Posted on 02/26/2007 9:36:07 AM PST by hsmomx3
I have told my daughter that she will continue to attend the school she currently goes to the following school year.
She said no, she wants to go to the local public high school because many of her neighborhood friends go there.
I told her no, she will go to where I tell her.
She seems to think that she can drop out of school as a result of my choice!!
I don't think she can do that so easily.
Does anyone know how that works in Arizona? Do parents have the ultimate authority? I read that a student can drop out at age 16 but I have never found where parents have a say.
Is she 18? She might have a choice if so.
If you lived in Texas, she'd have to go to whatever public school your home is zoned for.
If she is 16, why not let her go to a public school? It's not as if it's going to ruin her in 2 years. You've done well to keep her out of the public schools for so long, and you will see the fruits of that later in her life.
No, 16 going on 17 in the fall.
Because the high school up the street is a real gang and drug type school which is hard to believe in this neighborhood.
Hungarian Gypsy tipped me off to this some time ago, how it is the drug capital of the northern part of our town. I have never seen this but this school has one wall painted for the Mexican's where they hang out, another for the Black kids where they hangout, etc. And one of their friends was telling me that she knows of 14 freshman who are pregnant at this school.
They are getting a far better education where they currently attend.
I understand why you're concerned. But you should be very careful with teenagers. You know how they are, if you tell them that "she will continue to attend the school she currently goes to the following school year", it will just make them more adamant. At this age, they just want to 'show' that they're independent. Therefore, I suggest that you don't try to force the issue, rather, try reasoning with her. Give her the reasons why you're so concerned. If that doesn't work, you may try to force her to go to her current school, if possible.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My oldest daughter just turned 17 a couple of weeks ago. Ugh is the kindest thing I can say. I hope you are all able to work it out.
It's a tough, tough decision. A long time ago, I was told that I was the absolute dictator when it came to health, safety and morality with my kids until they turned 18. They were only 2 and 3 when I got that advice. Along the way, we would tell them, no, this is a safety issue, we get the call or whatever.
At 16, it's a lot more difficult to draw that line.
Fortunately, ours are now grown.
What is the problem with the school she wants to attend? When I was 16 (a LONG time ago,) my parents insisted that I continue to attend the private school where I was a day student. Since I had a car and a driver's license, I enrolled myself in a public school where my friends went without permission from my parents. When my old school would have started, a couple of weeks later than the public one, I was forced to tell my parents. My father then relented and allowed me to stay in the new school because I threatened to quit school altogether if they wouldn't allow it. Yes, I was a spoiled brat and Daddy's little girl, but I did finish and went on to college and law school as well.
Well, lots of gangs, a lot more drugs, lots of pregnant girls, can dress like a gang-banger, etc.
Now, I'm not too opinionated, am I?
This worked for me:
My son was going to one of the finest (and most expensive) private schools in the area, but he wanted to quit because it was too hard and go to the local public school with all his friends (similar to your situation)
So I made a list of all the local schools and their relative value in terms of results and education success, in decending order... and I asked him to pick just how stupid he would like to be when he graduated.
I then explained the next 40 or 50 years of life AFTER high school was the most important thing compared to the next 2 years and the wouldn't a wise person choose to go out into the world as best prepared as he could be?
He seemed to see the light, and it worked in my case... I hope you have similar success
If your child was a boy I would relate how I convinced my step son of the error of his ways using the 'hot girls' list...
Now I understand why you're worried. Are her neighborhood friends that attend there into drugs, etc.? If not, why do you think she would get into trouble if she went there? I spent my last 2 yrs. of high school learning zip because I'd already had the same things in 7th and 8th grade at the private school, but it didn't do anything but bore me and make me read books other than my text books in class.
"And law school as well."
I can honestly say I have NEVER practiced law (except for myself or family.) I just used my legal education in jobs where it was extremely helpful and saved consulting with an outside attorney.
Yes--to the drug dealer question.
I have brainstormed and printed out a list with a variety of topics for my child and we will go over it and discuss the schooling as well.
I don't envy you your job as the sort of things that can happen today to kids is much different than when I was a teenager. My parents were protective of me. The private school was a boarding and day school taught by nuns and attached to a cloistered convent, and we were not Catholic. They were more concerned about the type of education I would receive at a public school than of bad social influences.I hope you have luck in reasoning with her and I hope she is not as headstrong as I was at 16.
I went to public school up to and including 9th grade. I had some sort of major mental change and told my mom I wish to go to Catholic HS starting in 10th grade. Go figure. Best 3 years of my life and now at 40 I am still best friends with the 3 girls I met in 10th grade at the Catholic HS. I consider them sisters. In addition I met my husband to be in 9th grade at the public school. We hung out as friends throughout HS and finally started dating when we were 21. Now married for 15 years, 2 kids. He paid his own way through college. He is very successful in his career despite public school. His family just could not afford the options I got.
I have raised 3 children all successful so I hope you consider my thoughts and opinions valuable. One of these children was a problem child. Extremely rebellious, oppositional etc. Very hard to raise.
At about the same age she announced to me one day that she was sick of school and not going anymore. I told her that apparantly she believed that she was an adult capable of making her own decisions and I therefore was going to start treating her like an adult. She was very happy for about 30 seconds.
I explained that as an adult she was now responsible for herself including supporting herself. She was welcome to still live with us but she would have to start paying room and board as once one finishes school in our home we consider them an adult. That means I am no longer responsible for buying your clothing, toothpaste, bath towels and a place to live for free.
If she was able to support herself and take care of herself without finishing school then I would support her decision and independence. I wasn't going to argue with her. I just told her to let me know what her decision was. She went to school the next day.
In our house until you are able to support yourself I am footing the bill for you and therefore you will do as I say. You are giving your daughter too much power. Parents live in too much fear of their own children.
Once she finishes high school she can make her own decisions. If she chooses to go to college then give her more choices. If she is paying her own way like mine did, they chose the school and we helped them out. But we let them know that once they were finished they had to find a job and support themselves. They all had jobs while in school and lived at home for free during breaks.
They all are married, successful adults and we never had major problems with them. The daughter I am talking about went on to earn two master's degrees and a PHD. We are very close to our children and have great relationships with them.
Your daughter is still to young to make these types of important decisions. While she may want to have some input the final decision has to be yours as you are the adult and the parent and know what is best for her at this point. She may be mad at you for awhile but believe me, she'll get over it.
Children think they are adults because they reach a certain age or because they say they are. Being an adult comes with corresponding responsibilites, none of which at her age she will be able to fulfill. She will quickly realize that she cannot take care of herself yet and she will have to do things your way. Yes, she will be angry. So what? It won't be the first time nor the last.
Take my advice for what you think it is worth and good luck to you and your daughter! Someday you will be walking her down the aisle proud as can be and all this will be a bad memory. Believe me!
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