Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

To: Rides_A_Red_Horse; All
Zombie notes:


Zombies come in various size groups, with different characteristics:

A zombie wolf: A lone wolf, single zombie. This zombie is easily defeated, as single zombies are usually very timid and frightened by almost anything. Reports came in of a four year old child in Cincinnati beheading a zombie wolf with one swing of a wiffle ball bat.

A zombie trickle: 2-4 zombies. Also defeatible, especially if you have your BRAINZ! Pack by djf. Simply toss about a cup of Brainz! (TM) into a large, open area, turn down the lights, and watch them suckers slither in! Slaughter at will! Of course it makes no sense to put the Brainz! (TM) where the first zombie will find and eat it, so be creative. Toss it on a roof and they will group at the bottom. Lock it in a car trunk and they will all soon be smashing and tearing at the car. Use your imagination!

A wad of zombies: 5-10 zombies. Very dangerous. A small enough group, they usually have a leader. It is to your advantage that zombies are clumsy, so a wad of zombies will rarely sneak up on you. A single person (like me!) usually doesn't have much chance against a wad of zombies unless you can keep them in full frontal-assault mode, in which case you just pick them off at your leisure.
A zombie in front of you is bad news!
A zombie BEHIND you is even worse!

A bank of zombies: 11 or more zombies. This is when things start to get interesting. Once again, sounds may be key, as you could hear them coming from a quarter mile away. It's always possible, of course, that they will be down by 50% by the time they get to you, as the frequent zombie scratching and biting and pulling of anything that moves and they dismember themselves. But DON'T COUNT ON IT!!.
For times like this, it is best to have at least a case of Brainz! (TM) by djf around. But you need to get yourself into a place where you can toss some to them and they destroy each other in the turmoil. A second story window can work, but you need to have backup to make sure none sneak in from behind. Don't be tempted to send in your favorite dog, as a bank of zombies will have no problem, unless it's a very large breed (over 125 lbs or so).

A few more notes:
The nest defense is well known. Zombies HATE FIRE. Of course fire has the problem of making light, so it attracts them, but a dancing flame of any kind will send them off in a delirious rage.
Zombies are dead. They stink. Sometimes you will smell them before you see or hear them.
Zombies, by nature solitary creatures, are attracted by the smell of cooking (especially meats), perfumes, most things that attract people. So no more fou-fou for the ladies. No more showers. The worse you smell, the more you will repel any zombie wolfs around.
Forget about the garlic. Zombies sense of taste/smell is so degraded, garlic has little effect. But their disdain for the smell of Nutmeg has been widely publicized. We have developed our latest product Nutmax! (TM) as a highly enhanced, scientifically proven zombie repellent.
Finally, we all like to relax a little bit, maybe listen to a few tunes. Remember, zombies are extraordinarily fascinated by music, especially rap and hip-hop. It is thought that the low rhythmic beats sound like live human hearts and draw them in from all directions. Tests have shown that listening to Nelly Furtados Promiscuous Girl, even at low volumes, can bring zombies from 3/4 mile away! So listen to music if you like, but stick to Bach!
47 posted on 04/16/2012 3:51:58 AM PDT by djf (If you are depressed all the time, at least you are never disappointed!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies ]


To: djf

Hmmm, sounds like a perfect description of an Obama Rally, er, I mean Occupy Rally/Camp.


48 posted on 04/16/2012 8:04:33 AM PDT by Nowhere Man (General James Mattoon Scott, where are you when we need you? We need a regime change.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 47 | View Replies ]

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article


FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson