.."eeeekk he's a jihadist"
Oh, good. We haven’t had a good Viking Kitty Thread in quite a while.
.."eeeekk he's a jihadist"
I don’t think I believe this, but FWIW.
My former kitty from hell became a big lovable fuzzball. 16 months old now, he only gets up to get his treats, talk to the birds in the trees and give us kisses. It took some time to correct his behavior but it was worth it. I can only hope someone will adopt him and will give him the environment he needs, he definitely should not be around your kids.
Good luck to you and Prozac Kitty :)
“Chuck Norris” - LOL!!!
We recently adopted a cat by way of my brother; it’s the first one we’ve ever had. He’s about 2 or 3 years old, and after reading this, I’m thankful that all he does is fall off windowsills.
He does have a thing for towels, though. When my brother gave him to us, he said, “Put a towel down on the floor and see what happens.” So we did, and this animal takes a great deal of delight in getting a running start and skidding on the towel, like kids with the skimmer boards at the beach. Then he’ll start bunching it up and freaking out. Strange critter, but very sweet, and he’s a lot of laughs.
Need another kitty???
HILARIOUS!!!
Great with children (provided you don’t like children)!!!!
No cat can ever get this way by accident. This person might have even helped create this abomination. He/she needs to euthanize it - or learn to live with it.
I rescued a kitten a few years ago that turned out to be an attack kitty before he was even this size. I have been around cats all my life and this was the worst one I have ever seen. He was literally demolishing my house. I was nice enough to give him to my daughter’s ex-mother-in-law. I accomplished this by letting my grandson have the honor of giving her the kitten so of course she was stuck with it. I was overjoyed with the weekly updates of Joker’s oneryness. The lady did love him dearly though so it worked out great for him too.
lol!
"You grab the ankle and I'll grab the kibble on his way down. Nothing to it."
Watch it. With two they eventually learn the fine art of the conspiracy and thought transference!
Omg! It's a Viking kitty in training!
...or zotting trolls.
Terror Kitty’s long lost brother? ping
CAT’S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan ...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
http://www.kittens-lair.net/cat-humor/cats-diary.html
FYI, Just in case your looking for a Viking Kitty to adopt.
That’s funny. I think I used to have the same kitty. We lost her a few months ago, at the age of 16, and believe it or not I actually miss her. Although, I don’t think I’ll be getting another one any time soon.
My cat is known to get vicious on a irregular basis.
ROFLMAO
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
ping
