Software: New coding language Fetlang's syntax designed to read like 'poorly written erotica'

The Register ^ | Oct 9, 2017 | Richard Chirgwin

[dayglored]

FR NOTE: This is a factual but humorous article about a not-terribly-serious GitHub software programming project.

If you fancy whipping up a bondage loop under a BSDM licence this is the language you've been gagging for.

Developers: bored with bracketing? Got a dose of “escaping ennui”? Why not write bad erotica instead?

That's the brilliant/sick objective of a project called "Fetlang" that recently emerged on GitHub thanks to a chap called Dagan, aka “Property404”.

As the repo's readme explains:

“Fetlang is a statically typed, procedural, esoteric programming language and reference implementation. It is designed such that source code looks like poorly written fetish erotica”.

Admittedly, Vulture South hasn't tried to code anything in Fetlang, but clearly an evil genius has been at work in (we hope) a suitable lair:

Make Sean moan
Worship Carrie's feet
Bind Amy to Saint Andrew's Cross
    Have Amy hogtie Sean
    If Amy is Carrie's bitch
        Make Slave scream Sean's name
        Make Sean moan

If you need to access a value inside a chain, you need a “bondage loop”, and for an exit, a developer will call safeword (of course).

Perusing the tutorial explains that Fetlang's outputs exist as a Unix stoud wrapper – meaning to get the output “Hello! This is my first Fetlang program!” comes from the command:

Make slave scream “Hello! This is my first Fetlang program!”

There's much, much (NSFW) more in the tutorial.

It's hardly surprising that “Fetlang is not recommended for production use at this moment, especially in medical or military applications”.

And the license is "BSD, modified", or BSDM. Which for those of you who led sheltered lives is a nod to BDSM, the acronym for "bondage, discipline and sadomasochism". ®

[dayglored]

Pretty funny stuff.

Hey, it's almost midnight here in NY and it's been a LONG LONG day. :-)

[dayglored]

Random software programming humor ... PING!

You can find all the Windows Ping list threads with FR search: just search on keyword "windowspinglist".

[txnativegop]

funny . . . someone has too much time on his/her/its hands.

[Bobalu]

We need an Obfuscated Fetlang contest!

[Billthedrill]

“Fetlang is not recommended for production use at this moment, especially in medical or military applications”.

Ah, but the political apps are just begging to be written. Begging.

[dayglored]

> We need an Obfuscated Fetlang contest!

Now THAT is a twisted thought!!

(I like it!)

[QBFimi]

[Snirk!] Anything in there about:

Muffler Madness?
Skin boats to Tuna Town?*
Baloney Holsters?
Weenie Wigglers at the Pickle Park?
Takin’ ol’ one-eye to the optometrist?*

(Adults please note: Double entendres regarding carpets, Oscar Meyer, Hershey, PA, and references to anything colored yellow is intentionally ignored, lest I be sent to the timeout corner.)

*kudos to Burgess Meredith, may he R.I.P.

[Vic S]

But where does the garbage collector start? (nerd humor)

[ArmstedFragg]

Programming and fetish is sort of redundant.

[BenLurkin]

Just don’t try to post the article about the scientist studying dolphin procreation — by inflating dead dolphin parts.

[KarlInOhio]

Do they have the transsexual version in which what should have been constants becomes variables?

[dayglored]

> Do they have the transsexual version in which what should have been constants becomes variables?

Now, that's funny. :-)

[ImJustAnotherOkie]

Loop at Beat-me-make-me-feel-cheap
until Safeword = True

[T-Bone Texan]

Diggin’ for Clams?

Munching a Furburger?