Skip to comments.What to do when a coach sends your kid an e-mail like this....? (Vanity)
Posted on 09/07/2013 1:13:55 AM PDT by MacMattico
I know this isn't Syria or anything of that much importance to anybody but my family. But as a Conservative I think it's important to talk about kids and how they're treated and what we expect of them.
Honor roll niece is a member of an undefeated team in her sport. We go to watch her games, she is in HS and has been a Varsity starter for 3 years since 8th grade and was made a Captain this year.
After she started seeing a little less playing time, she respectfully (I watched her do this) asked if there was something she needed to do to improve, a certain skill she needed to work on. Nope, everything was fine, just getting some other girls some playing time against the "easier" teams.
Then suddenly an e-mail from the coach saying she lacked in every skill area, listing all skill areas, performed horribly in tryouts, has been a negative for the team as a whole (scoring wise not attitude or effort), and more negative comments, I can't remember them all, the e-mail was on my sister's phone as we were in the parking lot going to nieces game. Obviously the coach sent it out during the school day, so much for teaching! I asked if she (niece) had seen the e-mail, or if the coach had said something. Not that my sister knew of. So we approached the field thinking niece would be unhappy and on the bench. We got there just as the game was starting and niece is in there, starting. Plays 80% of the game and contributes much. We read the e-mail again. All we can figure out is this coach went off because niece asked "how can I improve" as if questioning the coaches coaching ability. My sister says she needs to think about what she's going to do, and doesn't even want to show her daughter the e-mail it's so negative. The coach also plays favorites and likes to have their ass kissed. Niece is friendly and good at the sport so has been able to avoid having to ass kiss or hang out with only certain girls.
Report it to as many authorities as you can. Contact the principal, superintendent, the school board, go through the entire school district if you have to. Bring this to their attention that they have people they have entrusted with roles of authority and significant influence over their kids who have not mentally and emotionally matured past the age of 13. Definitely not something you can let slide.
Don’t tell or involve the niece. You are probably correct that this is about your loud sister, not the niece. Talk to the athletic director or principal. Nobody has a right to playing time, don’t even think that. Parents and students do have a right to expect professional behavior from teachers/coaches.
I would probably pull her off that team. There is no,point in playing for a contentious coach, as he will be less interested in seeing her improve and be more interested in just being critical of her performance. It’s not, imo, a relationship that can improve. I would be inclined in getting her into something else that she can enjoy, or, put her in her chosen sport, but outside the school.
Besides, if she’s that bad, from the coach’s POV, he won’t miss her. He was also incredibly stupid to have sent anything less than the most professional of emails because it is now documented.
Is the coach sexually abusing the girls?
You got it in one - legitimate concerns or not your sister has made the coach feel like he is under attack. I would say leave it alone and let the kids playing speak for itself - tell her to double her efforts to impress!
I’m not sure your characterization of his email is accurate.
Or may be the coach is the problem. But I have seen many parents write of their children's troubles by trying to blame some one else.
Is the coach named Barry Switzer?
The coach is under pressure to ensure every kid gets a chance to play in the season. It sounds like he removed your niece during a non-critical game so a lesser player got a chance to play.
At this point, I’d let it go. Your niece is back to getting more time and she’s happy. Just chalk it up to the coach having a bad day at this point.
That’s the weird thing— unless my sister shows her daughter the e-mail, I don’t think niece has ever been made aware of any major issues and doesn’t dislike the coach. She still starts and gets a lot of playing time. What crossed my mind was what kind of e-mail is sent to those that don’t play all that much? Niece loves the sport.
Tell your sister to shut up. You stay out of it and let the coach do his job. If your niece is being treated unfairly, it is a good lesson to learn. Life is not fair and it will never be. For the rest of her life, hundreds if not thousands of situations will be unfair in work, relationships, and friendships.
What does it matter if the coach was blowing off a little steam? It is sue happy, big mouth parents that are making the coach’s job impossible. Comments stating the coach should never left a paper trail inflame my sensibilities. The reason he left the paper trail is because you are thinking of destroying his life since your niece is getting a little less playing time. Every parents is looking for leverage to crush him, his family, destroy his career, and any good will he feels toward the kids he coaches / teaches.
Now multiply your busy body loud mouth sister times 20. When I was young if a teacher sent a note home saying I misbehaved, I was punished. Nowadays, that same note has the parent running to the principle office to punish the teacher. It is impossible to be a good educator in today’s society and we are raising a group of weaklings.
If you want to do your niece a favor. Tell her to do her best and if that is not good enough, it is not good enough. That life is not fair and that there will always be setbacks. To stop asking for a fair shake in life. Life is compromise.
If she wants something, create it. If she fails, pick her butt off the ground and try again. Not to depend on anyone for her well being. Her destiny is hers if she takes charge, if she depends on others to be happy she will never be. To teach her kids to be strong.
I agree with you that, even if your sister took a stripe off him, he shouldn’t have sent that email. At the very least, to the wrong person, he’s opened up himself to litigation issues and being a liability to the school. That is bad form on his part.
If your niece seems largely unaffected, she probably doesn’t know about it. IMO, it is best to leave it as no real harm was done beyond bickering between two adults.
Just keep tabs on the niece to see if there are further problems.
Maybe the coach wants more than her ass kissed, if you get my drift.
It’s more likely that he wanted to allow players, who are bench warmers, a chance to perform. It was likely a game that wouldn’t affect his statistics much, which allows him to take better players out and put in lesser players.
In todays education system, if a coach doesn’t play everybody sometime during the season, it can cost him his job.
Unless there is more information than you have presented, that’s probably all it was.
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