Posted on 10/12/2009 2:25:16 PM PDT by JoeProBono
‘DOGS CAUSE divorce,’’ said my friend Eddie, bitterly. He had given in to his daughter and wife’s yearning for a dog - two dogs actually. The wife insisted the dogs sleep in the conjugal bed. When the daughter left for college, the dogs turned on Eddie, sending him to the couch, and out the door.For decades I had lived with my wife’s cats, each departing this world with care on a par with the finest hospice. Our daughter wanted a pet. After the ritual goldfish, we moved up the food chain to a lovebird. I resisted a dog. One afternoon as I was sleeping off jetlag from China, I was hustled to the pet store to see a “cockerpoo,’’ a fluff ball in white with dark eyes looking up at me. He flipped onto his back, put his legs in the air, wagged his tail. I scratched his tummy. He licked my hand. I asked: “Do you take VISA?’’
“It’s your dog,’’ I said to them, “you take care of him.’’ But the first weekend everybody disappeared. I was left alone with the dog, the geriatric cat, and the lovebird. How could so much poop come out of so small an animal? That night I heard a loud crash and rushed into the kitchen. The bird’s cage was on the floor, droppings scattered, the puppy was worrying the cage blanket, and the cat was clawing feebly at the bird cocking his head at me as if to say: “What kind of bozo are you?’’ A call to my wife did not help. Maybe Eddie was right.....
(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...
Shouldn’t marry a dog in the first place.
I’m laughing at this guy! LOL!
I have steps for my dog.
Sounds like a Beta-male. Animals can sense that and will respond in an appropriate manner. My two dogs and cats all know that they don’t sleep on the bed. My wife allows them and they know they can get away with it when I’m not home. But let me set one foot into the room and the dogs jump off the bed.
Our Sturgis mini dachshund sneaks off to various other parts of the house to avoid sleeping in the kitchen. He has three beds to sleep on and a sleeping bag and a blanket but he wants to sleep on the floor next to our bed where he tries to hide under the edge of the blanket (ok, under the blanket that’s been there for weeks) and last night he was downstairs on a sofa wrapped up in the sleeping bag we keep there is one of us is snoring.
Finally got my lab trained to the point that if both Mom and Dad are in the bed, dog sleeps on the floor. If Dad is on the couch, dog sleeps on the bed with Mom. If Mom is on the couch dog sleeps on the floor next to Mom.
Traitor dog even hunts in front of my Dad instead of with me.
Only thing I’m good for is throwing tennis balls apparently.
To be fair, my wife would divorce me even if I bedded a good looking honey...
Metrosexual, urban pansy?
Lying, cheating dogs do!
My dogs are wildly happy to see me when I come home in the evening. They look at me with love in their eyes every morning. They seldom complain, they make me laugh and never insult me. I might consider leaving my wife but never the dogs, so since they keep me happy with my life, they prevent divorce.
A topic close to my heart.
Dogs, not divorce. ;-)
we now have 2 poodles, and a cat that occasionally piles on the bed at night.
we used to be a feline household for years but we’re down to one and wifey wanted a doggy.. so .. I was able to convince her we did not want to have any puppy litters as our record of getting rid of versus keeping cats out of litters wasn’t very good.
our number 2 is a 4 month old , he is the boss.
I like that little bed by the bed,, hmmmm.
I guess if I rolled up in a fetal position, I’d fit.
I have ways of dealing with old dogs, cats...
They know that I won’t eat them like old chickens....mmm...
I raise my voice and the place is empty..... I will shoot them ( with rubber bands and waterguns ) but a dreadful tone works best...
My wife and I, when we got married about 12 years ago, agreed the lat thing we wanted was a dog. There are plenty of reasons, not least of which is that we are an airline family and AND are empty nesters. We can take off on a day trip at the drop of a hat - and have.
So, about two years ago the ol’ maternal instinct kicks in and she starts visiting “puppy” stores. Short story is she gets me to say ok, but I make it clear that the only money we spend on it is for dog food. If it gets sick, I use an SKS bullet on it. She gets a maltipoo and thinks it will be a great “purse” dog. Except it is about 12 lbs now.
Oh, and we rented a home and recently decided to rent an apartment - ‘cept not all of them take dogs.
And we used to just leave the back door open and it had the run of the yard. Now we have to “take it for walks”.
And now we have to plan ahead for trips.
I could go on and on. I think it is very cute, It really likes me and I am definitely his playmate.
She buys monthly “pills” to make sure the area around his eyes stay white.
And if my wife died tomorrow, the dog would be gone the next day. It is not human and I can no more get attached to it than I can a nice motorcycle. It is NOT worth the money or time it takes for maintenance. The loss of freedom one is willing to accept so they can have a dog is not acceptable.
When I go to chicago I NEVER get used to the tolls. EVERY single time I pull up to one I feel like the corrupt machine’s bagman is there looking for his cut. With this dog, all I see is a posession that is NOT worth what it is costing me in time and money and, more importantly, freedom.
It would be hard for a day or two afterwards, but I would seriously LOVE IT if the dog disapeared one day while my wife was out of town, which she is right now. But I could not do it on purpose. It would have to be an honest accident.
I am dead serious.
“Dogs don’t cause divorce. Dogs cause cosmic love.”
LOL. We know the feeling.
I feel terribly sorry for you.
Or I should say for the dog that has the misfortune of being under your “care”.
You should read Marley and Me! Also HBO now is showing the movie based on the book.
“Or I should say for the dog that has the misfortune of being under your “care”.”
Same here. Geesh. How can you not like dogs?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Only dogs, if they weigh under 25lbs apiece. All the others prove it’s the cat’s fault.
>>Or I should say for the dog that has the misfortune of being under your “care”.<<
It is one of the happiest and well cared for dog you will ever meet. And if I had my way, it would feel that way right up to the point that it was lights out.
There is no reason to feel sorry for this dog. But it is not human, nor should its happiness be interpreted by human standards. As I type this, the soft little white furball is chewing on one of his many toys. The only thing he enjoys more than playing with them by himself is playing tug-of-war with me while we both growl fiercely at each other.
He has been trained that if I leave a piece of food sticking out of my mouth, it means it is for him.
I really enjoy this dog immensely when I choose to. And he is always happily waiting for any opportunity. It is one reason I would even THINK of allowing a dog in the house. The only things cats are good for involve various sauces.
All that said, I WILL shed a tear when it is necessary to put him down, but in the way I shed tears in chick flicks. I can suspend disbelief for a moment as I imagine he has the same feelings and sensibilities of a human. But my intellect tells me otherwise, just as my intellect tells me the characters in a chick flick are really just actors repeating lines.
Make the whole dog white and that is EXACTLY what my dog looks like.
>>How can you not like dogs?<<
I really like dogs, and dogs really like me! Owning one is just not worth the bother, time inconvenience or money. When I make a T-Chart of reasons to have a dog and reasons to not have one, the reasons to NOT have one FAR outnumber the reasons to have one. Problem is, if one of the reasons to have one is that my wife, who I love very much, DOES want one, it vetoes almost all entries on the other side of the chart.
Almost.
People like you should never be allowed near any animal. And I am serious.
“I have steps for my dog.”
I have had to make steps for my car and truck, just for the dogs.
That is so cute...Really real.
I had one that was elderly and couldn’t jump up on the bed or the couch anymore. The other one is just plain fat.
Good for you, for being a loving husband and indulging your wife, and caring for the dog. You are absolutely correct about the amount of care and commitment involved in responsible ownership; I commend you on all counts.
>>People like you should never be allowed near any animal. And I am serious.<<
I’m sure you are. But fortunately, in a free country, I don’t need to take you seriously. Just because I draw a line between dogs and humans, while others don’t, it does not make me wrong. I think you and I have a different view of why God gave us animals. They can make nice companions, much as a teddy bear can for a child. But like a teddy bear, they are NOT human.
I know a young man who is one of the most loving husbands and fathers (has a one year old) and responsible people you would every meet. He has two dogs who’s main function in life is to let him know when someone is driving up to their farm. One day, a few weeks after his baby was born, one of the dogs snapped at him. He immediately took the dog out to the woods, put a bullet in its head, and threw it into the holler where the turkey buzzards could enjoy it.
Like me, he knows the difference between animals and humans.
Pets are great, but they aren’t people. They are natural resources to be exploited as such. Sometimes that exploitation is in the form of using them as an “adults” teddy bear.
Thank you! You seem to really have grasped the situation as not only I am trying to explain it, but how my wife sees it as well.
I’m typing this with my wife’s dog on my lap (since my wife is still out of town).
Now that's just silly. There is a personality type aside from luuuuuvs dogs and wants to wantonly kill dogs.
I don't like dogs. I never want to own another dog. EVER. I don't particularly like the cat I have. But I'm nice to it. It gets fed and watered, played with and cuddled.
If a stray or lost dog is wandering around my home, I offer it water and try to find it's owner. If a friend has a dog, I will scratch it on the head and call it nice doggy and throw it's ball a few times. I'm never intentionally mean to any domesticated animal.
But I wouldn't shed a single tear if all dogs and cats disappeared tomorrow. Well, maybe I'd feel sad for the rest of you...
awwww
If any animal on our little farm ever showed hostility to any human or other farm animal, it was put down immediately.
We picked up a dropped-off stray one time that took after our chickens and he suffered that fate. If my mastiff or minpin ever showed any teeth to any member of my family, it would be a sad, immediate good-bye.
Love that photo. :)
My bebbeh chihuahua, Fidel, sleeps in bed with me. But he did have stairs to his bed. He has a mind of his own.
no, cats do.
Thank you, Captain Obvious. And of course you don't "need" to take me seriously, any more than I'm obliged to think you are sane.
Most serial killers began as children torturing and killing animals. You speak so casually about putting bullets in their heads yet you claim they are wonderful. You are so full of it.
I truly feel sorry for people who feel that way. You're missing a world of joy.
I don’t size people up by what they say on the internet. Especially on one subject. I’ve met too many of them in real life and had more “holistic” discussions with them.
I’ve found that NONE of us are what people perceive us to be here, unless that perception is based on what is said on many threads on many diverse subjects. And then it is only marginally better.
Well whoop-dee-doo for you.
“I bought a dog to try to pick up women, when I took him for a walk. Turned out the dog was using me to pick up other dogs.” - Rodney Dangerfield
>>Well whoop-dee-doo for you.<<
That’s the spirit! :)
You’re a female, aren’t you?
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