Posted on 06/22/2007 5:41:29 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Yes, folks, it's SUMMERTIME again!
Time for family vacations....
Going to theme parks...
Going to the beach...
Going swimming...
And trying new things...
“The bigger the summer vacation the harder the fall”
~ Unknown
So hop in the family truckster...
or some other means of travel...
and just have fun gettin' there...
Official Friday Silliness Thread
~ Click here to be added or taken off the list ~
What are your plans for your summer "vacation"? 
Let's hit the road...
FURST!!!!
Top 10! Woo Hoo!
Whitewater Rafting
Wooo hoooooooooooo I made the first Page? Looks like Unemployment has its perks..
...as soon as it opens...
Beeber set to “Stune”
Make your time!
Did You Know????
A team of biologists from Yale University and the University of Sheffield in England reported in April that some species of ducks have genatalia so complex that they provide the female duck with unusually effective mating control. Both the male and the female sex organs are sort of corkscrew-shaped, but the females spirials in the opposite direction from the males, allowing her (in the event of rape or opportunistic, nonmating sex) to "lock down" her procreative organs. Only when the female relaxes, the researchers point out, can sperm approach her eggs.
bttt
NEW RULES
New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.
New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?
New Rule : Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that--It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule : If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other show
New Rule : No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule : No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule : When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule : If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
OOH The Hugh Manitee!!!!
While that may be true, Drake mallards are notorious for screwing anything. I’ve seen pictures of Mallard/teal hybrids, mallard/gadwall hybrids, mallard/pintail hybrids, mallard/widgeon hybrids. Almost anything you can imagine except maybe mallard/chipmunk hybrids.
I believe that is my stapler...
Summer!!!! Great weekend planned! /s
Wife and I are camping with daughter’s scout troop. At the beach.
I’m taking fishing gear and running away to be alone.
I'll be lmao all day....
HUH????
If I was unemployed, no way in hell you’d see me posting at 8:30am.
I’d still be in the bed.
Reminds me of when my granddaughters worked for a coffee shop (NOT Starbucks). They had their own names for each type of order. My favorite was "Decaf coffee with non-dairy creamer and artificial sweeteners." Their title: a "why bother?"
You haven't been to Averill Park.
Not I..I am trying to keep on a normal sleep cycle so when I do get a new job, I am not Groggy.
Besides, the stupid robins wake me so freakin early.I hear the things at 0330, WTF>>>>
The doc tells me I have a three-month recovery period following surgery. Pretty much uses up all the summer vacation months.
Painting the garage and the foundation ...It is 90+ with plenty of humidity.
Wish you were here.
You are too good! LOLOLOL!
*A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba)
arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space
left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to
her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Sunitaben and Varsha,
I am sending Ba’s body to you, since it was her wish that she should be
cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, cans of cheese,
10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please
divide these among all of you.
On Ba’s feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.
There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the
sizes are correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked
for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided
among my nephews.
Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Shantha.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not
feeling too well now a days.
.
hehehehe
rofl
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid
twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or
leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the
baby I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boy friend
should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to
discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when
confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would
never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour
every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank
until one night he came home sober. (I love this one!!)
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through
mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and
he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
.
Global warming.
Global warming.
Or Michael Jackson
Well here’s to a quick recovery then!!
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