Posted on 12/29/2012 5:48:56 AM PST by JoeProBono
They could have fed a Third World nation, or poured money into cancer research, or tried saving those polar bears stuck on itty-bitty ice floes. But no-o-o-o-o, Hollywood had better things to do with its hundreds of millions of dollars, like letting Adam Sandler make That's My Boy, and thinking we needed a remake of Red Dawn.
Sure, the film biz isn't in it for the philanthropy, and it's totally unfair to hold the expenditure of $250 million ( John Carter) or even a paltry $102 million ( Cloud Atlas) against actors, directors, and second grips engaged in earnest endeavors to create something memorable, or moving, or just fun.After all, no one intentionally sets out to make 90 minutes or two hours or three hours of stupefying dreck, right? Right?! RIGHT?!!
Herewith, the 10 dumbest, most misguided, wasteful, indulgent, soul-crushing, life-robbing films of 2012.
They're in alphabetical order, except for the last one. Maybe Peter Jackson's first installment in his new Middle-earth trilogy isn't really that awful, but it is an unexpected journey - unexpectedly twee and tech-obsessed, like being stuck in an endless video game, except a fellow with furry feet has run off with your gamepad.
Cloud Atlas Cross-dimensional, time-traveling cosmic hooey, although Tom Hanks and Halle Berry's postapocalyptic patois would make for a great comedy sketch. The gods of reincarnation should sue. And here's a question: Are codirector Lana Wachowski and Clementine Kruczynski, the heroine of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind played by Kate Winslet, the same person?
John Carter Pixar animator Andrew Stanton tried his hand with live-action in this $250 million Disney fiasco, an adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars - or Barsoom, as the pulp scribe was wont to call the Red Planet. Lynn Collins is Princess Dejah, who hails from Helium, and some of the warring creatures she and Civil War-era Earthling Taylor Kitsch contend with are Tharks, Therns, and Zodangans. Never mind the giant green-skinned, multi-limbed creatures - look out for those Barsoomian subtitles!
Lola Versus
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
Playing for Keeps
Red Dawn
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
That's My Boy
Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
I do not give money to the hollywood commies.
We had to remake this?
Why was it made in the first place?
Agreed.
Truly awful.
And they absolutely WASTED Bill Nighy in, what?, two minutes of screen time?
Bill Freaking Nighy ???!!!
“The Hobbit”
Top ten worst films of 2012 ???
Granted it took a large license in adding to the story line....but I enjoyed it and it’s hardly in the top ten.....
I don't ........... recall.
In fact, we are about to reap the harvest of ignoring Senator McCarthy.
He added “The Hobbit” to the list for shock value, so that his readership might know how “BOLD”, EDGY” and “GRITTY” he is as he “SPEAKS TRUTH TO POWER!”
Similar to a kid sprinkling his talk with “f-bombs” to impress his playground buddies.
Puerile.
“Seeking a Friend for the End of the World”
Damn, how depressing is that?
hollywood has been desperate for subject material for quite some time, this is just further proof IMHO.
I loved The Hobbit, and I am fairly certain I’m going to immensely enjoy parts 2 and 3! :)
To be fair the remake was better than the original, which isn’t saying much.
The Hobbit is a very good movie.
Oops, I meant “X”... I shouldn’t post in the morning till I’ve had breakfast. :)
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World was pretty interesting.
Cept everyone did die in the end.
Gotta love a FR thread on movies. Bunch of grouches “I’ve haven’t been to a movie in 20 years...now get off my lawn”....lol
I think it’s obvious the guy who wrote the article did not read the book...
I watched the movie which prompted me to re-read the book...
I read it some 30 years ago and didn’t realize how far off the path the movie takes the storyline....lots of added content..but remains true to the book theme...
Still enjoyed it and looking forward to the next movie..
How about this for a Hollywood story line:
Take the movie Footloose, take Arielle’s family and move them to Chicago.
In the end, after a moving speech about morality and values from Arielle, the community comes together, gets rid of the liberal element that has turned the community into a war zone and then there is a final production number with the entire cast.
You’d have as much chance of that happening as Obama saying “We need to start tackling the deficit now where should we cut”...and would someone start that pipeline? We need some oil around here.”
Now, get off my lawn!
My late father was a writer. Two of his books, VEECK AS IN WRECK, about the legendary sports promoter Bill Veeck and WHERE THE MONEY WAS, the autobiography of the bank robber Wille Sutton, have been optioned by Hollywood form the last 25 year or more.. I cannot even remember. All I know is when the options started, Bill Veeck. Willie Sutton and my beloved Father were all alive.
I see the crap that comes out of Hollywood now and I shake my head when I know these great stories are out there, I shake my head about how far our culture has fallen. Well, maybe this Year’s the year!
No matter how much McCarthy is proved right, the American people, and especially those in WI, will never admit to the fact.
... was actually not awful. Sure, you have to be able to take an hour and a half of Steve Carell -- or Keira Knightley if she's what you object to (though if she is your main problem with a Steve Carell movie, I have to wonder about you), but once you got past the awkwardness of the first half-hour, it wasn't terrible.
I don't suppose The Hobbit, etc. was that bad either, though I laugh every time I see the poster or the promo -- funny woodland creatures with furry feet who resemble that annoying guy from the original English The Office (who is in any case, at least a little less annoying than Steve Carell).
At least half of the really worst movies of the year are obscure ones people probably haven't seen and don't know the names of (or don't remember the names if they have seen them). Just getting wide release and public recognition is a hurdle that (often) means a picture has to have something going for it. Small, independent pictures or cheap, exploitation rip-offs or little-known foreign trash flicks have to be a lot worse than The Hobbit, maybe even worse than Cloud Atlas.
Shouldn’t that be “bottom ten”? ;’) Thanks JoeProBono.
Bad news. A sequel is ready and you’ve been tied to you seat with your eyes forced open Clockwork Orange style.
That’s “ReKall” in this version. WTHeck???
Couldn’t agree more. Bill Nighy is one of my favorite actors, and they didn’t even let him be himself in that one. Sucked on ice.
Django. Hands down.
How many assaults will there be against white people by blacks because of that stupid, racist movie??
LOL!!!
“Take the movie Footloose, take Arielle’s family and move them to Chicago.”
Thanks, but I’d rather take the gas pipe. lol
I haven’t been to a movie this century.
I watched “John Carter” and found it to be a pretty good picture. Why it came for in for so much criticism is beyond me.
Next time, please give me a warning first before posting something so hideous!!
Otherwise you and FReep are going to owe me a new keyboard and hard drive (because I threw up and then hurled the entire computer into the fireplace).
Suggestions (wonder why Germany hasn't made films of the last two?):
1) "Under the Red Sea Sun" - An American naval officer performs miracles of salvage in the "completely destroyed" Italian naval base at Massawa, Eritrea in early 1942.
2) "Battle of the Bundu" - German officer von Lettow-Vorbeck and his rag-tag colonials fend off the Brits in East Africa and only surrenders because WWI is over.
3) The Cruise of the Ayesha - An abandoned landing party of the German raider Emden steals a schooner and sails 3,000 miles across the Pacific, through the Middle East, and 18 months later reports to the Kaiser "I report the landing squad from the 'Emden,' five officers, seven petty officers, and thirty men strong." (lost three men)
THAT was simply a horrible movie. So depressing.
Women have two X chromosomes. Men have one.
Can’t imagine how they left “Django” off the list...
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