Posted on 02/03/2019 2:23:30 PM PST by sodpoodle
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.."
*********************** An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me,your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."
------------------------------ --
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place !!)
------------------------------ ---
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way. I've travelled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
******************** When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
------------------------------ - One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
********* First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down.
```````````````` Two guys, one old, one young,are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,with red hair,blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, Doesn’t matter, --- let's look for yours."
********************* (And this final one especially for me,)
"Lord,keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"
Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile .. . . it will!
And don’t forget that life is like a roll of toilet paper,“ it goes faster at the end!
He tied up the woman and at knife-point
asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said,
“You can take anything you want.
You can kill me.
But please untie the rope and free her.” Thief: “You must really love your wife!” Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.
Thanks for the giggles, these were good!
Bttt
thanks...
Sod....About that aging thing. When I was 66...I told folks I was almost 70....and the compliments just kept coming. :-)
good ones!!! thanks for the lol’s!
Grandpa was 82 and went to the doctor for a regular check up. Everything looked ok, as he got ready to leave the doctor handed him a small bottle and told him he needed to bring in a sperm sample. So grandpa headed home.
He came back the next day with the still empty bottle and the doctor asked him what happened, were was the sperm sample?
Well doc, he said, I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right, no good. So I got my wife. She tried with her left hand, tried with her right hand, she even tried with her teeth, still nothing, so we called the neighbor’s wife. She tied with her left hand she tried...
At this point the doctor was shocked and interrupted...Wait a minute, your neighbor’s WIFE???
Yeah doc, no matter what we did we couldn’t get that damned bottle open.
A patient told me that one years,ago, excerpt it included the line, “she tried with her teeth in and her teeth out, but we just couldn’t get that bottle open! “
DOH!
That’s the part I forgot, teeth in, teeth out!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.