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(Take My Wives, Please) 1,000-Year-Old Muslim Joke Book Found
Discovery News ^ | November 27, 2012 | Jennifer Viegas

Posted on 12/01/2012 2:17:28 PM PST by DogByte6RER

1000-year-old Muslim joke book

1,000-Year-Old Muslim Joke Book Found

An 11th-century book by a revered Baghdad Muslim scholar turns out to be a tongue-in-cheek guide for party crashers, according to the researcher who translated the book into English.

The tome was originally authored by al-Khatib al-Baghdadi, a well known scholar of the Prophet Mohammed's teachings.

According to Emily Selove of the University of Manchester, who did the translation, he wrote the book to remind readers "that every serious minded person needs to take a break."

She continued, "This book, which contains flirtation, profanity, and even a little drunkenness, is a lot of fun and offers a rather different perspective to the austere image Islam has from that period. The reality is that the Baghdad of 1,000 years ago was actually rather Bohemian -- it wasn't perfect by any means -- but not the violent and repressive society you might imagine it was."

Selove, however, added, "Though it's light and really quite an enjoyable read, there are serious messages too. The book is about generosity and encouraging individuals to express themselves eloquently and clearly."

"It also suggests that turning a hungry person away from a place laden with food was cruel -- as food was sometimes in short supply to the poor. It castigated those who turned gate crashers away from parties as misers. You do not turn people away if they are hungry."

Humor, though, is peppered through the book. It even contains a piece of satire: a fictional document commissioned by a Caliph on the creation of a "Government office for Gatecrashing."

• Jokes

Here are some of the jokes:

Once a man crashed another man's party. "Who are you?" the host asked him. "I'm the one who saved you the trouble of sending an invitation!" he replied.

A party-crasher walked into a gathering, and they said to him, "Nobody invited you!" "But if you didn't invite me and I didn't come," he replied, "think how lonely that would be!"

Once a party-crasher walked in the house of a man who had invited a gathering of people. "Hey, you!" the man said. "Did I say you could come?" "Did you say I couldn't come?" the party crasher replied.

Someone asked a party-crasher, "What's four times four?" "Sixteen loaves of bread," he said. "What is two times two?" "Four loaves of bread," he replied. And another time he said, "I waited the amount of time it takes someone to eat a loaf of bread."

Bunan (a popular rogue at the time that Selove likens to a cross between Falstaff and Robin Hood) had eaten and eaten well, and someone said to him, "Slow down! You'll kill yourself!" "If it is time to die," Bunan replied, "I want to go well fed and well watered, not parched and hungry."

A party-crasher took up with a man while traveling. One day the man said to him, "“Go and buy some meat for us." "No, by God, I don't have the means," said the party-crasher. So the man went and bought the meat. Then he said, "Get up and cook it." "I'm no good at cooking," said the party-crasher. So the man cooked the meat. Then he said, "Get up and sop the bread," and the party-crasher replied, "By God, I feel exhausted." So the man sopped the bread. Then he said, "Get up and ladle the stew." "I'm afraid I'll spill it on my robe," said the party-crasher, so the man ladled the stew. "Get up and eat," he said. "By God," said the party-crasher, "I've been feeling bad for refusing you so many times," and he came forward and ate.

• Advice

The book also contains advice:

A man said to Bunan, "Counsel me!"

"Don't fraternize," he replied, "but if you can't avoid it, pick someone who won't pester you. Don't go for greens, gorge on chicken skin, stuff yourself with goat kidneys, gulp bird gizzards, snatch fish innards, or concern yourself with the eyeballs if a head is served. And pay no attention to skinny poultry. Think of naught but what is in your plate, nor glance upon the plates of the others. And if the roast goat when passed to you has little meat left on it, pity not the weakness of the aged guests, nor the greed of the young. Eat, and don't bother yourself with the host's family, and don't waste time inquiring after their health."

Also, according to the book, the 12 features of meal-time which Muslims should learn:

- Four obligatory points to invoke God: before eating to know which food is forbidden, take pleasure in it, and thank God for it.

- Four customs of the prophet: to sit on one’s left foot while eating, not to reach across the table, eat with three fingers, and lick the fingers when finished.

- Four matters of good manners: wash your hands, take little bites, chew thoroughly, and do not stare at friends.

The book, called "The Art of Party Crashing," is published by Syracuse University Press.


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Chit/Chat; Humor; Miscellaneous; Religion; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: 11thcentury; archaelogy; baghdad; comedyisntpretty; gatecrashing; godsgravesglyphs; islam; jokes; muhammadsminions; muslim; muslims; partycrashers; takemywivesplease
Muslim Rage Boy

I wonder how long until ... oops, that didn't take long!

1 posted on 12/01/2012 2:17:31 PM PST by DogByte6RER
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To: Slings and Arrows

ping


2 posted on 12/01/2012 2:18:36 PM PST by DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")
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To: DogByte6RER

If only I knew how to post a picture that I have in my pic files!


3 posted on 12/01/2012 2:24:38 PM PST by wesagain (The God (Elohim) of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is the One True GOD.)
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To: DogByte6RER
Where's the love?


4 posted on 12/01/2012 2:24:53 PM PST by Daffynition (Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. ~ HLM)
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To: DogByte6RER

Finally, another version of the Koran. Newer too.


5 posted on 12/01/2012 2:30:02 PM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church shows up at your funeral.)
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To: DogByte6RER
Four Five customs of the prophet: to sit on one’s left foot while eating, not to reach across the table, eat with three fingers, and lick the fingers when finished.

Culture indoctrination sessions to living in the M.E... tells you *NEVER NEVER* shake a Muslims left hand....Why you ask?


6 posted on 12/01/2012 2:34:54 PM PST by Daffynition (Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. ~ HLM)
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To: wesagain

7 posted on 12/01/2012 2:46:13 PM PST by patriot08 (NATIVE TEXAN)
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To: DogByte6RER

These two Islamists walk into a bar and explode.


8 posted on 12/01/2012 3:01:51 PM PST by longfellow (Bill Maher, the 21st hijacker.)
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To: wesagain
The Unknown Comic I was thinking of this picture: Live From BAGhdad ... The Unknown Comic!
9 posted on 12/01/2012 3:04:55 PM PST by DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")
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To: DogByte6RER
“A party-crasher walked into a gathering, and one of the guests lopped off his head. “I guess no heads are better than one, said another member of the party.”
10 posted on 12/01/2012 3:06:39 PM PST by twister881
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To: DogByte6RER

11 posted on 12/01/2012 3:10:41 PM PST by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: DogByte6RER
“Guests at a wedding gang raped a party-crasher’s 10 year old sister, forcing the party-crasher to kill her. ‘Better dis-in-her than dishonor,’ said one of the guests.”
12 posted on 12/01/2012 3:17:33 PM PST by twister881
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To: DogByte6RER

Why did the muslim cross the street?

To get to the other suiCIDE.

...best I could do on short notice.


13 posted on 12/01/2012 3:21:58 PM PST by bramps (Sarah Palin got more votes in 2008 than Romney did in 2012)
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To: bramps

What do you call a moped built for suicide bombers? A martyrcycle.


14 posted on 12/01/2012 3:26:06 PM PST by Repeat Offender (What good are conservative principles if we don't stand by them?)
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To: DogByte6RER

I saw him (unknown comic)live at a little place in Vegas years ago. Gave him this joke:

Guy goes up to another guy on the Vegas strip. He says, “Can you lend me $5000.00. for an operation to save my wife?”

Other guy says, “How do I know you just won’t spend it on gambling?”

Guy says, “Oh, I have gambling money”.


15 posted on 12/01/2012 3:27:10 PM PST by bramps (Sarah Palin got more votes in 2008 than Romney did in 2012)
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To: DogByte6RER
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
16 posted on 12/01/2012 3:27:54 PM PST by MtnMan101
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To: DogByte6RER
“Take my life, please!” rdquo;
17 posted on 12/01/2012 3:29:30 PM PST by reagan_fanatic (You are not now, and will never be my President, Mr. Obama.)
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To: DogByte6RER

Why don’t they teach drivers ed in muzzie high school?

Because the camel is too worn out after the sex education classes.


18 posted on 12/01/2012 3:34:32 PM PST by left that other site (Worry is the Darkroom that Develops Negatives.)
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To: DogByte6RER

Two muslims are sitting at a bar.
One says to the other, “You see this bar? I built it, board by board, with my own two hands. But do they call me Achmaad the bar builder? NO!”

“And you see that fence? I built it, board by board, with my own two hands. But do they call me Achmaad the fence builder? NOO!

“And these chairs. I build them, board by board, with my own two hands. But do they call me Achmaad the chair builder? NOOO!

“But you f**k one goat...”


19 posted on 12/01/2012 3:39:27 PM PST by bramps (Sarah Palin got more votes in 2008 than Romney did in 2012)
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To: DogByte6RER

Little boy shows up at door of house party.

Host answers door, says, “Little boy, this is a party for adults only.”

Little boy says, “My father sent me over.”

Host says, “But he wasn’t invited either.”

Little boy says, “Yes, that’s why he strapped this bomb to me first.”

Bada-bing bada-BOOM!


20 posted on 12/01/2012 3:40:33 PM PST by Fightin Whitey
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To: DogByte6RER

The punch line that sticks with me is “Because the camels get too tired”.


21 posted on 12/01/2012 3:43:08 PM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: bramps
...best I could do on short notice.


22 posted on 12/01/2012 3:44:06 PM PST by Future Snake Eater (CrossFit.com)
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To: DogByte6RER
All joking aside...it's interesting how Islam has regressed is the last 1,000 years...in certain sub-sects

The Taliban decapitated 17 people for having a party, a few weeks ago...

They committed the sin of dancing and mixing sexes together..

In a display of the mercy of allah (Piss be upon his name) they shot some first before whacking their heads off...

23 posted on 12/01/2012 3:55:02 PM PST by Popman
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 GGG managers are SunkenCiv, StayAt HomeMother & Ernest_at_the_Beach
Thanks DogByte6RER.

Just adding to the catalog, not sending a general distribution.

To all -- please ping me to other topics which are appropriate for the GGG list.


24 posted on 12/01/2012 4:21:29 PM PST by SunkenCiv (https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/)
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To: SunkenCiv

Over to you...


25 posted on 12/01/2012 4:35:10 PM PST by Squawk 8888 (True North- Strong Leader, Strong Dollar, Strong and Free!)
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To: Squawk 8888

:’) thanks!


26 posted on 12/01/2012 5:08:42 PM PST by SunkenCiv (https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/)
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To: DogByte6RER; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...
"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"DIE INFIDEL!*BOOM*


27 posted on 12/01/2012 5:26:35 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: DogByte6RER; Revolting cat!; Slings and Arrows

How do you keep a lowly kufir from smelling?

Cut off his nose!


28 posted on 12/01/2012 5:41:50 PM PST by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
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To: DogByte6RER

Yeah, ignorant homicidal morons who have a compulsion to get in one’s face and rant about insignificant bullsh*t, or simply spring out of hiding in some dark place and kill old ladies, children, and the handicapped before cringing and running away... they’re a lotta laughs.

The ONLY thing these assh*les do really well is blow themselves up, preferably when there’s nobody around.


29 posted on 12/01/2012 6:00:49 PM PST by Jack Hammer
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To: DogByte6RER

“Slow down! You’ll kill yourself!” “If it is time to die,” Bunan replied, “I want to go well fed and well watered, not parched and hungry.”


I like the way he thinks!

While stationed in Europe, I unintentionally crashed a lot of parties. Nobody seemed to mind.


30 posted on 12/01/2012 6:03:58 PM PST by Rides_A_Red_Horse (If there is a war on women, the Kennedys are the Spec Ops troops.)
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To: DogByte6RER
A party-crasher took up with a man while traveling. One day the man said to him, "“Go and buy some meat for us." "No, by God, I don't have the means," said the party-crasher. So the man went and bought the meat. Then he said, "Get up and cook it." "I'm no good at cooking," said the party-crasher. So the man cooked the meat. Then he said, "Get up and sop the bread," and the party-crasher replied, "By God, I feel exhausted." So the man sopped the bread. Then he said, "Get up and ladle the stew." "I'm afraid I'll spill it on my robe," said the party-crasher, so the man ladled the stew. "Get up and eat," he said. "By God," said the party-crasher, "I've been feeling bad for refusing you so many times," and he came forward and ate.

Partycrasher is an Obama voter

31 posted on 12/01/2012 6:06:35 PM PST by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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