Air Force testing vegan napalm

duffleblog.com ^ | Sept. 25, 2019

[PROCON]

EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. — The U.S. Air Force is testing an improved,vegan version of the classic Cold War throwback weapon napalm, according to Air Force officials. The new weapon is expected to be able to burn the enemies of the United States to death while assuaging serious moral and environmental concerns.

“Napalm is just a mix of a gelling agent and a volatile petrochemical,” said Louie Fleischer, a supervisory technical support specialist with the 96th Test Wing. “Historically, we’ve used animal-based gels. But now that the Department of Defense systemically rejects the commodity status of animals, we are testing plant-based alternatives. They’re working out pretty well.”

[LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg

Brings this into a new perspective.

[Hugh the Scot]

Promising headline, disappointing storyline...

[Spruce]

More importantly, is it gluten free?

[Calvin Locke]

Durian.

[BuffaloJack]

Does this mean that they’ll start using (vegan) naphalm on our enemies? I sure hope so. They deserve it.

[RightGeek]

Taco Bell is sad

[ManHunter]

Anybody remember this double-time cadence: “Napalm, napalm sticks like glue...”? Now verboten, of course.

[rktman]

No doubt re-greta-turdberg will be elated about the news of kinder gentler napalm not using 😝 petro products.😳

[rktman]

😂👍

[PROCON]

“Napalm, napalm sticks like glue...”?

I remember that one, but most of the cadence calls seemed to have 'Ol Jodie in them. 😎

[LIConFem]

Silly nonsense. I’d give jellied bacon grease a try. Bet it burns better than the petro version. And I’m sure it would smell better.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

How about hog lard and naphthalene for moslems.

[Secret Agent Man]

That would be something.

I was figuring it would smell like aloe.

[Secret Agent Man]

Maybe more like a neutron bomb.

I mean we all really need to be switching over to these anyway. Leaves structures and other stuff intact.

[Charles Martel]

But, will it be “Pumpkin-Spice” flavored?

Nope, too inhumane.

[ConservaTeen]

I mean, if you are going to bomb vegans, you don't want to use meat based napalm on them! 😀

[SnuffaBolshevik]

"but most of the cadence calls seemed to have 'Ol Jodie in them."

"I know a girl all dressed in black
makes her living ** *** ****"

[bigbob]

Fine, although it’s very satisfying to think of some muzzie meeting his maker with the aroma of gellilfied bacon grease in his nostrils.

[MIchaelTArchangel]

I was disappointed in the story. The headline makes it sounds as if the Air Force was developing napalm that can tell the difference between carnivores and vegans and would kill only the vegans. I am greatly disappointed.

[CardCarryingMember.VastRightWC]

All nations with nuclear arsenals need to sign a treaty ASAP promising to replace the current bomb shell casings with ones made of 100% biodegradable materials.