Posted on 09/22/2006 1:00:00 AM PDT by sully777
LONDON (Reuters) - Stimulating a certain area of the brain can produce a creepy feeling that someone is watching you when no one is, scientists said Wednesday. Swiss researchers made the discovery while evaluating a young woman for surgery to treat epilepsy...When they electrically stimulated the left temporoparietal junction in her brain, which is linked to self-other distinction and self-processing, she thought someone was standing behind her. If they repeated the stimulus while she leaned forward and grabbed her knees she had an unpleasant sensation that the shadowy figure was embracing her..."Our findings may be a step toward understanding the mechanisms behind psychiatric manifestations such as paranoia, persecution and alien control," said Olaf Blanke, of the Ecole Polytechnique Federale de Lausanne, in the journal Nature...
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. The phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work. You don't know them."
I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?
I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property. She then accused me of trying to spy on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down, I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check
on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.
So, is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?
Dear Lowrider:
Check to see if your Harley is still under warranty. If so, take it to the dealer and let them fix it.
If it is not under warranty, do not try to fix it yourself if you don't have the skills. Ask a friend who knows about this sort of thing. Or, ask your wife's boyfriend. He seems to be taking care of other things you can't handle, so maybe he can help here also.
Hard to find
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football and NASCAR. All of a sudden Thibodeaux turns to Boudreaux and says, : "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife...she hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
Boudreaux sips his beer and replies,
"You better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
Morning madman
Good to see they finally found a use for Milwaukee's Best
Morning-trying to get back to sleep.
Insomnia lately
Proactive
I believe in being proactive. Yesterday, I found a Jehovah's Witness neighborhood and went door to door telling them I wasn't interested.
I talked like a Poirot this week.
Why is it okay for a woman to shout: "Harder ! Harder !"
But not okay for a man to shout: "Tighter ! Tighter !" ?????????
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a engineer monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in its own cage. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a Project Manager."
Shalom.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says you specified the wrong glass.
The architect says the glass is empty. Can I have another?
Shalom.
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
Checking in for another week...
Shalom.
That's what the airport screener said.
Shalom.
In B 4 50???
Checking in!
MINE?
(Click picture for audio.)
Three Rednecks, Bubba, Hoss, & Catfish, were working on a tall TV tower. Catfish fell off and was killed instantly.
As the ambulance took away the body, Hoss says, "someone should go and tell his wife."
Bubba says, "okay, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff. I'll do it."
Two hours later Bubba comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Hoss says, "where'd you get that, Bubba?"
"Catfish's wife gave it to me," says Bubba.
"That's unbelievable. You told the lady that her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?"
"Well, not exactly," Bubba says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Catfish's widow."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you case of Budweiser you are."
In come three flies, and plink, plank, plunk!, drop into the three beers.
The Englishmans says "Eeeeewwww!", and pushes away his beer.
The Irishman reaches in, grabs the fly, flicks it away, and resumes drinking.
The Scotsman reaches in, grabs the fly, shakes it, and says "Spit it out, ya wee bastid!"
Reminds me of an old "Wizard of Id" cartoon where a thief stopped a stagecoach. "Your money or your wife!" he demanded. There was the sound of a kick as Blanch landed on the thief. As the coach drove away he yelled, "COME BACK HERE YOU WIWWY WIVERED WOUSE!!!!!"
Shalom.
"Shakin' it here, boss"
That is one of my all-time favorites. I actually think of it at odd moments. Classic.
As he sits at the bar he asks the bartender where the tiny piano player came from. The bartender reached under the counter and pulled out an ancient Persian lamp and said, "Give the lamp a rub."
So the man rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie. The genie said, "For freeing me from the lamp I will grant you one wish. You may ask for anything."
The man thinks a moment and says, "Give me a million bucks."
"DONE!!!" roars the genie and - poof - he returns to the lamp. Well the man looks around but sees no money so he reaches for his wallet when in fly a million ducks, quacking, flapping, and generally causing pandemonium in the little bar. The panicky patrons wave their arms and shout and eventually drive the ducks back into the wild from whence they came.
The man turns to the bartender and says, "I'm really sorry about that. I don't know what happened. I didn't ask for a million ducks."
The bartender says, "Do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
Shalom.
I actually tried to eat a Balut one night in Olongapo City after consuming several adult beverages. It got about half way down when my gag reflex kicked in. Barfed all over the place. Needless to say, the staff at the East End bar were not amused.
I'd hate to be that little guy when he gets back to the ol' hill.
That's why I like chocolate covered nuts better. They never crawl away. Plus, if you troll liberal protests, there are plenty of nuts available.
Shalom.
A word to the wise.
Nudge...nudge...wink...wink...say no MORE...say no MORE.
Shalom.
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