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Zombies would most likely wipe out humanity if they really existed, claim scientists
The Telegraph ^ | 8-18-09 | Richard Alleyne

Posted on 08/18/2009 5:30:00 PM PDT by dynachrome

Civilisation would most likely be finished in the event of a zombie outbreak, claim Canadian mathematicians who have calculated the possible devastation caused by an attack by the fictional monsters. Using models developed to calculate the effects of more plausible pandemics, the team from the University of Ottawa have discovered that unless man struck back quickly and aggressively then they would be doomed.

The scientific paper, which is published in a book “Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress”, looks at an attack by the undead creatures, who infect the living with a bite.

In their study, titled When Zombies Attack!, the researchers picked “classic” slow-moving zombies such as those in Dawn of the Dead as models and divided humanity into three: the living, zombies and the “removed” – zombies who had been killed by decapitation.

They concluded there was no point trying to cure those infected or live with them - the best thing was to destroy them as quickly as possible.

(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: braaaaaaaaaaaaaaains; canada; doomed; napl; votes4democrats; zombies
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To: TheOldLady

Bob Hope was one of the greats, and I say that as one who has made a life-work of wisecracking.


81 posted on 08/19/2009 7:09:41 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: Slings and Arrows; Revolting cat!

All I want to know is how much THIS study cost.


82 posted on 08/19/2009 7:22:14 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (There is no truth in the Pravda Media.)
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To: dynachrome; chuck_the_tv_out

Funny thread!

I can’t resist posting the link to a previous version because of the graphics there.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2319098/posts?page=30#30

Major applause for # 30!


83 posted on 08/19/2009 7:58:38 AM PDT by Titan Magroyne (Freedom is taken, not given.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Yes, and I bow to your superior skill and lack of derision at my humble attempts.


84 posted on 08/19/2009 8:16:30 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: a fool in paradise

To you? Nada. It’s Canadian.


85 posted on 08/19/2009 8:50:46 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: TheOldLady

You do just fine. Seriesly.


86 posted on 08/19/2009 8:51:23 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: dynachrome

Bart: Homer! You shot the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?


87 posted on 08/19/2009 8:54:58 AM PDT by RabidBartender
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To: Slings and Arrows

I’m just curious how much those doing these “studies” get paid. I see some crazy ones from England too.

It could be a good racket, I mean business, to get into. They haven’t offshored these to India yet, have they?


88 posted on 08/19/2009 8:56:07 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (There is no truth in the Pravda Media.)
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To: dynachrome
In their study, titled When Zombies Attack!, the researchers picked “classic” slow-moving zombies such as those in Dawn of the Dead as models and divided humanity into three: the living, zombies and the “removed” – zombies who had been killed by decapitation.

They concluded there was no point trying to cure those infected or live with them - the best thing was to destroy them as quickly as possible.

A threat must be assessed.

"The whole concept of stability is a concept of death. It's part of my problem with the Bambi concept of natural history, where everything is beautiful and cute and benign. It's not the world. The world isn't like that at all. You're either 'prey, you're an 'enemy', or you're 'ignored'. Now think about all the islands. Island wildlife was wiped out because people could walk up to them with a stick and hit it on the head because it's much easier to kill something that doesn't see you as an enemy. By the time they realized it, they were extinct."
- Ray Mendez, mole-rat specialist "Fast, Cheap, & Out of Control" (1997)
89 posted on 08/19/2009 8:58:56 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (There is no truth in the Pravda Media.)
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To: a fool in paradise

In this case, probably nothing. I’m willing to bet that they already had the tools for serious research, and ran the numbers for ***** and giggles.

Scientists gotta have fun too.


90 posted on 08/19/2009 9:00:01 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: All

Seriously, this is as much a threat to humanity as Global Warming or ManBearPig...


91 posted on 08/19/2009 9:14:36 AM PDT by Maverick68 (w)
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To: ThermoNuclearWarrior
Well its silly, but:

1. Infectious - their numbers increase with every victim. Even the wounded are potential zombies. This also means that zombies always have quantitative superiority.
2. Undead - things that would kill or disable a human being would hardly even slow down a zombie. Hitting a zombie with a flame thrower just gives you a flaming zombie. The only things that work are massive head trauma and dismemberment.
3. Persistence - they don't stop attacking day or night. They never rest. They never run away. You can't reason or negotiate with them.
4. Morale - Zombies - ick! Dead friends attacking you - eek! Also, a fear of infection. Having to kill your own wounded with a head shot to prevent more zombies would be a big morale hit, too.

That said, the solution is actually pretty easy - armored vehicles, especially bulldozers. The zombies can't hurt the AFV, and it can grind ‘em up wholesale. The only limitation is the amount of petrol and diesel available to keep them running.

92 posted on 08/19/2009 9:19:48 AM PDT by Little Ray (Do we have a Plan B?)
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To: Little Ray

Of course, no one has yet discussed the moral implications of “killing” zombies, should a zombie attack be imminent.

For a handy primer, see Jimmy Akins “Theology of the Living Dead”:
http://www.jimmyakin.org/2005/08/theology_of_the.html


93 posted on 08/23/2009 9:05:45 PM PDT by fidelis (fidelis)
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To: fidelis

That’s because there are no “moral implications.” They’re dead. They need to lie still, not talk and not attempt to operate heavy machinery.


94 posted on 08/24/2009 8:37:57 AM PDT by Little Ray (Obama is a kamikaze president aimed at the heart of this Republic.)
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