took care of your parents - rather than getting a job, 401k, spouse, and a life - is owed something more than the money your parents gave her.

That has some merit.

Was she paid the same as a non-family member would have been paid? Nursing homes costs between three and ten thousand a month... did she offset the cost of nursing home care? Thereby making it possible for the property to stay intact rather than be sold by the State to cover nursing home costs?

I’m sorry about your loss - and I also understand why your parents chose you to work out the details.... You’re in my prayers madison.


69 posted on 02/16/2020 10:21:24 PM PST by GOPJ ( http://www.tinyurl.com/cvirusmap https://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/usmap.htm)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: cloudmountain

my dads secretary invited the lawyer over to the house for dinner after he had done some work for them, he billed them for those two hours and added a third hour for his travel time,that cost was around $1000. Don’t invite the lawyer to the bbq.


70 posted on 02/16/2020 10:22:43 PM PST by Jolla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: madison10

Condolences on the loss of your mother.

No advice here but there are good odds that by the time all is settled and done the family a-holes will have revealed themselves.


71 posted on 02/16/2020 10:25:06 PM PST by Rebelbase (Time for Trump to go Machiavelli on the democrats and never Trump republicans.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: madison10

I think I would sell most of it but also keep some of it. Money from the sale could be used to fix things up & divide up what’s leftover.

Is there any chance of leasing the property for farming?


72 posted on 02/16/2020 10:47:22 PM PST by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: rlmorel; madison10

I agree. The caretaker should get the house.

The 4 of us split everything except the house.
My sister got it cus she took care of my parents.
After daddy died she moved in with our mom.

Forever grateful for my sister.

Daddy was not always easy to deal with.

It does sound complicated and
outside advise may open new possibilities.


73 posted on 02/16/2020 10:48:51 PM PST by missthethunder
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: Hodar
The duty of the executor must have been known at the time the will was made. That would mean that the person knew the circumstances of all of the siblings and factored that into the decisions made. There is much unknown about the family situations as well as the property lines etc. and we can only give a general suggestion of things to consider to help the decision making of the family at their get together. For one thing, is the disabled person the only one in the family to have need of special help? Is the value of the property high enough that everybody gets enough to take care of themselves without that even being a consideration? Whatever the situation is, hopefully it will be amenable to all and not result in litigation. It is quite possible to have parents who favor one child over another because that child has self caused problems and needs help. Others who took care of their own responsibilities over the years will rightly resent that the pay off for them is less. It does happen. And that is not fair.
74 posted on 02/16/2020 11:15:58 PM PST by mountainfolk
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 47 | View Replies]

To: madison10

My mother rents out the farm she inheirited, and has for almost 40 years. Same guy has farmed it all that time. He owns his own land as well, but has a big operation and farms rental lands as well.

Basic deal is Mom gets 1/3 of the crop, and puts up 1/3 of the planting costs.

You can split the rental income amongst your siblings.

Owning a farm is a good diversification.


75 posted on 02/17/2020 12:52:23 AM PST by Reverend Wright (TAX the WOKE !)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Jolla; madison10
It is true, you can never go home again.

My mother bought my grandparents ranch in Oklahoma even though most of our family was in other states. She talked herself into thinking it was an investment with mineral rights included. She also thought it would be there for any family who may have wanted to visit or do something with it. I thought I should not provide an opinion because it was her financial decision and I didn't want to be a greedy son. A few years later test wells were not successful and my mother sold it for a loss.

Find an equitable way to break it up and sell off the excess. Dreams of the past usually don't translate to unclarified dreams of the future.

There were other situations where my mother didn't make good decisions due to emotional reasons. Madison, don't be like my mother.

76 posted on 02/17/2020 1:18:31 AM PST by higgmeister ( In the Shadow of The Big Chicken)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: madison10

I’m in nearly the same situation, too. This thread has been helpful.


77 posted on 02/17/2020 1:37:09 AM PST by EMI_Guy ("You have to slow down to go fast." - Kenny Roberts)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: madison10

Posting before reading the replies so I may be behind the curve. Sorry for your loss. Prayers up for your family.

Is the farm owned free and clear? Is it near a metropolis such that it could be developed for a profit before sale?
A mortgage might buy some time and provide cash for repairs prior to selling. Maybe, a reverse mortgage?

Another possibility is to rent the farm to a farmer willing to work the land. It will at least buy you some time to decide what to do.

You want to help the sibling still living on the property? Subdivide his acres into a separate parcel before selling. Seek out professional help from a lawyer and a financial adviser.


78 posted on 02/17/2020 1:46:25 AM PST by outofsalt (If history teaches us anything, it's that history rarely teaches anything.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: madison10
If no one has the wherewithal to get dirt under their finger nails on a farm, then sell it. IMO, best way out for your family. The one in HS who may consider farming can go buy a piece of dirt to scratch around in.

Not sure where you are located, but do not forget about the minerals. They can be retained and an undivided interest can be allocated to each sibling or they can be sold with dirt.

You do not state what your parent's wishes were. Did they want the estate divided between all of their kids? IF so, why not just get it appraised, surveyed and deeded out to each kid. Then each kid can decide, to keep or sell.

79 posted on 02/17/2020 1:47:31 AM PST by eartick (Stupidity is expecting the government that broke itself to go out and fix itself. Texan for TEXIT!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: madison10
said sibling buying everyone else out, but it would be a huge burden

If you cannot come up with more solutions than this, they you are way over your head. Best get some legal advise and use the rest of your family as sounding board. Do not do this in a vacuum.

80 posted on 02/17/2020 1:50:39 AM PST by eartick (Stupidity is expecting the government that broke itself to go out and fix itself. Texan for TEXIT!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 41-6061-8081-100 ... 121-122 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson