Like others on this thread, my husband and I preferred a small and modest wedding we could afford to a big costly one we couldn’t afford. We were adults so we didn’t ask our parents for financial help, either—we considered it quite enough that they had to travel to the area where we were living. Still, the ceremony was beautiful and memorable, the only one to be held in that particular venue (and the venue was free!) We invited people we loved, and were glad to pay for their food and drink. And having a small but charming wedding did nothing to harm my husband’s ascent up the ladder in his profession.
The gift registries aren’t intended to be a way of telling guests what they have to buy. They’re supposed to save embarrassment for everyone. So if Tilly and Vortigern are getting married and you can’t spend much, you don’t have to call up Tilly’s mother and hear her tell you that Tilly and Vortigern need twelve thousand-dollar Flora Danica dinner plates. You can just look at what they have on their registry and find something that’s at the price point you’re comfortable with, from a bath towel on up. You don’t have to buy a gift from the registry at all, if something else catches your eye. Or if you don’t want to buy anything at all.
I guess traditions are different in different parts of the US. We can surely accept each other’s traditions, and I will remember never to accept a wedding invitation from Italian-Americans in the Northeast, because I truly could not afford to give an acceptable gift these days. But surely we’re all in agreement that pitching a fit if someone doesn’t give you enough money is vulgar, yes?
Well, it would depend very much upon what kind of career it is and again, the part of the country. And you can say that a registry is supposed to save embarrassment, but to me that sounds like an excuse retailers gleefully offered up to greedy couples until registries became the norm. There have always been appropriate sentimental and frugal wedding presents without a registry and without asking the mothers - e.g. a Christmas ornament, a framed print, a homemade afghan, etc. And the whole asking the mothers thing is an invented problem as far as those of us in this part of the country are concerned - Green is always the right color! Whether you're giving $50 or $250.
But surely we’re all in agreement that pitching a fit if someone doesn’t give you enough money is vulgar, yes?
Absolutely!
And if you're invited to an Irish or Italian (or Polish or Russian for that matter) wedding in the Northeast, if you're not a special friend of the family it probably is best if you stay away if you're not prepared to cover your plate. However, if you are a special friend whose presence will be sorely missed if you're not there, better to attend with a thoughtful, cheap gift than to miss the wedding.