Posted on 08/22/2013 11:56:16 AM PDT by lee martell
He is very strange looking, at least when he smiles.
Alot like that weirdo Jack Nicholson. He always looks mean at the very least, though. Same look when they smile, no doubt.
“they’re only tryin’ to screw ya!”
Actually it’s “fool ya”. Didn’t have much talk like that in the media back then.
To me, that’s actually not as creepy as James Carville smiling.
Screw Ya, Fool Ya,,,,All that time I thought it was ‘School Ya’. Oh well.
from the song “Dogs”, by The Pink Floyd
You gotta be crazy, you gotta have a real need.
You gotta sleep on your toes, and when you’re on the street,
You gotta be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed.
And then moving in silently, down wind and out of sight,
You gotta strike when the moment is right without thinking.
And after a while, you can work on points for style,
Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,
A certain look in the eye, and an easy smile.
You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to.
So that when they turn their backs on you
You’ll get the chance to put the knife in.
OMG, you may be right - or do they have 2 different parts?
“school ya” was definitely in there, after “I’M only trying...”
Not sure I remember if “THEY’RE only trying to fool ya” was actually in there!
LOL
Shows how long it’s been to hear it.
Carville is the WEIRDEST person I’ve ever seen/heard, certainly the weirdest prominent media member.
The guy was like the “Deliverance” inbred. He even moved and snarled like a defective.
Saw him last night and he’s looking more and more drawn in his old age. Ears are sticking out even more. Still seems like a defective.
When I read those lyrics, the movie ‘Clockwork Orange’ comes to mind. All that over the top violence seemed like something from a cheap foreign novel back then.
These days he looks like Golem from Lord of the Rings.
LOL! Yes, that was it...
More like Schmeegle!
Maybe it’s time to dust off this old gem. I did NOT write this, but I wish I did...
James Carville - The E! True Washington Story
by dead (####lagas@yahoo.###)
E! Narrator: He was the baddest boy in an administration full of bad boys. He refined the walk, the talk, and the look of the Clinton Presidency. A Ragin’ Cajun with a limited resume and unlimited anger, James Carville could be as mean as a pit bull. But nobody expected James’ verbal violence to lead to physical violence. When it did, it secured James Carville’s place in the annals of criminal horror.
(Scene: A short bearded man, seated in a quaint kitchen. Title - Wolf Blitzer, pastry chef, former journalist.)
Blitzer: We all new he was a little nuts, but we thought he was harmless. And then, a crime of that magnitude…well, sometimes you don’t know somebody as well as you think you do.
E! Narrator: Over the next hour, we’ll look at the runaway train that was the career of James Carville - and the inevitable train wreck that ensued. It is a tale of political warfare and betrayals, career success and personal destruction, and finally it is a tale of unspeakable evil. You’ll see it all, on tonight’s E! True Washington Story.
James Carville was born on October 25, 1944. He grew up the oldest of eight children in Carville, Louisiana, a brackish backwater bend on the Mississippi River. The small town of Carville was named after James’ grandfather, who was the town’s postmaster and owner of the general store. After the conviction of James Carville, the town changed its name to honor its first mayor, William Hitler. Shortly thereafter, the town changed its name to Town.
His father was a determined, but by all accounts inept, human fly. He died very young. His mother, known to all as Miss Nippy, sold ski equipment door-to-door, while trying to keep her eight children out of trouble. Money was very tight.
(Scene: A sad old woman, sitting in a sundress, under a canopy of hackberry and magnolia trees. Title - Eva Daigrepont - Carville family friend.)
Daigrepont: Miss Nippy was always taking in stray dogs and the like. She loved all the Lord’s creatures, but that boy a hers - he were different. In a scary way… like he were not of this place. I caught him eating a muskrat one day, he didn’t even have the sense to kill it first. They were rolling around the grass biting each other. That James, he won. I seen him later…he got fur in his teeth and blood all down his shirt. He sayed “Good morning” to me like he ain’t got a care in the world. A real strange one - that James.
E! Narrator: Childhood was not easy for James. His family was poor, as were most of the townsfolk, but it was the taunting of the other children that hurt him most.
(Scene: Skinny, old, toothless man on a sagging porch. Sunny day. Leans back on ratty couch, with a Pabst Blue Ribbon in his hand. Title - Chester Ludlow - Neighbor.)
Ludlow: The kids was oft times mean to him. Ya know, chasing him with sticks, hollarin’ “Lizard Face!”. It were even worser when the adults joined in. Even did it myself, I’m ‘shamed to say. I was drunk, and I couldn’t help it…ya know, I’d see that lizard face a his and git all riled. Heh…heh…I throwed him down an outhouse once…I guess that were wrong. Funny as hell, though…he liked it down there, wouldn’t come out for days.
E! Narrator: Even his siblings were less than kind.
(Scene: Dirty, fat woman in her fifties. Smoking a pipe and sitting on a green padded bench, once part of a school bus. Title - Murnel Boudreaux - James Carville’s sister.)
Boudreaux: I rememba taking Jimmy down the bayou. We tied ‘em up and toll him we was fixing to feed him to the gators. Done it, too. Throwed him in, but the gators swam away. Not a lot a meat on him…couple days later we went back and fished him out…He stunk sumpin’ fierce…Raymond!! Git off yer sista! You know she got her visitor dis week!
E! Narrator: In 1962, James escaped from the horrors of his childhood by entering Louisiana State University. After four years, James was proud to become the first member of his family to fail out of college.
(Scene: Bookish man in tweed, sitting amongst leather-bound books in the school library. Title - Dr. D.L. Crochet - Provost LSU.)
Crochet: James was not the brightest young fellow I’ve ever met. In fact, he couldn’t even spell LSU. But, he was tenacious. Most students as plain dumb as James fail out after their first semester. It took James four years. The other students mostly stayed away from him, him being a lizard face and all. They were scared - he was suspended once for eating a bug in his Introduction to Pre-Remedial Studies class.
E! Narrator: Following his dismissal from LSU, James joined the Marine Corps. He was stationed for two years at San Diego’s Camp Pendleton. His commanding officer had nothing but kind things to say about him.
(Scene: A burly military man, standing in the bright sun, next to a jeep. Title - Sergeant Jack Norris - USMC.)
Norris: He was a great motivater for the other men in his company. Before a five mile run, we’d tell James that the first guy he caught he could lick on the mouth. Then we’d let him go. Funniest shit I ever saw. Them guys’d run like their ass was on fire. This foaming at the mouth psycho chasing ‘em all over camp, swirling his lizard tongue at them. Even the fat bastards would haul ass. Then we’d give him some raw hamburger and let him sleep in the motor pool. Best conditioned company I ever had. Shame he went psycho…could see it coming, though.
E! Narrator: After the marines and a six year stint in a law firm, James began his political career. He first managed Lloyd Doggett’s unsuccessful bid for governor of Texas.
(Scene: Man in suit, on the steps of the Capitol building. Title - Rep. John Doggett - D-TX.)
Doggett: For my entire political career, I championed gun control. But, I was always worried that people would find out about the gun I carried. I guess it was a little hypocritical, but I was terrified of James. When I was his candidate, he would sleep outside the door of my house. Rolled up on the welcome mat, all night. He told me he wanted to protect me. Didn’t shower for weeks at a time, and ate things he caught. Who wouldn’t carry a gun?
E! Narrator: When James Carville took over Bill Clinton’s campaign for the Presidency, things really started moving for him. The little boy with so many problems was finally getting his due. But many people thought that Bill Clinton lacked the character to run the country.
(Scene: Elderly man on a park bench in Union Square, NYC. Title - Nat Hentoff - Retired Journalist.)
Hentoff: He was evil, pure and simple. Every word out of his mouth was disingenuous and calculated. He talked about the poor, or the blacks, or the elderly, or the Kosovars, but he cared only about himself. For some reason, a majority of people could not see through that. To the rest of us, it was as obvious as neon sign.
E! Narrator: Others felt exactly the opposite way.
(Scene: Elderly woman in small office space. Title - Eleanor Clift - Junior Editor, Harlequin Books.)
Clift: He was what we Democratic women always wanted. He was young, and charming, and sincere, and he was so…how can I phrase it…tall. Does that sound silly? Well no sillier, I guess, than voting for Reagan. I mean he was tall too, but so…so…oh, I don’t know…mean, I guess. Even if Clinton grabbed a woman, or god forbid, raped her, I’m sure he was never mean…I mean, mean like Reagan.
E! Narrator: After the election victory, James Carville was on top of the world. Learning how to use silverware, and win national elections, were just the sort of things that opened doors in Washington. For awhile, James thought his troubles were over. Then Ken Starr came to town.
(Scene: Television footage, May, 1997. James Carville sits across a desk from Geraldo Rivera.)
Rivera: James, you are so wonderful, tears of joy fill my eyes as I speak to you. Please, I know you don’t like to mention him, but give me your opinion of Ken Starr.
Carville: Geraldo, the man is a sex-crazed, out-of-control sex-policeman. He subpoenaed Mother Teresa ‘bout sex, right ‘fore she died! American people don’t know that. Tobacco money...that’s all...President and the First Lady most decent, blessed people I ever know’d. Ken Starr full of sex, got sex coming out his ears, tobacco money, heading to Malibu, makes me want to toss my gumbo. Right-wing partisan spending $40 million on this sex hunt, shoulda built a marble monument to Hillary Clinton with that money.
Rivera: Oh James, that was so great. Now, I got wood! See what you did, look at it! Come here, give me a hug.
E! Narrator: The battle with Ken Starr dragged on for years. After the impeachment trial of Bill Clinton ended in acquittal, it looked like the Clinton presidency would finish triumphantly. Blessed with a war, the president enjoyed his highest poll numbers ever, with approval ratings in the low nineties. But cracks began to appear in the facade the administration had built up.
In the mid summer of 2000, the first audio tapes began turning up. At first, nobody knew where they were coming from, but they were devastating in their impact. The first one was taped on August 19th, 1998, the day before Monica Lewinsky appeared before Ken Starr’s grand jury. It was also the day before Clinton launched cruise missile attacks against Afghanistan and the Sudan.
(Scene: Still photo of Clinton, Mike McCurry, and Sydney Blumenthal. Scratchy audio tape plays...)
McCurry: How am I supposed to go out there and face the press tomorrow? Monica’s talking to Ken Starr’s grand jury. The media’s gone crucify you - except CNN.
Clinton: What ideas you got, Syd, to knock this off the front pages?
Blumenthal: Well Mr. President, our numbers indicate that you should think about bombing some country.
Clinton: Fine, how’s about Serbia.
Blumenthal: Actually, the numbers register a much bigger jump if you bomb a Muslim country.
Clinton (after a long pause): Then how ‘bout two Muslim countries? (Laughter fills the room.)
(Scene: Thin man, dressed in a cheap tuxedo, standing in the front door of a seedy casino. Title - Mike McCurry - Pawhatawny Casino Greeter, former Presidential Press spokesman.)
McCurry: I mean, generally, we all tried not to know too much. You know, normally the DNA shows up, you gotta bail on the guy. But with Bill it was different. You had to go that extra mile. DNA proves facts, DNA don’t prove motive, DNA don’t prove emotions. Anyway, that’s what I was supposed to sell. It may stink like shit, but I’m trying to convince the country that it’s merely unpleasantly scented. Yeah, that tape really damaged my credibility, but you can see why I’d go for those bombings. Made my job easier, is all.
(Scene: New York Deli. Screaming customers. Dishes clanking. Sweaty, skinny man looking nervously at the camera. Dressed in deli uniform, covered with roast beef juice and mayonnaise. Title - Sydney Blumenthal - Deli man, former Presidential Advisor.)
Blumenthal: I was finished in both politics and journalism when that tape came out. Hillary said she’d stand by me, then she stopped taking my calls. I lost everything. Those two, Bill and Hillary I mean, there still out there living it up. Not in America, anymore, but still with plenty of dough. Look at me...God, I can’t believe what I’ve been reduced to.
Surly man by cash register: Hey Shitney!! We don’t pay you to chat - you got egg salad up! Get back to work!
Blumenthal (whispering) : I gotta go.
E! Narrator: There were more tapes to come. More careers ruined. Clinton and Carville were both desperate to find out where the tapes were coming from. Then, the mysterious deaths started. The administration claimed they were all unfortunate, but unrelated. Cynics were not so sure.
In July alone, four close associates of the president died of natural causes, six committed suicide, and seven died in separate plane crashes. The month culminated with the tragic demise of Monica Lewinsky, who died of natural causes after a failed suicide attempt during a plane crash.
With so much pressure coming down on the administration, it was never really a question of whether someone would snap. It was a question of who would it be, and when. That question was answered on September 7th, 2000, the night before a major Democratic fund-raiser. The epic tragedy was recounted in the James Carville’s chilling confession:
(Scene: Grainy, black & white police video shot from ceiling camera - Sept. 23, 2000 displayed on screen. Small, plain room - one-way mirror along the wall, one table, three chairs. Two detectives sit facing Carville. He has his head down, but looks up repeatedly with crazed eyes.)
Carville: We was in the kitchen, Larry and me. Da whole thing with sex crazy Ken Starr and those tapes were makin’ me itchy. Larry sayed he wants a piece of chicken, so we went in the kitchen together. I was cooking up some ho-made Cajun dishes for the big doings the next night.
First Detective: How did it turn violent, James?
Carville: He sayed sumpin’...
Second Detective: What did Mr. Flynt say James?
Carville: Sumpin’ awful. I cain’t repeat it. Blaspheme…
Second Detective: Was it something about the president, James?
Carville: Yeah… he sayed he were an adulterer…not like that Monica stuff, but like a man and wife...like he do with Hillary…only with somebody else.
First Detective: What did you say then, James?
Carville: I didn’t say nuthin’! I just kicked ‘em…kicked ‘em in that fat pumpkin face o’ his!
Second Detective: Did you kill him, James?
Carville: Not then…he jess fall out his chair…that chair with wheels…he were gurgling or sumpin’, I don’t know. It made me mad. Him gurgling after saying that ‘bout the president. A man oughtn’t say that about the president!! I killed ‘em then. Sliced his fat, gurgling neck wit’ a kitchen knife…
E! Narrator: What James Carville did next would raise his sin from an ordinary crime of passion, to an unspeakable act of horror.
(Scene: Local New Orleans news footage from September 8th, 2000. Grand old plantation house, in bayou country. Hundreds of well dressed people gathered, drinking wine and chatting in small groups. Long line at the buffet tables. On-the-spot reporter broadcasts from the Democratic fund-raiser.)
Local News Reporter: Well, Sue and Mike, it’s like Hollywood on the bayou, here. Celebrities, local dignitaries, and big spenders, gathering at this major Democratic fund-raiser tonight…
(Scene: Local news shots of bayou fund-raiser continues, with footage of the buffet table and crowd eating dinner. Carville’s confession continues in voice-over.)
Carville: I throwed his bones in da swamp…but I grinded up his flesh…I was cooking up some gumbo anyway’d…he made up half the gumbo, and I still had ‘nuff for forty sausages…tasted like pork and gator…I throwed in lots a peppa…greasy as hell…
(Scene: Close up of James Brolin taking big bite of a sausage sandwich. His wife, Barbara Streisand picks up a piece of sausage off his plate and shoves it in her mouth. They both nod their approval as they chew. Shot freezes and fades as they lean towards each other and kiss.
Fade into a courtroom. James Carville sits in an orange jump suit. Shackles hang from his ankles and wrists.)
Judge: Because you have shown such a gross indifference to semi-human life, I sentence you to no less than 25 years in the Louisiana State Penitentiary. During this time of incarceration, under no circumstances, shall you be permitted to work in the prison kitchen.
E! Narrator: As the tapes continued to find their way to press outlets, the identity of the owner became known.
(Scene: Small, chubby man sitting at large desk, with panoramic view of midtown New York City behind him. Title - Dick Morris - President, NBC News, former Presidential Advisor.)
Morris: When Lucianne Goldberg first approached me about doing a book, I told her I wasn’t interested. Of course, she had no idea that I had those tapes at that time. With a little help from my friends in the Secret Service, I was able to cover my own ass, so to speak. I really only wanted them as protection. But then the President made a fatal error. When the IRS approached me about an audit, I called Lucianne back immediately.
(Scene: White haired woman in glasses, sitting in a large, regal, red leather chair. Two rottweilers lounge at her feet. Title - Lucianne Goldberg - Vast Right Wing Conspiracy - Matriarch.)
Goldberg: As soon as he told me about the tapes, I called Richard Melon Scaife. He had the money. He could provide the safe house, and the armed protection for Dick. Watching that evil administration crumble was a more glorious spectacle than I ever imagined. My only regret is that they wouldn’t let me buy the leftover sausage after the trial. I really let down my babies, here.
(Scene: Fade out as Goldberg leans forward and pets her dogs, laughing maniacally. Fade in on James Carville, wearing a Hannibal Lecter style mask, strapped to a hand truck in prison.)
Carville: Twenty-five years... I can wait. That Ken Starr, tobacco money, sex crazed, partisan’s a dead man. I’m coming to Malibu, Ken Starr!!! Right wing, hateful, sex, I’ll get you!! You never got the President, Ken Starr. Forty million dollars, never got him... tobacco money...
E! Narrator: Indeed Ken Starr never did get President Clinton. While his Administration ended in disgrace, his political career was far from over. Few people get the type of second chances that he and his wife have enjoyed. While he had to sneak away in the middle of the night, disgraced and hunted, from the most powerful job in the world, the job he eventually landed stood as a fine consolation prize.
(Scene: A large white man, with surgically altered eyes, triumphantly raises his hands, and the hands of his beaming wife. An adoring crowd of tens of thousands fills Tiananmen Square. Title - Wim Jef Clin Don - Premiere - China.)
Outstanding Carville parody! Close to the truth, too.
Except IIRC it leaves out mention of his (supposedly) conservative wife Mary Matalin. Could’ve woven some `demon spawn’ imagery there.
ah YES i think that this EERIE looking filner clown takes the cake
Roger that. Although I am picky about the asshats sittin’ next to me in their car with their bass turned up so loud that their trunk rattles. Sounds more like a cracked speaker in most cases.
Looks like the picture of a dirty old man.
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