The College Football Czar: Week 7

Week six in review: The NCAA has proceeded with its disastrous decision to appoint a college football playoff selection committee, and already, you can foresee the fabric of the game coming unraveled. Among the committee members who have been appointed to select the four semifinalists for the 2014 season is former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice. Immediately, there came protests that Rice is unqualified, but then, what qualifications are there, really? If the idea is to make sure that the best team gets a shot at the national championship, then just about any fan is capable of placing any obviously deserving team among the final four.

ESPN analyst David Pollack demands, “I want people on this committee, guys that can watch tape … that have played football … that can tell you different teams on tape, not on paper.” Poppycock. The College Football Czar is totally confident that Secretary Rice is just as capable of discerning the four best teams as Pollack is. What may cause a problem is the fact that Rice, a Stanford alumna who is also a longtime Alabama fan, is clearly biased. Then again, so is everyone on the committee, which includes representatives from each of the current BCS-AQ conferences. If Rice’s presence on the committee is controversial, then that of whiny Wisconsin A.D. Barry Alvarez should be many times more so.

The real problem is the whole idea that the playoff field should be determined subjectively. Go ahead and squawk about the BCS all you want, but the worst allegation that can be made about it is that it is systemically flawed. Under the new system, the NCAA will be inviting charges of bias, and even corruption.

It’s usually pretty clear which team deserves to be #1, but who should be the fourth selection will rarely be as obvious. When that fourth team is chosen subjectively, and there are reasonable arguments to be made on behalf of a couple teams that didn’t make the cut, the inevitable and understandable charges of favoritism will lead to immediate demands that the field be expanded to eight. Once that happens, the blob will be on the loose, devouring not only the bowl season, but the importance of the biggest regular season games. The LSU-Bama game, for instance, will no longer be meaningful, if both teams are shoo-ins for the playoffs anyway.

As if to accelerate these events, the NCAA seems to be deliberately souring the fans on bowl games, by approving three more of them to increase their number to 39. The new games are supposedly meant to give a chance to the small conference teams, but they don’t really need the help. Last year, seven MAC teams played in bowls, and so did four from the Sun Belt Conference. The NCAA has already resorted to giving dispensations to teams with losing records. Just who do they expect to fill those six new berths, the Hootasville Rutabagas?

The Czar went 12-6 in Week 6, although he was somewhat stymied by the games in the SEC. For the season, he is 92-28, for a .767 winning percentage.

You might ask why the Czar would even bother picking a Temple game at this point, but it just happens that they’re playing in the only Friday night game the week. Besides, if Cincy can lose to South Florida – which they did last Saturday, 26-20 – then they can lose to anybody. The Bearcats squelched the USF offense as one would expect, but gave up a touchdown on a blocked field goal attempt, and another on a fumble return, to put themselves at a 26-6 deficit.

The Owls are 0-5, in spite of their not having allowed more than 30 points in a single game. If they had anyone capable of winging them downfield, they might have caused a flap in their losses to Notre Dame (28-6) and Louisville (30-7). Freshman P.J. Walker will likely become their third starting quarterback of the year, after taking over last week for an unproductive Connor Reilly.

Cincinnati is known as the Queen City, but this week, they’re claiming it’s really the Clean City, because it’s “Kween, to make it funny,” like in the commercial. The visitors, being used to the sight of Philadelphia, will believe them.

The 3-1 Panthers have had a lot of trouble handling option quarterbacks this year, which makes VT’s Logan Thomas a lot more dangerous to them than he generally is. Thomas hasn’t been running the ball nearly as often or effectively as he did a year ago, but coach Frank Beamer might just figure that this is the game he needs to get his senior QB going.

Last season at Heinz Field, the Panthers pounded the Gobblers 35-17, but Rushel Shell and Ray Graham, who combined for 251 rushing yards, are both gone. While this year’s tandem of James Conner and Isaac Bennett are certainly formidable, they are unlikely to race through Lane Stadium with that kind of ease.

That result was thought to be a big upset at the time, but by season’s end, it proved not to be. Beamer’s team might be as strong now as it was thought to be then, however, having won five in a row, since an opening loss to Alabama.

Tech’s official team name is the Gobblers, but they also go by the Hokies, a word that was taken from their team cheer. Pitt’s last opponents, the Virginia Cavaliers, sometimes call themselves the Wahoos for the same reason. Likewise, the Panthers have an alternate nickname of their own: the Pitt Dammits.

As you can see, it’s been a few decades since their fans have had very much to cheer about.

If the sight of Nittany Lion defenders getting de-cleated by guys with pink candelabras on their heads wasn’t shocking enough, the 44-24 final of their first-ever loss to Indiana certainly was. PSU was visibly unprepared for the speed of the Hoosier offense, which often left their off-balance tacklers susceptible to a slobberknocking.

In his ten games as the Wolverines’ starting quarterback, Devin Gardner had thrown at least one interception in each game, until last week against Minnesota. His team had no turnovers for the entire game, after giving away four apiece in narrow escapes against puny opponents Akron and Uconn.

The moribund maize and blue suddenly sprang to life in that 42-13 rout, for which they were presented the Little Brown Jug. No wonder they played so poorly in their two previous games; they didn’t have anything to play for. With that in mind, the College Football Czar pledges that if the Wolverines beat Penn State, he will reward them with a second-hand bamboo steamer.

The 3-2 Longhorns needed a badly blown non-fumble call to escape Iowa State with a 31-30 win last Thursday night. The pointy cows continued to lack any sense of direction, as they were outgained by ISU by an even 100 yards.

OU seemed to be in total control of a low-scoring game last week against TCU, but they were caught off-guard by a third-quarter onside kick, and barely managed to hang on and win by a final of 20-17. Having a quarterback nicknamed the Bell-dozer is a great gimmick, but it doesn’t do much for the team’s passing yardage. 6-foot-6, 250-lb. Blake Bell only managed to push his offense downfield for 152 yards on 20 completions.

This Red River Rivalry always gets the buildup of a John Wayne blockbuster, but the quality of the game is usually closer to the made-for-TV remake starring James Arness and Ray Walston.

Over the past two weeks, each of these teams has suffered a frustrating setback against Big Ten favorite Ohio State. The difference is that the Wildcats are in the other division, and will still stand a reasonable chance of reaching the conference championship game, even if they can’t beat the Badgers.

Jared Abbrederis is gonna reach out and grab ya. Okay, so it doesn’t rhyme, but what kind of a Steve Miller parody would it be if it did? Anyway, the Badger wide receiver pulled down ten receptions for 207 yards and a touchdown in a losing effort against the Buckeyes. It was the first 200-yard game in the productive senior’s career. Unfortunately, the rest of the UW receiving corps is as thin as one of the holes in a slice of cheese.

In a lame attempt to recreate the Cal-Stanford finish, the Cats lateraled the ball into their own end zone, where OSU recovered to pad the final score to 40-30. ABC announcer Brent Musburger remarked about how the gamblers would react to this unexpected, last-second increase in the point spread. His suggestion was not that the outcome was rigged, but only that lardheads who had taken NU and the points would think that it had been. Nevertheless, isn’t his bringing the issue up during a broadcast a more improper thing to do than, oh, describing a former Miss Alabama as beautiful?

Okay, so Wisconsin cheddar doesn’t have any holes in it, but then why do the Badger fans wear wedges of Swiss cheese on their heads? What do they think they’re doing, committing cheason?

The 59-26 final doesn’t nearly reflect what a dogfight the Tigers were in for most of the night against Mississippi State. Their lead had dwindled to two points until they added a field goal late in the third quarter, and then went on a 28-0 rampage in the fourth.

In two games, new starting Gator quarterback Tyler Murphy has completed 31 of 40 passes for 396 yards, with four TDs and one interception. Nobody wants to see anything like what happened to Jeff Driskel, but it’s an inevitable conclusion that the UF offense is better without him in the lineup. Wide receiver Solomon Patton went through the Arkansas defense like crap through a goose in last week’s 30-10 thumping, in which he gained 124 yards and two TDs on six receptions.

That’s just a figure of speech, folks. The Czar admits he has no first-hand knowledge of how crap goes through a goose. Every time he’s tried to put some in to find out, the miserable bird has bitten him.

Stat geeks are concerned about Marcus Mariota’s completion percentage, but 56.7 percent is plenty good enough if you’re attacking deep downfield as he’s been doing. The quackers’ QB completed 68.5 percent last season, but that was with Chip Kelly and his relentless bubble screen barrage. Between the two, the Czar prefers the 2013 version. Mariota has already accumulated more than half of last year’s total yardage, on fewer than a third as many completions.

After last week’s 31-28 loss to Stanford, Husky coach Steve Sarkisian accused the Cardinal of faking injuries to slow down the game. Stanford coach David Shaw denied the charge, but replied that the one coach who was known to have told his players to fake injuries was California defensive line coach Tosh Lupoi, who now holds the same position on Sarkisian’s staff at UW. That incident, in which Lupoi ordered Cal players to hit the deck against this UO team in 2010, was surely still fresh in Sark’s mind when he hired the young assistant last season. That makes his accusing an opposing staff of the exact same behavior more than a little hypocritical.

Considering all the serious knee injuries that have been suffered at UGA this season, those hedges of theirs have got to be more hazardous than Rob Petrie’s ottoman. Running back Keith Marshall and WR Justin Scott-Wesley have now joined receiver Malcolm Mitchell on the sideline for the rest of the year, all with torn ACLs.

In addition, leading rusher Todd Gurley sat out last week’s 34-31 overtime scare at Tennessee with an ankle injury, but may return for this game. Yet another receiver, Michael Bennett, is also out with a knee injury, and punter Collin Barber sustained a concussion, when he was struck in the jaw by a Volunteer blocker’s helmet. No flag was thrown for the hit on Barber, but it was more egregious than half of the hits that have been called for targeting so far.

The 5-0 Tigers have played their two biggest games on the road so far, handling an explosive Indiana team 45-28, and belting Vanderbilt 51-28. This figures to be their most challenging road game, with their other three ranked opponents coming to Columbia.

No state in the USA borders more other states than Missouri (8, tied with Tennessee). Why is that, you ask? Come, Sherman, surely you’ve heard the saying, “Missouri loves company.”

The Bears are 4-0 so far, while scoring an average of more than 70 points per game, but those games were against weak opposition, and all of them at home. In 2012, they went 1-4 on the road, salvaging only a 47-42 win over Louisiana-Monroe.

Midway through the third quarter, K-State took a 21-17 lead over Oklahoma State. Then they pounced on the only OSU turnover of the day, to set themselves up with a short field at the Pokes’ 31-yard-line. Rather than pad their lead, they fumbled the ball right back, for what would be only the first of five second-half turnovers. They lost, 33-29, although the Cowboys could have easily scored again on their final possession had they needed to.

Last year’s meeting cost the Wildcats their #1 ranking, along with any realistic hope of a national championship. BU, which had lost 5 of its past 6 heading into that game, dominated throughout the 52-24 shocker.

While watching that unfold, the Cats’ fans saw their 9 Lives flash before their eyes. That’s because they were barfing it up.

Anyone who saw the Hoosiers’ 44-24 hammering of Penn State knows that it was not a fluke. It’s evident by now that the best way to beat this team is to play keep-away, like Navy and Missouri have done. It’s not apparent that the Spartans have the offensive ability to do that.

The muscular MSU defense made Iowa go owa, 26-14, by squelching the Hawkeye rushing attack for an almost microscopic total of 23 yards. In fact, the most rushing yardage they’ve allowed in any game yet this season has been 78 yards, in their 17-13 loss to Notre Dame.

Even the Spartans’ quality opponents so far have been plodders, though. For them to adjust to IU’s hurry-up offense will be like listening to Steven Wright all day long, and then trying to understand Sinbad.

The 4-1 Gamecocks only edged Kentucky 35-28, and all of a sudden, their hard-fought victories over Vanderbilt and Central Florida don’t look so great, either. Defensive end Jadeveon Clowney did not play against UK, due to a somewhat dubious injury that he only revealed moments before kickoff.

Coach Steve Spurrier now says he believes Clowney is genuinely hurt, but when given a chance to vouch for his star player’s commitment to the team, he dodged the question. Clowney’s NFL draft stock is still believed to be extremely high, but if so, he has the potential to make Ricky Williams look like a bargain by comparison.

It’s well known that a greased pig is able to elude tacklers, but have you ever seen one try to catch a football? It’s a plenty ugly sight, as anyone knows who watched the Hogs’ 30-10 loss to Florida. Sophomore quarterback Brandon Allen, who went 17 for 41 that day, had more than a little help with those 24 incompletions.

Many analysts, employing one of the worst cliches of the day, refer to Clowney as a “game-changer.” As much as the Czar dislikes that term, he can’t deny its accuracy in this case. Who else could have changed SC-Kentucky into a competitive game?

Not only did the Ramblin Wreck get mangled in last year’s meeting, 41-17, but their only two touchdowns came on an interception and a kickoff return. In total yardage, BYU outgained them 411-157.

Current Cougar QB Taysom Hill didn’t play that day, but the change behind center can’t be of much comfort to the Tech defenders. Back in Week 2, Hill had Texas pleading, “Don’t Taysom me, bro!” To no avail, it turned out, as he zapped them for 259 rushing yards and another 129 through the air, for a total of four touchdowns.

Last time the Yellowjackets visited the Beehive State, they discovered to their chagrin that yellowjackets are not bees. So they had to leave the hive, and stay at the Days Inn instead. No wonder they’re so ornery.

If the Blue Devils are so smart, then why would they have anything to do with Hud Mellencamp, the son of Comrade John? The sophomore cornerback was arrested in August, along with his younger brother Speck (no, really), and Indiana wide receiver Ty Smith, for stomping in the face of an innocent man, in a case of mistaken identity.

What did they expect, from a kid whose dad named him after a movie character who was an unscrupulous ne’er-do-well? When the 1963 Paul Newman movie Hud was released, it was promoted with the slogan, “The man with the barbed wire soul.” There’s something to aspire to. So, Hud Mellencamp fought authority, and authority won. Who would have seen that coming?

Last week’s Navy-Air Force game was not shut down as threatened, but the Middies’ defense made the AFA feel as if it had been. The 28-10 win makes it extremely likely that the Midshipmen will keep the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy.

Don’t look now, but the Wildcats are 2-1 in Pac 12 play, and 4-2 overall. Well, on second thought, go ahead and look, because you won’t be able to see it for long. After battling the Beavers, Mike Price’s team finishes the season by facing Oregon, Arizona State, Arizona, Utah and Washington.

OSU slinger Sean Mannion leads the nation in passing yards with 2,018, and he’s only been picked off twice, compared to 21 touchdowns. Part of the reason for his dominance, unfortunately, has been the Beavs’ uncharacteristic lack of a ground attack. As a team, they’re averaging a meager 68 rushing yards per game. Wazzu, which consciously disdains the run, is only doing slightly worse, at 58.6.

As “awareness” continues to overtake football, the Czar is pleased to see that the new OSU Beaver is about 100 percent less aware than its predecessor. The animal on their new helmet looks so vacuous that he probably doesn’t even know the difference between offsides and encroachment.

Considering their early schedule (Bowling Green, Penn State, LSU, Northern Illinois), it’s tough to fault the Golden Flashes for their 2-4 start. Nevertheless, they’ve got to turn things around right now if they hope to return to a bowl game.

In 2012, Cardinal QB Keith Wenning only threw for over 300 yards twice all year, and those were in their only two regular season losses. This year, he and the Ball State offense have rolled along with mechanical consistency. Over a 5-1 start, Wenning’s season low in passing yardage has been 317, and in last week’s 48-27 victory over Virginia, he threw for a season high 346. If not for a second-half collapse in a 34-27 loss at North Texas, the Cards would now be talked about as a possible BCS team.

The College Football Czar just wanted to get that gag out of the way, before making light of concussion symptoms officially becomes a federal hate crime.

Things have been running so smoothly on offense for the Conjunction Boys that they don’t get much use out of “but” and “or” these days. They’ve got “&” down pat, though, in that they’re constantly adding more points and yardage to their totals.

Incredibly, this is the Rebels’ first home game against a Division I-A opponent. So far, they’ve hosted only I-AA Southeast Missouri State, while running a gauntlet of road games against Vanderbilt, Texas, Alabama and Auburn. They now begin a six-game homestand, their only remaining road trip a short one to Starkville, for the Egg Bowl at the end of the regular season.

So many other players and coaches have done such jerky things since Johnny Manziel’s performance against Rice that nobody even remembers it anymore. He’ll need to have an incredibly big game this week just to get some of his attention back. Either that, or he can strip off his uniform, paint himself silver, and run around the field going, “woobwoobwoobwoobwoob!” The Czar suspects he’ll do that first thing. It’s easier.

As long as the offenses and defenses were on the field, David Shaw’s team was pretty thoroughly dominated by Washington, but they took the lead early on Ty Montgomery’s 99-yard return of the opening kickoff, and held on to win 31-28. For the game, Montgomery had four returns for 204 yards, including a 68-yarder in the third quarter, that set up his team inside the 20.

Some observers may have been impressed with the Utes’ 34-27 loss to UCLA last Thursday night, but consider that the Bruins committed six turnovers and 13 penalties in that game, and it still wasn’t enough for Kyle Whittingham’s team to pull the upset in their home stadium.

Will at least one of these teams please wear its normal red and white uniforms this week, and put away the fashionable black faux-thug suits? If there’s anything more absurd than Salt Lake City hoodlums, it’s those Phi Beta Gangsta outfits the Cardinal wore last week.

FIU narrowly averted the fate of becoming the team against which Southern Miss broke the nation’s longest losing streak. The Golden Panthers blocked a field goal attempt on the last play of the game, to hand USM its 17th consecutive defeat, 24-23. At 1-4, the closest they had come to winning previously had been a 34-13 beating by Division I-AA Bethune-Cookman.

Second-year Blazer coach Garrick McGee is already in so much trouble that he has taken some of the weight off his shoulders by unloading defensive coordinator Reggie Johnson. McGee is only 2-13 against Division I-A competition, and his team is still reeling from his terrible blunder in this year’s opener against Troy, when he onside kicked with a 10-point third-quarter lead.

You’d think a player named Silas Spearman III would have to be a quarterback, but if the freshman Panther tailback has many more games like last week’s 136-yard performance, his coaches will gladly accept the ironic appellation. If you think that’s an unusual name, Spearman’s hometown is someplace in Florida called Loxahatchee.

Entering this season, Rebel coach Bobby Hauck had only six victories during his three seasons in Vegas. He has a realistic chance to equal that win total this season, in which his team is already 3-2. Senior tailback Tim Cornett already has seven rushing touchdowns, which equals his season total for each of the past two years.

The 0-5 Rainbow Warriors have suddenly been competitive in recent home losses to Fresno State (42-37) and San Jose State (37-27). They’ve fared more poorly in their two road losses, though, and they haven’t won a game on the mainland since edging Idaho in the Kibbie Dome, 16-14, just before Halloween of 2011.

UH freshman running back Steven Lakalaka is always fun to watch, not just because he’s a load at 5-10, 240, but because he makes every play-by-play announcer sound like Fozzy Bear.

Tech quarterback Baker Mayfield reportedly has no structural damage to the knee that was injured in last week’s 54-16 clobbering of Kansas, but don’t expect him to return immediately. His fellow freshman, Davis Webb, will get the start against the Cyclones.

The Big XII has officially reprimanded ISU coach Paul Rhoads for criticizing the officials after last Thursday’s one-point loss to Texas. Rhoads’ offending statement was that the replay “showed a guy who was not down, and our guy with the football.” Thank heaven the league office stepped in and stopped this maniac before he hurt somebody.

Back in Week 3 against TCU, Red Raider tailback DeAndre Washington almost scored a touchdown. Then, it suddenly became extremely important that he wave his right hand in front of his facemask like a windshield wiper. Since he was carrying the ball in his right hand, he naturally let go of the ball before crossing the goal line, so that he could proceed with his predetermined routine.

It was a completely understandable thing to do, at least to head coach Kliff Kingsbury, who not only didn’t appear angry with Washington when he came to the sideline, but put him right back on the field for the following play.

Memo to Kingsbury: Regardless of whatever success you have, you’ll never be a real football coach as long as you’re so fashionably dressed, with neatly-kept stubble, and generally looking like Henri from Cheers. The very least you can do is put on a hat, pick up a clipboard, and chew something.

Oklahoma 34, Texas 14

Hoom-haw. Actually I see this as being another Rout 66, the game that doomed the Yankee lip balmer.

For a Czar, you seem a bit dull. I can’t speak to the accuracy of all you’ve written, but your “analysis” of the WSU-OSU matchup is deeply flawed. First of all, Washington State players are Cougars, not Wildcats. Secondly, they are coached by Mike Leach, not Mike Price - Price left Wazzu back in 2002. And I find it odd that while you point out that Oregon State’s Mannion is leading the nation in passing with 2018 yards, nary a mention for Cougar Conner Halliday, the third leading passer in the country at 1993, a mere 15 yards back.

My wounded Dawgs are toast. I don’t think we will get past this one. Too many injuries.

We are a FEMA camp during Obama’s government shutdown.

6 posted on 10/11/2013 5:07:09 AM PDT by al_c (Obama's standing in the world has fallen so much that Kenya now claims he was born in America.)

8 posted on 10/12/2013 12:52:00 PM PDT by FlJoePa ("Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good")

Heh heh, you could make a version of that for Tennessee and “Rocky Top”.

Or for USC and their stupid Trojan march bit that they play after every single down.

11 posted on 10/12/2013 2:54:15 PM PDT by al_c (Obama's standing in the world has fallen so much that Kenya now claims he was born in America.)

Picture of the day:

Secondary picture of the day:

13 posted on 10/13/2013 8:07:38 AM PDT by FlJoePa ("Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good")

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