Posted on 02/10/2011 12:33:27 PM PST by CSM
Girlfriend's money problems
Dear Dave,
I’m fairly responsible with finances, but my girlfriend is in a terrible financial situation with a lot of credit card debt, an expensive car payment, and a big, fancy apartment. Plus, she just quit her job because she didn’t like it anymore. Now, she’s thinking about filing bankruptcy and thinks us moving in together will help solve her problems. If she can’t handle her finances on her own, what’s going to happen if we get together? Can you help?
Dino
Dear Dino,
This is someone to keep dating, not marry right now or move in with, and see if she changes her spending habits. You’d have a very tough life being married to this woman, unless she makes some real attitude adjustments where her money is concerned.
I can’t say if she’s technically bankrupt, but she definitely needs to move into a cheaper apartment and sell the car for starters. Still, bankruptcy’s not going to solve anything if she’s got a heart problem. By this, I mean if she buys stuff to try and make her happy and lives beyond her means in the process.
Lots of people have the idea that they are what they drive, or they are where they live. Those are heart problems, and that’s the way I was many years ago until I had some sense knocked into me by going broke. Then, I realized I had to stop and make some changes.
This doesn’t mean that she isn’t worthy of your love or she’s a terrible person, but it does mean that the girl has got some growing up to do. Money matters aside, you don’t quit your job without a plan unless you’re being sexually harassed or abused, or there’s some matter of principle at stake. Leaving one job for another is okay. But the idea of deciding you just don’t like something, and walking away from it when you’ve got a bunch of bills, is just plain irresponsible.
She’s probably not bankrupt, but there are some definite character issues that need to be addressed. Hopefully, you two can work through this together.
—Dave
So, he knows how to manage money?
Dear Dave,
My husband likes to borrow money on fix-up projects around the house. He says he knows how to manage money, and will pay the loans back quickly. The other day, he came to me for money to make the payment on the latest loan he took out. Then, he started fussing at me when I didn’t have the money to make the payment. It’s not the first time this sort of thing has happened. How can I make it stop?
Crystal
Dear Crystal,
This guy needs a swift kick in his rear end! He says he knows how to manage money, but he doesn’t know how to save up to re-wire the garage?
It sounds to me like you’ve got am overgrown teenager on your hands instead of a husband. It’s bad enough that he can’t take care of his own responsibilities, but then he turns around and fusses when you won’t do it for him. That’s ridiculous!
Marriage is all about unity. Once the rings go on those fingers it’s a we thing, not a me thing. Husbands and wives should work together to form a game plan that will help them win in life, and that includes finances.
I think you should take the money he’s asking for and use it to see a good marriage counselor. There are some real issues here that need attention. You guys need to deal with them, and create a real marriage, before this situation gets any worse!
—Dave
Money and relationsips......adults should act like adults.
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Dear Dino,
Find another girl friend.
This one’s a loser.
Dear Crystal,
Grab his ‘nads and squeeze hard...really hard.
It’s a much better attention getter than a kick in the butt.
Where do you borrow money for house fix up projects? Its usually a HELOC anything else is a SHYLOCK...might explain his sweating the cash for the payments...that vig accelerates fast and Guido wants to get paid....
Why is there a voice in my head screaming, “RUN!” to these people? LOL!
I’ve learned this lesson the HARD way. I’m digging out from under right now and re-financing my farm to do so and buy out my ex. Luckily, I had an EXCELLENT attorney and she has protected me from his $30K in CC debt and any business schenanigans he’s been involved in over the past few years. God Bless Her!
My NEXT husband will have the personality of Scrooge McDuck, LOL!
ROFLMSS!!!!!
Because he DOES know how to save up for that kind of stuff, my husband has still NOT installed my dishwasher......LOL! It doesn't do me a bloody bit of good sitting out in the barn :(
Bump to my sad tale at Post #7. :)
No, NO, NO... dear. You don't want a NEXT....do you? Boytoys would be so much more fun :^)
Our church was offering Financial Peace University. Hubby and I went to the "pre-training" session to find out how much it costs, etc. The cost was $99.95 per couple. This was in addition to the money they charge the church to present the program.
Now don't get me wrong. Dave can certainly do that if he wants. But if FPU was created to reach out to people who are struggling financially, then how does charging them $100 to attend help them? I understand the need to charge them something, but that seems excessive.
I've also noticed Dave hawking a lot of products on the radio. If the point of your business or ministry or whatever you want to call it is to help those who are struggling financially, why give the impression that you are selling stuff?
Hubby and I decided not to take the class. I'd rather give the $100 to charity.
Yeah. Run. Run like all the hordes of Hell itself are nipping at your heels. Because they are.
Hey, long time no see. Now git in the kitchen and do the dishes, but stay away from those attack sewing machines!
;-)
Hope all is well.
No, NO, NO... dear. You don't want a NEXT....do you? Boytoys would be so much more fun :^)
Yeah really. That's MY plan!
I’ve thought about that a lot actually and have come to the conclusion that it is more of a fee to ensure that the people that need it take it seriously. It is a bit of accountability, if you will. In the long run, it is a phenomonal value.....
Hey stranger! How are you?
Dino - run like your hair is on fire!
Hello, let me introduce myself. I am CSM, but my friends call me toy!
;-)
That will be the best $100 they ever spent.
ROFL!!!!!!!
The fact he does the dishes is the only thing that keeps me from going off about the dishwasher!!! LOL
Because you’ll value something you have to pay for, and because a workman is worthy of his hire. You’ll save many times $100 if you take the course, what’s the big beef about $100?
You forgot to introduce yourself to another friend :)
Hi all! I only discovered today that I can you my daughter's kindle to play on line.....it's a pain in the patoot, but at least I know I can show up a little more often. Which is a good thing (at least for me anyway) It really is a pain typing sideways.....LOL!!!!
I've got to run, but will try to pop in a bit more often -- like maybe tomorrow when she's in school (it was cancelled today bewcause of the weather)
My next husband will BE my boytoy!
If I were you I would start installing the dishwasher myself. One of two things will likely happen: 1) You’ll finsh it and learn a skill, or 2) Hubby will finish the job, finally. With my DH, it’s usually #2. He has seen my work, and we both know that his skills and knowledge are far superior to mine. (I have installed a dishwasher— and a lot of other stuff — in my time, but that was before I was married to this fine man.)
Sorry iceskater. When I went in to post mode I couldn’t remember your moniker......I humbly offer my apologies.
“Dino - run like your hair is on fire!”
Don’t you mean “run like a gazelle trying to get away from a cheetah?”
GAAAAABBBZZZ!
I miss you, Girl! I know I’ve been a terrible friend off-line; no more excuses for that!
But it’s so WONDERFUL to see you surface here from time to time. Make it a habit! :)
My love to Kidlet & Hub. :)
As always, you’re correct! :)
I’ve been informed that the ‘next guy’ has to pass the ‘sniff test’ of at least a dozen friends and family to even DATE me!
So, as no one can resist a coconut-scented Cabana Boy... I’ll be set for life, LOL!
I love Dave, but it’s a BUSINESS. And he has bills to pay to spread the word.
If you don’t want to take the class, check out his books from the library. Start with the basic ‘Financial Peace’ but get the newest edition they have. Heck, your Tax dollars are pyaing for your library, anyway. (One of the FEW places I don’t mind spending tax dollars...)
That’s where I started and it has paid off handsomely. :)
You go, Girl! I’m right behind you! :)
Pass the coconut oil! :)
Sorry we ‘Dirty Old Ladies’ kind of hi-jacked your thread, LOL!
Apology accepted but I don’t think you’re going to get the boytoy job now..... ;)
My qualifying tests are answers to the following questions.
“What is your opinion on 2nd amendment?”
“What is your opinion of the Tea Party.”
Those two pretty much cull the herd.
Brilliant!
As I’ve heard said around here a time or two...”I didn’t KNOW s/he was a Liberal when I married him/her!”
Never again. I mean it! I will NOT dilute the Gene Pool any further. I promise, LOL!
“My NEXT husband will have the personality of Scrooge McDuck.”
Funny you should mention him. He and Wonder Woman were my role models growing up.
My life is too short to waste any more time with people who don’t see things the way I do. If they don’t understand the purpose of the 2nd amendment and if they think the Tea Party is a bunch of racist crazy people, then I got no time for them.
I’d rather be alone than wish I were. Been there, done that. Never again.
Yeah Girl- it is February.
Hubby and I have read his book and are doing pretty well implementing his plan. It just irked me that he was charging $100 per couple PLUS charging the church when (I thought) the point of FPU was to reach out to those who are financially hurting. Seems like Dave has almost become a "rock star" and has lost his way a little bit.
But of course, that's just my opinion.
$100 buys a lot of rice and beans and could keep the electricity on for another month for someone who is financially hurting. And after all, I thought that was the people Dave primarily wanted to reach.
I know what $100 does and I also know that anyone with internet can afford it IF THEY WANT TO.
I can afford it, but I'm not paying it. There are those who could be helped by Dave's teachings, but they have to NOT pay the electric bill or something equally important in order to afford the $100.
Nah, Dave's got enough money. I'll give my $100 to charity.
No problem, it was an enjoyable hijacking.
Personally I have not taken FPU either and I would consider myself to be pretty much a Dave Ramsey expert. I would love to get the DVD’s, but I don’t think I would learn much from taking the class. In the interest of full disclosure, I have been accepted for his counselor training and will be attending that next month. So, admittedly, I am very skewed toward being on Dave’s side in this discussion.
Look at it this way, the individuals/families, that take the class need to have some skin in the game and the amount of $100 hurts just enough to ensure that they take it very seriously. In the cases of those that it is so tight that they can not afford to take the class, what I would offer to them is that if they read TTMO, then I would fund their FPU class. However, they must read the book first and they must attend all 13 classes to get that re-imbursement from me.
I wasn’t aware of the churches being charged for it, but now that I think about it that makes sense too. My bet is that the level of tithing increases exponentially as more people from the church and community take the class. What was the amount that you heard the church paid?
“Nah, Dave’s got enough money.”
OK, since we are arguing, I’ll attack you in the obligatory FR/DU method. ;-) How very liberal of you to chose when others have earned enough money! ;-)
Seriously, I agree that Dave’s wealth is tremondous, however I think he earns every penny that he makes on sales of books and classes, etc. The value his lessons bring to individuals is well above what they are spending on Dave’s products. In addition, those teachings spread into the community almost as if it is a virus. In the long run, the benefits realized (value) by so many with his teachings is astronomical. His wealth is but a fraction of the value he brings to society. I much prefer that he be rewarded in our capitalist society than many other folks......
That's what the facilitator at our church said. I said, "well, if someone was financially hurting, $25 or $50 would be a lot of skin."
What was the amount that you heard the church paid?
They did not share that, and I did not ask. I was too focused on how much beans and rice $100 could buy.
How very liberal of you to chose when others have earned enough money!
LOL Well, he can make all the market will bear. He just won't be getting my $100.
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