Posted on 10/02/2009 8:30:41 PM PDT by se_ohio_young_conservative
First off. Our marriage is great. We love eachother so very much. My wife gave birth to twins in December 08. Obviously we stay very busy and most of our focus is on the girls.
We were both raised in a christian home. We were both christians when we met. Our faith was something that we had in common from the start and it was very important to the development of our relationship. I never had any doubt she truly believed even though she was more intellectual in her thinking.
Over time she has seemed more secular in her thinking and less intrested in going to church. She started having doubts and of course I told her there is a God and I prayed with her and encouraged her to look at scripture. She never pushed me away. But it seemed more and more like she was losing intrest in religion.
Even with all of that, I was shocked when she brought the subject up the other day. She told me that she has been afraid to tell me that she no longer believes in a God. she didn't want me to get upset with her. She told me that it is not a matter of not wanting to believe. She just could no longer believe. She went on to say there is no way the earth is 6000 years old. I did not get upset with her. I told her I still loved her. But I admit that it was very upsetting hearing my wife whom grew up in a church and has prayed with me so many times. it was upsetting to hear her make all of these typical atheist arguments against what she once believed. We had a very long conversation.
It has me upset. But I refuse let this ruin our marriage. A couple of days went by and she is still the same woman and I still love her just as much. I am just confused by all of this. and I am afraid it could hurt our marriage somehow. I don't want it too. I am afraid because I want her to go to heaven. I believe these are the end times. I don't want her left behind.
Is there anyone else out there who is in a marriage where one believes and the other does not ?
Obviously I am going to pray for her. But I don't think I can really preach or talk her back. I don't think it would work and I don't want to be a pain to her.
I just don't know exactly how to handle this. But I know that she still has a good heart. she is a wonderful and loving person. and she has good morals and values. I know that. and I know she is and will always be a great mother to our girls.
I don't want to let it hurt our marriage. How should I handle this ? i do have a lot of fear
Sounds like she is trying to push your buttons. I would just consider it a phase and hang tough.
PRAY.
PRAY HARD.
And she’s right... there is no way the earth is 6000 years old, but what that has to do with God is beyond me.
“I believe these are the end times. I don’t want her left behind.”
Start by getting a new eschatology... it will not happen like anything in the left behind novels or the late great planet earth...
She right.
Best wishes to you both.
She isn’t suffering from depression at all is she, following childbirth? Sometimes that causes one to lose interest in things they once were interested in.
The earth is older than 6,000 years....
Dinosaurs did roam the earth at one time....
Faith is an evolving thing and can not be limited to ideas that are so easily debunked.
Try this book:
“The Case for Christ” by Lee Strobel.
Lays it out very well.
The author decided to investigate after his wife became a Christian.
He was not a believer when he started out.
Best wishes.
That’s your opinion - which has no place in this particular conversation. Take it to a CREVO debate thread.
Continue to love her, and pray for her. Eventually, she will let the Lord back in her heart. All she needs to do is to look at your children to realize the miracle of life and the hand of God behind it. But keep loving her and praying for her. By your actions and faith, she will return to the Lord.
I am a practicing Catholic. My husband is not Catholic and while there are problems in the sense that we cannot share the faith together, I am constantly praying for his conversion. I figure that by example I can show my husband the fruits of faith. You can do the same.
Also, have you thought of trying a different Christian Church, or faith community that your wife might feel more comfortable in?
either one has faith or one does not. cant be forced.
one can have faith in his own personal Christian God that does not include a limitation to the age of the earth based on some bishop a couple of hundred years ago who made a detemination of the earths age by some simple but not necessarily correct math.
My Rabbi says that your marriage comes first, and that you just need to make sure you succeed in your marriage, and simultaneously show how important religion is to you.
Everything else will take care of itself. If your wife truly loves you, she will accept your religiousity and perhaps come around. Nonetheless, your responsibilities are to your marriage and your religion. Not her religiousity.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14
Stay the course. She’ll be fine. I used to say the same thing, but finally admitted to myself that it was just desperation.
Belief in God doesn’t come from going to church. If she just looks around at the world, then she cannot deny Him. It will happen.
I would get some good counseling if I were you.
You are right - about the only thing you can do is pray for her. Then continue to love her. There is no guarantee that anything will happen in her heart to restore her to God, but you have to have faith that this will happen. Just do not give up on her or your marriage.
We will pray for you and your wife.
Give her an Earth-shattering O.
Actually, the Earth could be 1 day old. Any reasonably omnipotent God could have created everything yesterday and given us all memories (and fossils and stuff) to make the place seem to be 4 billion years old. I'm just sayin'
When the two of you are in the car, do you find that you like different stations? When watching tv, do you have different program preferences? People have needs at different times and not all the time are two peoples needs congruent. What I suspect is happening is that she has spiritual needs different from yours and perhaps the two of you should consider searching for a new church home.
go troll in some other thread
Even Albert Einstein believed in a higher power. I don’t know about everyone else but he was a lot smarter than I’ll ever be.
I agree that Lee Strobel’s book is a good one for people who are analytical and scientific-minded and don’t accept the easy answers in Christianity. He also has another book, The Case For Faith, that might be helpful.
Live true to your beliefs, plan on being single, celibate, and slightly more sane in the future.
You do live through it, regardless of how it feels as the time.
And life gets better. No honeydo list, no griping. Shower when you decide that you actually offend yourself. It has an up-side.
But unequally yoked is the kiss of death.
Feepmail me later if you live through it and want some hints on how to thrive.
/johnny
You did not say why your wife figured out this earth is not 6000 years old. Realizing this earth is NOT young is not an atheist argument. The Bible does not tell us exactly how old this earth is and it does not anywhere suggest this earth is young. This 'flesh age' is close to the 6,000 year time frame but as Peter says there was a heaven/earth age before this man/woman in flesh. Now it could be that if your denomination/church requires believing in a young earth might have cause your wife to doubt that 'God' of a young earth religion.
it sounds like you love each other enough to get married. that's a reasonable place to begin. if you think that a man and a woman will always agree, or be at the same place spiritually, at a given point in time -then you are like your FReepHandle, a "young conservative."
hang in there. be patient. good luck!
Before Decartes statement “I think, therefore I am” comes “I doubt, therefore I think”.
With kids in the house, you have to think, because more than you is on the line. Take good care of her, and she will do you proud. Remember not to let anything get between you and your spouse, to include priests and ministers who have their own agenda.
DON’T STRAY! Don’t let this ruin YOUR Christian life. This must be terrible for you, I really can’t imagine. I’m praying for you.
If she really does seem fine, I wouldn't worry so much. I think we all have times in our lives when we are questioning or doubtful. It may be something that passes after a time. If she wants to talk about it, great. As long as she isn't hostile toward your religious life, I think I'd continue as normal.
I would say that I find that many people tend to get more religious after having children. I suspect she will be back.
Perhaps your faith will be the means of saving her. Be a good example.
First I would seek to determine if she was ever truly converted. People, often out of ignorance, can “play Christian” for decades - even without realizing it.
If she was really converted, then I have found that at the root of almost every apostasy there is a moral issue.
I don’t mean that you wife is immoral, but it may be that sometime back a sin came between her and God and they parted paths. The farther they got apart, the less real He became to her and the more open she would be to listen to the father of lies.
Unbelief almost always has a moral core to it.
DON’T STRAY! Don’t let this ruin YOUR Christian life. This must be terrible for you, I really can’t imagine. I’m praying for you, and your wife.
Is there a chance she’s doing this to get out of the marriage?
What has a CREVO debate thread got to do with this conversation? She is using her brains and observing that humans are set on some interpretation that is inconsistent with physical evidence.
Her conclusion? 6000 years is nonsense, so God must be nonsense.
You mean he's just playin' with us?
Time is relative in regard to the person's perspective. It is an old joke, but I thinks it applies when we get too smart and try to figure out the time perspective regarding the earth versus The Bible:
Steven: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: About a penny...
Steven: How much is a million years to you?
God: About a second...
Steven: God, may I borrow a penny?
God: Sure Steven, just a second... :-)
Seriously, young_conservative, I pray that you can get the situation resolved so that your wife can get past this and will realize that she is paying interest on a problem that she really doesn't need to worry about. I will add both of you to my prayer list...
Regards,
Raven6
Practically speaking, if you love her, find out if she is willing to tolerate you, and other people, practicing their religion. For example, is she willing to tolerate the celebration of religious holidays, would she object to you going to church, and for that matter, how will she act around others who ask her about church and faith?
Much can be learned with inquiry. Does she object to God, or to organized religion? Will she insist that your children not be raised with religion, or will she just quietly sit in the back while you shepherd them in church? Can she abide just sitting on a pew and not doing anything?
And don’t limit the inquiry to religion. Giving birth to twins had to have all sorts of effects on her, as others have pointed out. She might be severely depressed and not be showing it much, or she might have lots of other unusual emotions. Asking your family doctor to give her a hormone blood test would probably be a very good idea for all of you, just to be on the safe side.
Pay special attention to anything she says that sounds despairing or “weird”. People under psychological stress often say what they really think, instead of pleasantries, and this can be diagnostic.
http://www.gnmagazine.org/booklets/
I'm not a member or advocate for this organization but the articles are thorough and may help her deal with her doubts in light of scripture. Also, I don't, for one, ever believe God will forsake or abandon your wife. Peace.
mother teresa had a crisis of faith.
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1655415,00.html
Excellent point.
She may come back someday. You can’t force it, and you can’t present her with any reading materials that will reawaken a faith that has gone dormant. She has to find her way back to faith by herself, through grace.
Apparently you belong to a denomination that embraces views many thoughtful, educated Christians would have a hard time with. It sounds that your wife is throwing the baby out with the bathwater—that is, she is rejecting all of Christian thought because she finds the teachings of your denomination impossible and illogical. Has she considered that one can believe in God and have a close relationship with Jesus without necessarily believing that the world was created in six literal days six thousand years ago?
C.S. Lewis wrote that a young person who denies God may actually be maturing in his or her faith and may come to a stronger faith in the end. It can take time. Remember that as Paul told the Corinthians, the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing one, so you can continue to be a light and a blessing to her.
My ex-husband was an atheist who lost his faith in youth, as he studied science. His mother and my mother and I all prayed for him for many, many years. He only came around again about five years ago, decades after losing his faith. I hope your wife will come back to the Lord, too.
Good for her, I say. You can't win the race when chained to the starting line.
Where we are going is far more important than where we came from!
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)
“But without faith it is impossible to please Him(God): for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.” (Hebrews 11:6)
“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 5:1)
“So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” (Romans 10:17)
“And she’s right... there is no way the earth is 6000 years old, but what that has to do with God is beyond me.”
I agree. Certain parts of the Bible cannot be taken too literally. For example, Moses was divinely inspired to write the account of creation, but he was not there. It was explained the best he could considering the inspiration God gave him, and limited communication: neither the writer nor the reader could really understand fully. The best he could do was to describe it in terms readers could learn and understand.
But there are also those who depart greatly from sound interpretation of scripture by going overboard in the opposite direction of literalism, such as Paul was a homosexual, or Jesus was married.
A couple of references that I like:
Acts 17:24-28
Hebrews 11:3 (note how consistent this verse is with the big bang theory, hundreds of years before Galileo realized that the earth revolved around the sun, and the universe did not revolve around earth)
I wish I could offer you more ... There are many good books (of course the Bible, 'Evidence that demands a verdict' by Josh McDowell; 'Sermons for the Natural Man' by W.G. Shedd; any sermonaudio sermons by Alan Cairns; etc) ... but I'd still point her towards God's promises. E.g.,
Jeremiah 29:12-13 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Isaiah 55:6-7 Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
I pray that your wife will seek the LORD... While HE is near...
God Bless...
Of course not. No one has ever accused him of omni-patience.
TaxRelief: "Excellent point."
So God wrote lies in scripture to deceive us?
Blasphemy.
“I don’t think I can really preach or talk her back. I don’t think it would work and I don’t want to be a pain to her.”
Two toddlers huh? If you don’t think listening to her will help, or that marriage counseling will work, it probably won’t.
As a divorce lawyer I can assure you that in a few years one of two things will happen: either you will wish that you had listened to her or you will get on your knees and thank God that you did.
I think not! But clearly there is an inconsistency with the "young earth" interpretation of God's time and actual truth.
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