Please Donate Toward The Purchase And Keep FR Up And Running!
Posted on 02/20/2012 11:38:28 AM PST by Altariel
Dear Dave,
My boyfriend has a lot of debt. The other day a creditor called, and he wouldn’t answer the phone. Then, he told me it would be easier for him to pay off his debts if we were married because I could act as his accountability partner. I don’t want to be the money cop, and I wonder if he would truly be more motivated. What do you think?
Janine
Dear Janine,
Someone who isn’t making any headway in getting out of debt while they’re single probably isn’t going to do a complete turnaround just because they get married. You can act as his accountability partner if you want, but you don’t have to get married to help him. In fact, dating is probably a better way to do this, because you can determine whether he’s really changing, or if he’s just trying to get you on board to help pay the bills!
Don’t misunderstand, Janine. Debt, in itself, doesn’t keep someone from being marriage material. But you’re definitely not marriage material if you don’t work, you’re irresponsible, you haven’t taken control of your life, have no character or can’t manage your own behaviors. These kinds of people are going to stay in debt and not be able to pay their bills for the rest of their lives.
I’d say date this guy a little longer, just to see if he’s serious about changing. But don’t get engaged yet, and don’t pay one penny of his bills for him!
—Dave
Dear Dave,
My son is a sophomore at a local college, and he wants to transfer to a very prestigious university. If he did this he would incur more than $100,000 in student loan debt, and that’s with us picking up half of the cost. What do you think I should tell him?
Will
Dear Will,
I’d have a hard time telling anybody that one school is $100,000 more valuable than another one. The fact is unless he has $100,000 lying around somewhere, he shouldn’t go to that other school for one very simple reason – he can’t afford it!
We hire people every week at my company, and where they attended college is a very minor deal. There will always be a few corporate types out there who play games and try to turn the office into some kind of snooty country club, but the fact is most employers don’t care where you went to college.
It’s what you learn and being able to use that knowledge in the marketplace that’s really valuable, Will. Knowledge is king, and we live in a knowledge-based economy. If you can’t retain and apply what they’re teaching, then the only thing more worthless than a college degree is a college pedigree!
—Dave
* For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.
No Brainer--only a snapshot of what is sure to follow. Find another BF!
Ahh, but if the shoe is on the other foot?
Having debt is not an automatic red flag in and of itself. It’s failing to deal with that debt (or failing to be in the process of paying down that debt) that is a problem.
It’s a good thing to keep an eye on, but the response to the debt is more telling.
If paying off his debt is the only reason for this man’s so called “proposal of marriage”... I would say RUN away. (I would say the same thing if the woman had debt and wanted to get married to eliminate it as well).
“If paying off his debt is the only reason for this man’s so called “proposal of marriage”... I would say RUN away. (I would say the same thing if the woman had debt and wanted to get married to eliminate it as well).”
Agreed. :-)
I'd rather choose an imperfect partner that has the courage to take personal responsibility and work visibly on making changes for the positive than some person that has a near perfect behavior but can't see at all nor takes responsibility for the ones' he or she does have. Usually people like that are judgmental, blaming, hypocrits and difficult to truly grow together with over a lifetime. We all have different preferences though.
He should file bankruptcy FIRST, eliminate the debt and then proceed to marry.
I would be more concened about the acounability partner BS rather than the action debt.
I can’t believe any of this is really about the money, she has already decided he is not reliable and is just looking for justification to call it off.
No diff, just in this case was a female questioning the habits of her BF.
However if a woman had debt and she met a billionaire, multi-millionaire; then the guy probably would not care, especially if she was much younger and arm candy. He gets what he wants, vice versa..
Why does John Kerry come to mind, he liked rich women.
Just because u declare bankruptcy does not get you out of debt owed, any credit needed after the marriage will come to rest on her shoulders, as he filed BKRTCY, history erased another red flag..plus we get stuck with the bills other people walk away from. That home in the suburbs may not come about for many years to come, buying a car--she had better have deep pockets or a great job and a pre-nup.
If a good income following a "useful" education; then student loans can be paid off--irresponsible purchases of wants over needs, late payments, collectors; then an issue..
The red flag for me is his statement that he wants her to basically hold him accountable, be his ‘accountability partner.’ Why can’t a man hold himself accountable? Sounds needy and weird to me.
not correct.
If he is filing a chapter 7, and he should not if he has less than 10,000 in debt, then he will be done in six months and have only nondischargable debt like student loans. (he does not sould like the student type)a
Within 10-18 months, if he is responsible, his credit will jump up be at least 100 points to be over or darn near 600. Of course it could even be better. He will get legit credit card offers because he will not be able to file again for ch 7 for eight years. (four for a 13)
Filing before the marriage is to keep the means test below the threshold amount to force a ch 13. BTW the entire 2005 reform continues to be a joke.
I would advise her, unless children with him are involved, to move on.
He sounds oprahfied.
she should find a man.
Sounds more like a relationship that's bound to end in charges of aggravated assault to me.
Who’s going to pay for this wedding? :>)
Are you suggesting that is not Mommy and Daddy’s job?
:-)
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