Posted on 05/16/2008 8:54:14 AM PDT by Jeff Chandler
The Negligee
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500-- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Once upstairs, the wife thinks, I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well not be there. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked. I'll return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500 , they'd at least iron it!
He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at noon. Closed casket.
Well, did the wife have stretch marks from having to push out 6- or 7- pound babies?
The wife was charged with Neglegeent Husbandcide!
LOL
Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”
The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
:) Barummbump! :)
Not too funny for this 39 yr old female married Freeper who has 4 kids and is not quite as wrinkle free as in years past—I’m actually still trim but age marches on—oh well, at least my husband and I will age together.
... and we have a Winner!
Next question is for the defense attorney, how to present the evidence? (hint: very carefully)!!
Personally, I'd start with the Moon, I mean if she can test the scale to that limit ...
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.
Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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