Indigo Montoya says "I do not thinka that word meansa what ju think it means".
Ersatz.
Posted on 06/29/2008 8:52:25 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady
I've just seen The Wanted, and now I'm going to review it. There will be spoilers, although it's hard to spoil a movie that is already so mediocre. I went in knowing nothing other than that Angelina Jolie was in it, and it was about some nerdy young man finding out he was very special and had secret powers, and it was his destiny to fulfill them. Does that sound terribly familiar?.
Sure enough, it starts out with a nerdy young man in an office. Our erstwhile Neo is approached by a Trinity-like vixen who drags him through a wild chase and then takes him to meet Morgan (our Morpheus) Freeman.
At first the young man resists this message that he is special and has a destiny to fulfill, but he comes to accept it and goes through his training.
By the end of the first hour, I had come to the conclusion that basically, if you take The Matrix, take away the clean, stylized look, strip away the innocence, wonder, and romance, then add tons and tons of blood and jiggly camera moves, basically, you have The Wanted.
Oh, it's a slightly different storyline. The codes aren't computer codes. They're woven into cloth. Yes, really. It's pretty stupid. Instead of discovering free will to free themselves from the Matrix, they abandon free will and take assassination orders from a big loom. Yes. A loom. Did I mention it's stupid?
The boy who plays the lead is... actually I have no idea who he is. I thought it was Shia LeBeouf for the first half hour. Apparently it isn't, but I'm not even curious enough to look and see who he is. I'm sure he's a nice boy.
Angelina Jolie, gets a few good fight/chase scenes, but mostly she stands around watching The Boy get beat up. Occasionally she and Morgan Freeman exchange knowing looks. In one scene she eats a sandwich while The Boy gets beat up, and I amused myself imagining her, take after take, spitting out the sandwich so her weight doesn't drift up into the triple-digits.
By the time we get to the Pay-Off scene where we find that (imagine sonorous voice here) nothing is what it seems! I had long since figured out who this person 'really' was and who that person 'really' wasn't. It's kind of not a shock. I'll give you a little hint. Ever seen Star Wars? "Luuuuuke..."
Then we have our final big confrontation, shoot-em-up, blow-it-up, blah blah blah. For one of the first times in my life, I was on my feet the minute the credits rolled.
In sum, it's too long, it's too bloody, it's not original, and I think Angelina would look better with bangs and an extra 10 lbs. Do yourself a favor. Don't bother with this movie. Stay home and watch The Matrix again.
He’s a twerp and a shrimp...and to think this passes off as an action hero nowadays. Thanks for the review though.
So which is worse...The Happening or Wanted?
Can I read Hobbes' Leviathan instead or will I have to give a book report on it like I did in college?
The Happening is probably worse.
Oh, well look at that. He was very cute as Tumnus the faun. I guess he’s just one of those guys who looks better with pointed ears.
I haven't seen Glitter, Gigli or From Justin to Kelly, but The Happening is worse.
Plus that Britney movie, whatever it was called. I didn't see it, but The Happening is worse.
I have seen Showgirls and Battlefield Earth, and The Happening is worse.
In short, I have/haven't seen ___________, but The Happening is worse.
**I haven’t seen Glitter, Gigli or From Justin to Kelly, but The Happening is worse.**
I actually saw Glitter (as punishment for cheating on then my ex-GF who wanted to watch it, BIG Mariah fan)...
..and I wanted to hang myself because I was so depressed afterwards, and lost my sexual libido for 3 days. Now you know why she’s my ex.
I won’t watch the Happening as you guys have advised.
Two of his films are playing on HBO - Last King of Scotland (intense film) and Rory O'Shea Was Here (pretty amazing indie film where he plays a young Irish paraplegic. I was impressed.)
We saw WALL-E last night....the first overtly political (save the earth) PIXAR movie. and the most disappointing.
That kid?? Seriously? I mean, I'm not dissing his acting, I'm sure it's fine, but....
Okay, well, I'm just too old, I guess.
LOL! Did you see Ishtar?
I saw Ishtar many years ago, but I’ve repressed...er...forgotten most of it. Mostly I remember Bruce Willis as a singing safe-cracker - oh wait, that’s Hudson Hawk. *Shudder*
Oh! I know what movie I hated above all others! “Wings of Desire!” Some French/German navel-gazing dreary artsy black and white flick that just went on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.... I’d doze off and wake back up and it was STILL going on. I thought I’d gone to Hell.
The most indulgent navel-gazing dreary artsy film I've seen in recent years is The Brown Bunny which, except for brief un-sexy sexual content, mostly consists of a guy driving around for 2 hours. Painful.
Indigo Montoya says "I do not thinka that word meansa what ju think it means".
Ersatz.
No one here has any inkling of the all time worst movie ever. Should you ever be presented with the opportunity to see “Even Cowgirls Get the Blues,” run for the nearest exit.
When I bought my very first DVD player, I believe it was a Philips, and they actaully gave away (in the box) a movie DVD - Not a coupon, but a REAL DVD movie, so you could hook it up and watch it right away.
The movie I received was "Lost in Space" starring Matt Lablanc, Mimi Rodgers, Gary Oldman, and William Hurt. I was rather excited because of the cast (well, I don't really care about Matt Lablanc, but then Heather Grahm was in it too, so that makes up for him). Saying that movie was a disappointment and a complete waste of my time is FAR too generous.
Forget that the movie was free. Somebody owes me for watching that horrible movie. They don't just owe me for the time I wasted, the time and energy spent sitting in disbelief and breathing while a part of my life was wasted! No, the fact that I actually remember some of that movie means that there is brain capacity that's being used by that movie that could be put to far better use. Somebody owes me for either the space those memories are taking up, or they need to give me a method for removing those memories!
Mark
I don’t know - I got dragged to see “Reality Bites” by my gf at the time, and I was ready to puy a knitting needle through my brain about 20 minutes in. What a waste of celluloid!
puy = put
A superhero? I think he'd get blown alway by the first strong wind to come along.
Thanks for the review. You're a darling.
I don't get to many movies these days, so your review keeps me from seeing even more needless stuff.
Last movie I saw at the movie theater was Prince Caspian. Took my youngest daughter. She has a crush on one Peter. (William Mosley)
I had more fun watching her. ; )
Trust me....if you don’t believe me you could rent a copy if they haven’t all been burned....but I caution you not to do that....
You know, that's one of the few movies with Keanu in it that I haven't seen. I'll generally sit through anything to look at him. But thanks for the warning.
Hand loom, or power? 4-shaft or 8-shaft? Synthetic yarn????
I do like the part where Ethan Hawke tells Winona Ryder that her dress looks like a doily.
"Flashdance," 1984.
Hell, I dunno. It’s a loom. A big, huge loom. The Loom of Doom. In fact, I think they actually called it that, or I might have just seen it on IMDb.
That’s really strange.
We saw it yesterday, and it was just good, mindless FUN. Sorry, but if I went for deep meanings in movies, I’d never go to anything. But there was lotsa gratuitous shooting, car chase scenes and too many people with G-d complexes deciding who lives and who dies.
My biggest problem was the way they treated the rats, but that’s just me.
Aside from Morgan Freeman’s silly rant before the climax, it left out much of the usual “Leftist/Marxist Government=GOOD, Right-wing, gun-toting, knuckle-dragging corporate weenies=BAD” that is infesting everything out of Holly-weird these days.
Yeah, I wasn’t happy about the rat-bombs either. I used to have a pet rat when I was a teenager. She was black and white, her name was Bo, and she used to ride around on my shoulder. Needless to say, I was the creepy girl with the thick glasses. LOL!
I had pet rats growing up - great little pets!
I think they’re pretty cool. I also raised an abandoned baby possum. They are WAY cool. You just put two water dishes out and they’ll use one as a toilet. Very easy clean up. Of course, they aren’t the friendliest critters. But they’re cool.
Before you review a movie, make sure you get the title right.
I’m sorry.
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