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Aphorisms
email | 2/11/2019 | unknown

Posted on 02/11/2019 2:53:38 AM PST by sodpoodle

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross

the street to vote.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Money talks. but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?

I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking

like a mental patient

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T . Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. Think on that one for a minute!


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: funny
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Add to the list - thank you.
1 posted on 02/11/2019 2:53:38 AM PST by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle
I like those, sodpoodle. Thanks for the chuckles.

You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!

😃


2 posted on 02/11/2019 3:05:37 AM PST by bagster ("Even bad men love their mamas".)
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Any pro-family aphorisms?


3 posted on 02/11/2019 3:09:24 AM PST by Olog-hai ("No Republican, no matter how liberal, is going to woo a Democratic vote." -- Ronald Reagan, 1960)
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To: sodpoodle

Isn’t the Mexican phone company Taco Bell?


4 posted on 02/11/2019 3:41:46 AM PST by sparklite2 (Don't mind me. I'm just a contrarian.)
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To: Olog-hai
"Any pro-family aphorisms?"

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES USE BIRTH CONTROL

5 posted on 02/11/2019 4:02:46 AM PST by outofsalt (If history teaches us anything, it's that history rarely teaches us anything.)
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To: sodpoodle
"..The only married person was Otis.."

Don't forget the "arguing couple". d;^)

6 posted on 02/11/2019 4:18:45 AM PST by CopperTop (Outside the wire it's just us chickens. Dig?)
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To: sodpoodle

Imagine if Alexander Graham Bell was named Alexander Graham Siren


7 posted on 02/11/2019 5:11:13 AM PST by NonValueAdded (#DeplorableMe #BitterClinger #HillNO! #cishet #MyPresident #MAGA #Winning #covfefe #BuildIt)
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To: sodpoodle
I loved Ambrose Bierce's definition of 'aphorism' from The Devil's Dicitonary:

APHORISM

-n.

Predigested wisdom.

The flabby wine-skin of his brain
Yields to some pathologic strain,
And voids from its unstored abysm
The driblet of an aphorism.

- "The Mad Philosopher," 1697

8 posted on 02/11/2019 5:38:23 AM PST by Joe Brower ("Might we not live in a nobler dream than this?" -- John Ruskin)
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To: NonValueAdded

Alexander Graham Kazmierzac was the world’s first telephone Pole!


9 posted on 02/11/2019 6:12:00 AM PST by Nuocmam (Loose lips sink ships.)
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To: sodpoodle
I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

If that’s from 1987 it’s my fault. I married a Canadienne.
10 posted on 02/11/2019 6:17:09 AM PST by Dr. Sivana (There is no salvation in politics.)
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To: sodpoodle
Not exactly an aphorism but...

Hat tip to Hairy the Dog.

11 posted on 02/11/2019 6:19:31 AM PST by upchuck (When a society is open, then it [the Left] can’t win. ~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: sodpoodle
shouldn't that be an even number?

The author is obviously politically incorrect and guilty of old think. Certainly if a feminist gaia lover married a tree, there would be only one person in the marriage. And what about the traditional Mormons or Islamic "refugees" with more than one spouse. That would throw the numbers off as well.

12 posted on 02/11/2019 6:39:12 AM PST by PAR35
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To: sodpoodle

The odd number represents that woman who married the “pirate ghost”.


13 posted on 02/11/2019 6:44:47 AM PST by 50sDad (A Liberal prevents me from telling you anything here)
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To: sodpoodle

Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?


14 posted on 02/11/2019 6:51:57 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: upchuck

Funnnnneeeee....don’t get too excited Rusty.


15 posted on 02/11/2019 6:57:36 AM PST by Getready (Wisdom is more valuable than gold and diamonds, and harder to find.5)
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To: sodpoodle
I learned something from my wife.

I lived alone for twenty years before I met her and found out
that I had been loading the dishwasher wrong all that time.

16 posted on 02/11/2019 7:20:46 AM PST by red-dawg (Climate change caused the end of the Ice Age. Did man play a part in it?)
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To: Getready
I'm ready!             :)
17 posted on 02/11/2019 8:19:17 AM PST by upchuck (When a society is open, then it [the Left] can’t win. ~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: 50sDad

If someone got married twice in one year that would result in an odd number of people getting married in a single year.


18 posted on 02/11/2019 8:21:23 AM PST by John Milner (Marching for Peace is like breathing for food.)
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To: sodpoodle
I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.

Point taken regarding the uneven number but the correct grammar would be 4,153,237 people got married last year.

19 posted on 02/11/2019 12:24:57 PM PST by MosesKnows
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To: MosesKnows

Shouldn’t that have been an even number of people? Or did someone marry himself?


20 posted on 02/11/2019 12:26:30 PM PST by Publius ("Who is John Galt?" by Billthedrill & Publius available at Amazon.)
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