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Need a Smile?
email | 3/8/2019 | unknown

Posted on 03/08/2019 2:24:15 PM PST by sodpoodle

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

“It hasn't affected my brothers though."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: silly
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Bottoms up;)
1 posted on 03/08/2019 2:24:15 PM PST by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle

Cute.


2 posted on 03/08/2019 2:29:17 PM PST by Vermont Lt (If we get Medicare for all, will we have to show IDs for service? Why?)
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To: sodpoodle

I saw that punchline coming, but still a good one!


3 posted on 03/08/2019 2:30:22 PM PST by Southside_Chicago_Republican (The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.)
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To: sodpoodle

IRISH VERSION.....

An Irish man walks into a pub.

“What’ll you have?” the bartender asks.

“Give me three pints of Guinness, please,” says the man.

The bartender brings him three pints, and the man proceeds to sip them alternately — the first one, the next one, and then the third one, until they’re all gone. He then orders three more.

“Sir,” says the bartender, “I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on you, and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

“You don’t understand,” the man says. “I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.”

”What a wonderful tradition,” the bartender says, smiling.

Every week after that, the man comes into the bar and orders three beers. But one week, he orders only two. He drinks them and orders two more.

“I know what your tradition is,” says the bartender sadly, “and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

“Oh, me brothers are fine,” says the man. “I just quit drinking.”


4 posted on 03/08/2019 2:30:29 PM PST by Responsibility2nd
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To: sodpoodle

OK if I steal that one from ya? Oh. OK. You stole it from someone else, so all is well.


5 posted on 03/08/2019 2:34:25 PM PST by Migraine
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To: Responsibility2nd

So you’re a Baptist and I’m Irish!!!!! LOL!


6 posted on 03/08/2019 2:34:38 PM PST by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: sodpoodle

:-) Good one.


7 posted on 03/08/2019 2:35:57 PM PST by Tired of Taxes
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To: Migraine

Here’s another Freebie;)

I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

“I wish to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “That is the only wish that I’m not allowed to grant.”

“Fine,” I said, “then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!”

“You crafty little bastard!” replied the fairy.


8 posted on 03/08/2019 2:37:28 PM PST by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: sodpoodle

HAHA!


9 posted on 03/08/2019 2:42:16 PM PST by Blood of Tyrants (Being woke means you can be nasty, hateful and use racist slurs yet feel morally superior.)
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To: sodpoodle

LOL!.........................


10 posted on 03/08/2019 2:43:33 PM PST by Red Badger (We are headed for a Civil War. It won't be nice like the last one....................)
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To: sodpoodle
The other day I went up to a Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker". I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

11 posted on 03/08/2019 2:46:22 PM PST by eldoradude
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To: sodpoodle

Thanks Sod....Love/Sac


12 posted on 03/08/2019 2:51:53 PM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: sodpoodle; Responsibility2nd

Same with Boudreaux. Only he gave up drinking for lent.


13 posted on 03/08/2019 3:02:22 PM PST by DannyTN
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To: sodpoodle

: ) Thanks.


14 posted on 03/08/2019 3:25:14 PM PST by PGalt
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To: sodpoodle

OK, another winner!


15 posted on 03/08/2019 3:30:48 PM PST by Migraine
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To: sodpoodle

For us Catholics it is always open season on Southern Baptists. And they treat us with no mercy either. Good friends, good fun.


16 posted on 03/08/2019 3:49:06 PM PST by HChampagne (Cruz supporter but I will support and vote for Trump.)
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To: sodpoodle

So a guy is sitting at a sidewalk cafe and notices two workers doing landscaping work on the center island dividing traffic.

One worker digs a hole, the other follows and fills it up. The man at the cafe sees this happen two more times, dig a hole and fill it up, and curiosity gets the best of him.

He asks; “Hey, I don’t understand what you guys are doing, one of you dig a hole and the other immediately fills it back up. What’s going on?”

One of the worker responds with a knowing smile on his face; “That’s because Bob is out sick today, he’s the one that puts the plants in the hole.”


17 posted on 03/08/2019 3:50:38 PM PST by Sergio (An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
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To: sodpoodle

Had a friend tell this one:

A little boy went up to his mommy and asked “where did I come from?”

The mother had dreaded the moment but thought it was time to explain the birds and bees to him. So she sat him down and told him.

“Billy’s mom says he came from Toronto,” said the boy. “I just wanted to know where I came from.”


18 posted on 03/08/2019 3:56:03 PM PST by OrangeHoof (Trump is Making the Media Grate Again)
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To: sodpoodle

For us Catholics it is always open season on Southern Baptists. And they treat us with no mercy either. Good friends, good fun.


19 posted on 03/08/2019 4:13:56 PM PST by HChampagne (Cruz supporter but I will support and vote for Trump.)
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To: Responsibility2nd

Alternatively, “I gave up drinking for Lent”.


20 posted on 03/08/2019 4:24:35 PM PST by DuncanWaring (The Lord uses the good ones; the bad ones use the Lord.)
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