Skip to comments.Mayor Declares Chicago Crime-Free Zone, Criminals Disperse
Posted on 01/07/2018 10:12:35 AM PST by Parody
CHICAGO, ILImmediately upon Mayor Rahm Emanuels recent declaration of the entire city of Chicago as an official crime-free zone, every criminal in the city suddenly and miraculously left the urban area, according to a statement released by the city council.
We declare every part of the city of Chicago a crime-free zone, Emanuel announced in a Thursday appearance on CBS This Morning. It is now physically impossible for any crime to be committed in our great city, because we declared it a zone of peace and harmony and criminals have no choice but to abide by our new rule.
Emanuel claimed he didnt want to resort to such extreme legislative measures, but as the crime situation in Chicago didnt seem to be getting any better, his hand was forced.
I finally decided to use the strongest weapon at our disposal: declaring things illegal, he said.
Stunned onlookers claim the second the legislation banning any criminals from the city was signed into law, dangerous gangsters, conniving drug dealers, and thieving hooligans fled the city on foot, as though compelled by some kind of strange, alien force.
Witness the awesome power of declaring things to be banned and watching them instantly disappear into nothingness! Emanuel said.
At publishing time, Governor Jerry Brown had taken a page from Emanuels book, declaring Hollywood a perversion-free zone and immediately ending all ongoing sex scandals in the city.
Did he exempt city hall?
Pretty stupid piece even for “satire”.
The emperor has no clothes.
In addition to declaring drug-free and gun-free zones.
You simply cant make this up
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