Posted on 03/16/2007 8:05:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
We celebrate Saint Patrick's Day each year on March 17th. The festive holiday has everyone wearing green (so they don't get pinched) and chatting of four leaf clovers, shamrocks, lucky leprechauns, drinking green beer and kissing some big rock called a blarney stone.
Want to be lucky this St. Patrick's Day? Follow this advice:
1. Find a four-leaf clover. 
2. Wear green (so you don't get pinched).
3. Kiss the blarney stone. 
4. Catch a Leprechaun if you can.
5. Drink as much green beer as your heart desires. 
6. And don't forget that corned beef and cabbage.
"May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow and may trouble avoid you wherever you go!"
-Irish Blessing
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big
f ***ing red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond
Good Morning - sleep in today?
~ Click here to be added or taken off the list ~
Roll Call:
I'll drink to that!
Irish Paramedics.
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,
looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean,
"He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
Actually, I'm on west coast time and I forgot to start the thread before leaving for work...
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet.
He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist says, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs, either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The pharmacist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
Begorrah, th' FR server farted.
Wouldn't you know it...........I finally get my pot at the end of the rainbow.........and it turns out to be the wrong kind.
An Irish fella left the pub late one night, and since it was late he figured to cut through the cemetery..
As he walked through it, he fell into a fresh cut grave.. Try as he could, the loose dirt allowed no hold, and he kept slipping back into the hole.. Finally, he decided to wait till morning and let the caretakers help him out, so he sat in a corner and went to sleep..
A little later in the night, another Irish bloke made the same shortcut, and he too fell into the grave site.. As he scrambled at the sides to no avail, the other drunk woke up..
"Ya kanna get out, I've tried", he said..
He got out...
remember to watch out for us irish protestants in orange.
pinch us for us not wearing green and we'll slug ya.
Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded,
"Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied,
"I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
My kids silly Irish music video...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVR93WSp2Xg
Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded,
"Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied,
"I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
Heh! My dad wears orange on St. Pat's every year. LOL
LOL!
That picture looks familiar!
Let's see ... beer store or crapper. YEP! You got a better deal! Somewhere in my family line is a Murphy. There just has to be.
A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us. The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.
Pat and Mike had been drinking buddies and friends for years. After having a few drinks in a bar, Mike said to Pat "We have been friends for years and years and if I should die before you do would you do me a favor? Get the best bottle of Irish whiskey you can find and pour it over my grave." Pat replied, "I would be glad to do that for you my old friend. But would you mind if I passed it through my bladder first?"
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
It's the leprechauns that pinch. And you don't want to make them mad. Have you seen Leprechaun? *shudder*
THANK YOU!
(Though I'll be hiding from the craziness).
Are leprachauns that scary!?!
A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."
"You've Thinned?"
"Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."
"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."
"Will that wash away me Thin?"
"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."
I've never understood how pouring green food coloring in coors light qualifies as Irish.
Real Irish Stout...
Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk. He says,
"did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim,
"No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says
"Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know. Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says,
"Yes may I help you?"
Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says,
"Are you the widow O'Hara?"
To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "Shite you aint."
Sure, but this thread is owned...
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