Posted on 11/09/2013 11:24:04 AM PST by virgil283
A Polish tourist comes back home after visiting the USSR. He carries two very large and heavy suitcases. On his wrist is a new Soviet-made watch. He tells the customs man: "This is a new Soviet watch. It's a wonder unknown in the capitalist countries. You see, it shows time, the rate of your pulse beats, the phases of the Moon, the weather in Warsaw, Moscow, and New York, and more and more!" "Yes, it's a wonder," the customs man agrees. "And what is it you have in these big suitcases?" "Oh, it's just the batteries for that watch." ........................................ A Russian, a Frenchman and an American argued who was the bravest man. The American said, "For example, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We throw dice, each of us gets a car, we drive on a mountain road. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there." "That's nothing," the Frenchman said. "We choose ten girls and one of them has AIDS. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him." The Russian said, "We gather in an apartment, even though we know that one of us must be an informer. We tell political jokes throughout the night, and then nine are in jail, and one visits the nine there." .............................. “Is it possible to build communism in America?” We’re answering: “It's possible, but who will we buy grain from?”
(Excerpt) Read more at johndclare.net ...
I think it was Yakov Smirnoff who had a routine in which he said that while in Russia, his father bought a car, with a promised delivery on a certain day five years from now. The father asked what time of day it would be delivered. The dealer asked him why that was important. He said that the plumber was also coming that day and he didn’t want a conflict.
HA! It must be old Soviet joke day.
Megan McArdle had one in her column today:
A man stands in line all day for bread, only to have the baker come out and say there is none. He loses it, and begins ranting about the government. Eventually, a man in a trench coat puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Be careful, comrade. You know, in the old days, it would have been …” and he mimes a gun pointed at the head.
The man walks home, dejected. When he walks in the door, his wife takes one look at his face and drops the plate she is holding.
“What’s wrong, Ivan? Were they out of bread?”
“It’s worse than that. They’re out of bullets.”
The title of her piece - Obamacare is running out of bullets.
When I was in Uzbekistan a local newspaper advertised a restaurant in Tashkent that featured Chinese & German cuisine.
It was said to be very good except a half hour later you were hungry again - for POWER!
(Got to be a `Hitler reacts’ joke in there somewhere)
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