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SATIRE New Genderfluid Dolls Emit Blast Of Pepper Spray, Alert Authorities When Children Use Wrong P
Babylon Bee Logo ^ | September 26, 2019

Posted on 09/27/2019 8:50:17 PM PDT by EdnaMode

Mattel announced an exciting new line of gender-neutral dolls recently, causing progressives to praise the company and conservatives to foam at the mouth and demand a safe space.

But there's one feature of the dolls that hasn't yet been discussed: according to a Mattel insider, the dolls will emit a powerful blast of pepper spray and alert authorities if your child refers to the doll with the wrong pronoun.

An early, limited-release of the doll has already employed this feature several dozen times. Cleveland five-year-old Maddy Paulson excitedly picked up her doll and said, "This girl is so pretty. I want to play with her!"

Immediately, the doll's eyes turned red and its head swiveled slowly toward Paulson's face. "DID YOU SAY 'HER'?"

Paulson shrugged. "Yes, you are a girl and you say 'her' for girls."

"WRONG PRONOUN DETECTED. DEPLOYING COUNTERMEASURES." A pepper spray nozzle emerged from the doll's forehead and hit the girl with a several-second-long blast. "REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE, BIGOT. POLICE ARE ON THE WAY."

As the girl screamed in pain and rolled around on the floor, the doll utilized its built-in miniature projector to display a presentation on the girl's bedroom wall, explaining how misgendering, deadnaming, and using the wrong pronoun are hateful and hurtful.

"It hurts, waaaaa!!!" she screamed.

"PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS LESSON ON TOLERANCE," the doll droned on, threatening to use its electric shock functionality should the girl not comply. "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; gender; genderfluid; genderneutral; homosexualagenda; matel; mattel; satire; thebabylonbee
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1 posted on 09/27/2019 8:50:17 PM PDT by EdnaMode
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To: EdnaMode

HAHAHA!

Love the BB.


2 posted on 09/27/2019 8:53:24 PM PDT by Ken H (2019 => The House of Representin')
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To: Ken H

LOL Yup- As soon as i saw “Emit blast of pepper spray’ i knew it had to be a BB article lol


3 posted on 09/27/2019 8:54:47 PM PDT by Bob434
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To: EdnaMode

4 posted on 09/27/2019 8:59:32 PM PDT by Telepathic Intruder
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To: EdnaMode
the dolls will emit a powerful blast of pepper spray and alert authorities if your child refers to the doll with the wrong pronoun - which, of course, can fluctuate on a daily basis.

Fixed it!

Regards,

5 posted on 09/27/2019 9:00:42 PM PDT by alexander_busek (Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.)
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To: EdnaMode

Still the best satire on the web. Probably anywhere.


6 posted on 09/27/2019 9:01:01 PM PDT by ChildOfThe60s (If you can remember the 60s........you weren't really there)
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To: EdnaMode
"WRONG PRONOUN DETECTED. DEPLOYING COUNTERMEASURES." A pepper spray nozzle emerged from the doll's forehead and hit the girl with a several-second-long blast. "REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE, BIGOT. POLICE ARE ON THE WAY."

The Bee is a beautiful thing.

7 posted on 09/27/2019 9:11:40 PM PDT by TChad
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To: EdnaMode

Very funny. To they yell out “Warning, warning, trigger alert, warning...”


8 posted on 09/27/2019 9:13:31 PM PDT by melsec (There's a track, winding back, to an old forgotten shack along the road to Gundagai..)
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To: Telepathic Intruder

That idiot is lucky I wasn’t there to laugh in his face when he pulled his lunatic’s tantrum.


9 posted on 09/27/2019 9:15:14 PM PDT by Rurudyne (Standup Philosopher)
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To: Ken H

And the girl was sentenced to 500 hours of community service at the local library participating in those Tranny Reading Hour horror shows.


10 posted on 09/27/2019 9:18:39 PM PDT by Grimmy (equivocation is but the first step along the road to capitulation)
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To: Telepathic Intruder
From one sister to another: "We like to say 'peoplekind'."


11 posted on 09/27/2019 9:24:55 PM PDT by A Formerly Proud Canadian (I once was blind but now I see...)
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To: EdnaMode

No sane person will buy these for their kids.


12 posted on 09/27/2019 9:26:53 PM PDT by Innovative
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To: EdnaMode

the babylon bee is just annoying on here when you’re trying to figure out what the stupid thread title is saying and if it’s real or not


13 posted on 09/27/2019 9:51:05 PM PDT by dp0622 (Bad, bad company Till the day I die.)
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To: Innovative
No sane person will buy these for their kids.

They are not real. This is the Babylon Bee.

14 posted on 09/27/2019 10:04:55 PM PDT by TChad
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To: EdnaMode

LOL. The Ed-209 of the toy world. “Correct your pronoun usage immediately. You have 10 seconds to comply”


15 posted on 09/27/2019 10:18:56 PM PDT by Zack Attack
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To: Rurudyne

What kept everyone from laughing, I think, is that this was obviously a large dude with mental problems.


16 posted on 09/27/2019 10:20:13 PM PDT by Telepathic Intruder
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To: EdnaMode
Next season watch for the Mattel DRAG QUEEN STORY HOUR DOLL.


17 posted on 09/27/2019 11:10:52 PM PDT by stars & stripes forever (Blessed is the nation whpose God is the Lord. (Psalm 32:12))
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To: EdnaMode

https://time.com/5684822/mattel-gender-neutral-doll/

The gender neutral doll is real.


18 posted on 09/28/2019 2:23:53 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The potential for miscalculation and chaos is substantial." ~ Kevin Williamson)
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To: TChad
They are not real. This is the Babylon Bee.

They are real, just don't have pepper spray feature yet.

19 posted on 09/28/2019 3:36:30 AM PDT by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin (Freedom is the freedom to discipline yourself so others don't have to do it for you.)
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To: Tax-chick

Maybe they can make a cross between Barbie, Mr. Potato Head with all of the removal parts and the game “Operation”?

“For 1000 points, remove the penis without setting off the alarm!”


20 posted on 09/28/2019 4:04:41 AM PDT by 21twelve (!)
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