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NOAA: “Mermaids Don’t Exist”, CDC: “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse” – What’s Next?
Daily Disruption ^ | 7/4/12 | Daily Disruption News Desk

Posted on 07/06/2012 8:52:49 AM PDT by Clint N. Suhks

The United States government has assured its citizens that, much like zombies, mermaids probably do not exist, saying in an official post: “No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”

“Mermaids — those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea — are legendary sea creatures,” read the online statement from the National Ocean Service (NOS).

The agency, charged with responding to natural hazards, received letters inquiring about the existence of the sea maidens after the Discovery Channel’s Animal Planet network broadcast “Mermaids: The Body Found” in May.

The show “paints a wildly convincing picture of the existence of mermaids, what they may look like, and why they’ve stayed hidden… until now,” a Discovery Channel press release says.

Conversely, the US government declaration offered no conclusive proof to deny the existence of mermaids.

The statement comes after another government agency, this time the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), declared there was no conclusive evidence for the existence of zombies.

The CDC had published instructional materials on how to survive a “zombie apocalypse,” in what the agency now calls “a tongue in cheek campaign to engage new audiences with messages of preparedness messages.”

The campaign was followed by a series of cannibalistic attacks in North America.

In one such attack on May 26, a 31-year-old Miami man stripped naked and chewed off most of a homeless man’s face.

The Twittersphere was suddenly alive with people talking about the real and present danger of a zombie apocalypse.

The CDC was quick to respond to allegations of corpses rising from the dead to eat the living.

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead,” a government spokesperson wrote in an email to The Huffington Post.

While zombies would be a big problem, popular folklore holds that mermaids are relatively benign creatures.

But the NOS statement associated the finned friends with more threatening mythological beasts.

“Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology — in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs, wild satyrs, and frightful minotaurs, to name but a few,” it said.


TOPICS: UFO's; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: cryptobiology; flightoftheconchords; godsgravesglyphs; mermaid; mermaids
Your tax dollars hard at work.
1 posted on 07/06/2012 8:52:53 AM PDT by Clint N. Suhks
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To: Clint N. Suhks

Obama awarded second Nobel Peace Prize.


2 posted on 07/06/2012 8:58:03 AM PDT by ILS21R (Et tu, Roberts?)
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To: Clint N. Suhks

In the interests of intellectual honesty, the CDC published a stated tongue in cheek surviving the zombie apocalypse a couple years before the mephedrone (bath salts) attacks as a way of capitalizing on the growing popularity of fantasy zombies (walking dead anyone?) to point out the ease in preparation for natural disasters using humor.

PLEASE get your facts right before griping, even if its at the Imperial Federal Government of the USSA.


3 posted on 07/06/2012 8:58:03 AM PDT by Crazieman (Are you naive enough to think VOTING will fix this entrenched system?)
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To: Clint N. Suhks
Yep, hard at work.
4 posted on 07/06/2012 9:10:50 AM PDT by OneWingedShark (Q: Why am I here? A: To do Justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God.)
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To: Clint N. Suhks

I’ve heard that the National Archives still receives FOIA requests for the “classified autopsys” of the space aliens and the tests conducted on their “space ship.”


5 posted on 07/06/2012 9:31:21 AM PDT by GreyFriar (Spearhead - 3rd Armored Division 75-78 & 83-87)
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To: StayAt HomeMother; Ernest_at_the_Beach; decimon; 1010RD; 21twelve; 24Karet; 2ndDivisionVet; ...

 GGG managers are SunkenCiv, StayAt HomeMother & Ernest_at_the_Beach
Note: this topic is dated 7/06/2012.

Thanks Clint N. Suhks.

To all -- please ping me to other topics which are appropriate for the GGG list.


6 posted on 05/27/2013 12:01:48 PM PDT by SunkenCiv (Romney would have been worse, if you're a dumb ass.)
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To: SunkenCiv

Well, it’s obvious, aint it?

The government is trying to prepare us for the day when the Mermaids exact their revenge upon humanity by unleashing the uber deadly zombie virus.

And people still think drift netting was all about feeding the Japanese crave for sushi.


7 posted on 05/27/2013 2:08:24 PM PDT by Grimmy (equivocation is but the first step along the road to capitulation)
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To: Clint N. Suhks

What’s next: Smaug warnings (aka the Surgeon General warns us that smoking dragons are bad for our health)


8 posted on 05/28/2013 7:57:04 AM PDT by Buggman (returnofbenjamin.wordpress.com - Baruch haBa b'Shem ADONAI!)
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To: Grimmy

Actually, the “zombie” meme has value.

People need to prepare for the time when there are walking hordes of mindless human-shaped, malevolent beings whose EBT cards no longer work.


9 posted on 05/28/2013 7:58:50 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Buggman

So that’s what people do when they quit smoking cold turkey.


10 posted on 05/28/2013 7:59:33 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: SunkenCiv

Now, if only they could only assure us James Hanson never existed . . .


11 posted on 05/30/2013 12:21:11 PM PDT by colorado tanker
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