Posted on 11/30/2019 2:22:50 PM PST by metmom
U.S.—We've all been there: you're sitting around on Thanksgiving eating turkey when your crazy uncle starts ranting about the deep state lizard people. It can really make munching on turkey awkward.
There's a new solution, though, that promises to make Thanksgiving a lot more peaceful this year: an ejection seat that launches anyone who talks about politics into the stratosphere. Developed by Peaceful Families, LLC, the seat can detect talk about politics and launch the offender miles and miles into the atmosphere.
"As soon as you mention words like Congress, Washington, libs, impeachment, 45, Trump, Pelosi, global warming, or Obama, the system will kick in, launching its rocket boosters and propelling outta there so everyone else can enjoy their Thanksgiving dinner," said Bob Paulsen, CEO of PF. "You're welcome."
"You wanna know what I think about impeach---aaaaAAAAHHH!!!" one test subject screamed as he was catapulted through the roof and over five miles into the air. "WAAA HOO HOO HOOOOOOO!!!"
"Yep, it works," said a PF researcher as he monitored the subject's rapid ascent.
Relatives who apologize as they plummet to their death will be saved by a rescue drone before they hit, while those who keep ranting about Trump, impeachment, Republicans, Democrats, or anything else even remotely political will be allowed to slam into the ground at terminal velocity.
The system can also be adjusted to detect other contentious subjects of discussion, such as theology or The Last Jedi.
My Mother-in-Law should be first.
“your crazy uncle starts ranting about the deep state lizard people. “
As opposed to the fair minded snowflakes who scream Trump and his supporters should taken to the nearest land fill.
I always talk about “thanksgiving into the stratosphere” to whoever is listening. I never heard the part about a chair though.
Turn it into a lie detector and install one in the Chairman’s seat of the House Judiciary and Intel committees.
Have you seen the fishing boat ‘ejector seat’ launch video on youtube? (Irritating as heck little girly goes for a huge ride!)
Just what I was thinking.
After all, Obamaca..." BOOM!, Crash!, and a dwindling "nazis..." No great loss.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter people should just shut up about it. This year there were no political talk at all even though we were all of the same political persuasion.
Just give it a rest every now and then. You will be much happier.
I need one.
Could we call that a commie catapult?
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