It's the 229th birthday of the United States Marine Corp.
Posted on 11/10/2006 3:31:04 AM PST by sully777
Bump for later
Morning Sully
Click the Picture Upper Class Twit of the Year
Is it morning?
Yes, I;m grinding my teeth anticipating going to work instead of grinding my teeth over what happened at work-that makes it morning :)
hmmmmm, youre late! :o)
MM
Click the Picture F-22 Raptor Video
Long night in the salt mines...I'm going to have to sign off soon to get some sleep.
As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"
The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."
The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on U.S. military recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Soldiers: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.
Except it is 231 you twit!
The lighter side of FR PING.
MM
Uh.....it's OUR 231st birthday.......
Now drop and give me 20, maggot!!!!
A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a hemophiliac?"
"Well," the doctor answered, "Hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?" the doctor inquired.
After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess!"
So, they decided to get a group of Marines and sailors together to test Viagra. After twenty days, the Sailors reported that they had experienced increased sexual ability and stamina.
The Marines reported that they had all gotten taller.
This is so wrong!!!...rofl
that was funny.... after I got it explained to me.....roflmao
After the week we had, some silliness is definitely needed!!!!
Sure said the bartender.
The Gunny sat down and proceeded to play, and play beautifully. Original pieces too.
After several songs he returned to the bar and ordered another beer. The bartender said 'You play wonderfully, but I didn't recognize any of the music. What was the name of that last one?'
The gunny replied 'Oh that last one? It's one I wrote called I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I COULD JUST F***ING SH*T.'
Good morning sully. Happy Friday to you.
A Marine Corporal and an Army Major were both in the head using the urinals. The young Marine finished his business and headed for the door.
The Major piped up and said, "In the Army, they teach us to wash our hands after going to the bathroom."
Without missing a step the Marine replied, "Yes sir. But in the Marine Corps they teach us not to p*ss on our hands."
*woof*
Woohoo! Top 40!
Now THAT is silly!
Purty. Too bad it wasn't on the hood of a MOPAR... ;-)
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50
and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them That is why you pay "them "
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
"Political Correctness" definition:-
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t*rd by the clean end.
YIKES! I though they were decapitating a pig.
"The new Speaker of the House is Nancy Pelosi. She had lunch today with President Bush, but the lunch honestly did not go well. She would not pass him anything he asked for." –David Letterman
"It has not been a good week for the Republicans. This election was kind of like a bad divorce –- they got rejected, insulted, and lost the House." –Jay Leno
"Here in California, the voters overwhelmingly decided they do not want Arnold Schwarzenegger to ever make another movie." --Jay Leno
"Over 83 million people voted in the election. And with the new machines that means that over half of the votes were counted." -- Jay Leno
""Borat” is the number one movie in the country. It’s a tall bumbling guy who can’t speak English. He travels around the country annoying people and is often confused. Oh wait, that’s John Kerry. " -- David Letterman
"The Republicans did so bad that today they were made honorary Oakland Raiders." -- Jay Leno
"I’m so glad the election is done. Now the only annoying political speech you’ll hear is at a Barbara Streisand concert." -- Jay Leno
"California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was re-elected and he said he plans to use the next four years to showcase California as a one-of-a-kind model of bipartisan cooperation. Of course, it was much funnier when Arnold said it." -- Conan
"According to Britney Spears' pre-nup agreement, after she divorces Kevin Federline she'll have to pay him $30,000 a month. And when you add that to Federline's other sources of income, he'll be making a total of $30,000 a month. " -- Conan
"Today was Election Day. The vote went quick here in L.A. They now have a quicker, faster separate lane for all the illegal immigrants." -- Jay Leno
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