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How to properly prepare a turkey

Posted on 11/18/2012 10:07:22 AM PST by killer_rat

1. Buy a turkey 2. Have a glass of wine 3. Stuff turkey 4. Have a glass of wine 5. Put turkey in oven 6. Relax, have another few glasses of wine 7. Turk the bastey 8. Wine of glass another get 9. Ponder the meat thermometer 10. Glass yourself another pour of wine 11. Bake the wine for 4 hours 12. Take the oven out of the turkey 13. Floor the turkey up off the pick 14. Turk the carvey 15. Get yourself another wottle of bine 16. Tet the sable, and pour yourself another glass of turkey 17. Say grace, throw-up, and pass-out


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Food; Humor
KEYWORDS: cookery; thanksgiving; turkey

1 posted on 11/18/2012 10:07:24 AM PST by killer_rat
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To: killer_rat

Lol! This one is right up there with Doc Severinsen’s joke, my ex-wife is stuffing her turkey with money.


2 posted on 11/18/2012 10:13:11 AM PST by Beowulf9
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To: killer_rat

After seemingless endless appeals Turk-Kay has no more legal options to avoid execution. He has allowed last rites to be administered by a priest, a large and hearty last meal and pre-execution grief counseling.

“It’s society that’s at fault, not me” he complains “How can they claim to know right from wrong? How come they get to set those standards? Who’s to determine what a standard is? By what value?”

After a long bath in special sauces and spices Turk-Kay is set to be broiled for man hours...


3 posted on 11/18/2012 10:13:33 AM PST by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: killer_rat

No need to say grace since you really are not thankful anyway.


4 posted on 11/18/2012 10:18:36 AM PST by wizr (Keep the Faith!)
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To: GeronL
After seemingless endless appeals Turk-Kay has no more legal options to avoid execution. He has allowed last rites to be administered by a priest, a large and hearty last meal and pre-execution grief counseling.

Does no one weep for Presidential turkeys #3 and 4 who are guaranteed execution and roasting to pay for turkeys #1 and 2 pardon?

Turkey Zero pardoning turkey one.

5 posted on 11/18/2012 10:19:37 AM PST by KarlInOhio (Big Bird is a brood parasite: laid in our nest 43 years ago and we are still feeding him.)
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To: GeronL

Somebody needs to tell the Turkeys, “Man, just be yourself”

Mitch Hedberg on turkeys

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2006/10/17/mitch-hedberg-on-turkeys-166941


6 posted on 11/18/2012 10:20:27 AM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: killer_rat

I will drink no wine before its time.


7 posted on 11/18/2012 10:22:48 AM PST by Berlin_Freeper (There goes the dominoes...)
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To: KarlInOhio

Unfortunately, while officially “pardoned” turkey #2 was forced to become Bo’s love slave


8 posted on 11/18/2012 10:24:48 AM PST by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: killer_rat

1. Nominate a RINO for President...
2. The End


9 posted on 11/18/2012 10:29:41 AM PST by sourcery (If true=false, then there would be no constraints on what is possible. Hence, the world exists.)
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To: killer_rat

LOL, I pretty much had this as a real life experience.

The kid was in college, in her first off campus place. I think she had to work or something, so hubby (who is the cook in the family) and I said we’d come down and cook the dinner at her place.

Mr. Gourmet decrees we must have all fresh veggies, etc. He brines the turkey, it’s all going to be pretty fancy-schmacy.

We get down there, and the college girls have very few supplies and NO pot-holders at all.

I’m obsessed with making radish roses, which I fail at miserably.

Hubby drinks 3 bottles of wine watching the thanksgiving day parade and I end up cooking the dinner, with no pot holders, radish roses, or talent at all.

But it was all fine in the end. Except for the part where hubby couldn’t find his turkey on his plate, but we helped him and that was OK too!

Happy Thanksgiving to all here and may you have pot holders when needed!


10 posted on 11/18/2012 10:37:35 AM PST by jocon307
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To: killer_rat

Well, I’m almost 60 and I cooked a turkey once when I was 18. I have to cook one this year...bring on the wine.


11 posted on 11/18/2012 10:42:03 AM PST by tiki
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To: Berlin_Freeper

“I will drink no wine before its time.”

and it’s time was 10 min ago!


12 posted on 11/18/2012 10:46:08 AM PST by Beowulf9
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To: KarlInOhio

Geez, what a wimp. Hussein looks terrified.


13 posted on 11/18/2012 10:53:17 AM PST by bgill (We've passed the point of no return. Welcome to Al Amerika.)
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To: killer_rat

When I was growing up on a farm in Iowa, the standard rule concerning edible livestock was that any critter that has a name is safe from becoming Sunday dinner.

My sister and I had a pet turkey named “Tom” (how original...hey, we were kids) that we raised from a ‘chick’ and he was imprinted with the image of us being his mom.

He followed us around constantly like a spare shadow and always came out to meet us, getting off the school bus each afternoon. He’d come out and fan out his feathers and strut around a bit. It was his main, possibly only, talent.

In early November, word leaked out to us that he was going to be the main course for Thanksgiving dinner. The old rule had been over-ridden and Tom was about to be “axed” literally.

Come the day before Thanksgiving, we all dreaded what was about to happen and nobody would volunteer to be his executioner. Just thinking about it spread through the family to where we were all nearly in tears.

Happy ending:

We couldn’t bear to kill Tom for dinner, so we ate the dog.


14 posted on 11/18/2012 11:11:59 AM PST by null and void (America - Abducted by Aliens...)
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To: KarlInOhio

BTW, they cancelled Thanksgiving, the Wicked Wookie Witch went to DC and took the turkey with her. B-)


15 posted on 11/18/2012 11:14:47 AM PST by Nowhere Man (Obama voters have cooties.)
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To: wizr

“No need to say grace since you really are not thankful anyway.”

Actually, he did grace Say. What hesh worrn’ ‘bout ish his wife findin’ out.


16 posted on 11/18/2012 11:33:50 AM PST by GladesGuru (In a society predicated upon freedom, it is necessary to examine principles."...the public interest)
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To: killer_rat

Hic....


17 posted on 11/18/2012 12:25:28 PM PST by Drango (A liberal's compassion is limited only by the size of someone else's wallet.)
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To: killer_rat

How to prepare a turkey: sit him down and say, “I have some really bad news for you...”


18 posted on 11/18/2012 12:27:24 PM PST by NCLaw441
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To: killer_rat

Here’s a recipe for fruitcake according to Robert D. Raeford on the Johnboy and Billy Big Show. (Laugh alert)


19 posted on 11/18/2012 12:34:31 PM PST by neal1960 (D m cr ts S ck. Would you like to buy a vowel?)
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To: neal1960

Might help if I add the link... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhwryaiWH78


20 posted on 11/18/2012 12:36:16 PM PST by neal1960 (D m cr ts S ck. Would you like to buy a vowel?)
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To: killer_rat
1. Buy a turkey 2. Have a glass of wine 3. Stuff turkey..

Is that necessary? Don't some of them come with little bags of stuffing already inside?

21 posted on 11/18/2012 12:43:21 PM PST by Pearls Before Swine (/S?)
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To: killer_rat

Thaw, dammit, thaw!!!!


22 posted on 11/18/2012 12:46:07 PM PST by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Pearls Before Swine

Never cook the stuffing in the Turkey. That is one dry bird.


23 posted on 11/18/2012 12:47:57 PM PST by eyedigress ((zOld storm chaser from the west)/?)
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To: eyedigress

I was joking about the giblets.


24 posted on 11/18/2012 12:53:23 PM PST by Pearls Before Swine (/S?)
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To: KarlInOhio

someone needs to photoshop Susan Rice’s head onto that turkey


25 posted on 11/18/2012 1:46:04 PM PST by silverleaf (Age Takes a Toll: Please Have Exact Change)
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To: NCLaw441

Would you like to have some wine with your turkey?

Nope, I dont want to socialize with him, I just want to eat him.


26 posted on 11/18/2012 1:54:47 PM PST by silverleaf (Age Takes a Toll: Please Have Exact Change)
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To: windcliff

ping


27 posted on 11/18/2012 3:24:18 PM PST by stylecouncilor (Bazinga!)
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