Posted on 03/23/2017 2:58:27 PM PDT by sodpoodle
Someone sent me this one today:
A union boss walks into a bar next door to the factory
and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by
wearing a TRUMP for President button, and two
beers in front of him.
He does not have to be an Einstein, to know that this
guy, is a Republican.
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that
everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here,
bartender, but not for the Republican.”
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the
Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him
then says, “Thank you!” in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the union boss.
The union boss once again loudly orders drinks for
everyone except the Republican. As before, this does
not seem to bother the Republican. He continues
to smile, and again yells, “Thank you!”
The union boss once again, loudly orders drinks for
everyone except the Republican.
As before, this STILL doesn’t seem to bother the
Republican who continues to smile, and again
yells, “Thank you!”
The union boss asks the bartender, “What the hell
is the matter with that Republican? I have ordered
three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but
him, and all the silly ass does, is smile and thank me.
Is he nuts?”
“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns the place.”
lol
Have you heard of my one legged Chinese girlfriend?
Irene
What do you call a Hawaiian guy with one leg shorter than the other?
“Not even brah.”
“I eat map”.
I totally don’t get that. Your gonna make me google that.
Innuendo.
Italian suppository.
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.”
Again, the engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.”
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked the engineer, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that’s cool!
My twelve year old son sent me a text: How does a blind person know when to stop wiping their butt?
A U.S. Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Hendersonville, NC.
He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag-burning, cop-hating, anti-Trump protester.”
The priest said, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service!!”
A contribution, though it’s not yet Silly Friday
_______________________________________________
AS WE GROW OLDER
Some Trivia.....
God’s plan for aging
Most seniors never get enough exercise.
In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful
so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need.
In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things
requiring them to bend, reach stretch.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders
and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom,
thus providing more exercise.
God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will.
It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky- panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
MAKE IT A GREAT WEEKEND!
Growing old can is better than the alternative.
I believe the above was sent by email. If it actually was written by a poster here, an apology will be forthcoming.
Did i ever tell you about the time I was engaged to a woman with a wooden leg?
Eventually I had to break it off.
CC
Did i ever tell you about the time I was engaged to a woman with a wooden leg?
Eventually I had to break it off.
CC
Two cannibals are eating a clown an one turns to the other and says”does this taste funny to you?”
CC
What do you call a waitress with a wooden leg?
Peggy.
CC
They had to use cannons to kill it.
Then they were left with the carcass.
So they made it into sausage.
Someone later wrote a book about it.
It was the beast of Themes, it was the wurst of Themes...
Mick Jagger: “In the sixties we played rock n’ roll so we could have sex with women and take drugs. Now we take drugs so we can have sex with women and play rock and roll.”
CC
How?
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