Posted on 07/31/2005 3:19:52 PM PDT by mlmr
So I have been trying to rent an apartment in my home...and all I have answering the ads are boyfriends and girlfriends. No matter what social status, no matter what income level, I am seeing unmarried twenty, thirty and forty year old couples who want to live together. If I question them, they don't even understand why I am asking.
These are Christians and Jews. I was so surprised to find that it would be so difficult to find a young married couple.
Tell me Dear Freeper...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?
My 23 year old daughter is getting married on Aug 13, she's living at home until the marriage. Good luck!
Yes.
Depending upon which state you live you, you might be violating the law by asking these questions.
Redo your ad.
Include this wording in your advertisement: "Married couples welcome."
Depends where you live. If you live in a liberal area this is probably more of an issue than it would be in other places.
That said, I'd never marry somebody without living with them first, I'm hardly alone in that, and if you're going to rent apartments to couples you can expect you'll have to deal with that a lot.
Hold on to your values and your self respect.
Unless there is something that changed, if you can prove you asked the same questions to every single applicant, it might not be unlawful. But, you have to prove you've asked every one. And then there are other factors, such as, is this rental unit owner occupied, under a certain number of units, etc. Definately needs to check the local laws though.
I do not believe it is acceptable to God. As I read it, it is sin and sin is never good.
In my state one can be much more fussy when renting to people in apartments attached to one's home.
Completely normal, and it is by far the norm in most places I've lived. Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but that is the reality. :-/
"Is Living Together Before Marriage Totally Acceptable?"
Answer: No.
My husband suggested you might try advertising at your church, too.
Yes, many couples live togethe before marriage. A lot. It doesn't seem to improve the odds of the marriage working, but then again, neither does a large wedding and lots of appliances.
If you want a young married couple, then I would suggest you put a notice up on the church bulletin board or newsletter.
Its living together after marriage thats always been a problem for me.
It's rare anymore. It might still be around, but your pool potential renters in that realm will be significantly smaller.
Good luck.
I'm not sure that you as a landlord can prohibit such living arrangements, but premarital or extramarital ("romantic") cohabitation is a mortal sin and in many (or at least some) states remains forbidden and criminal (although its enforcement may be as lax as that for illegal immigration). Fornication and sodomy are serious matters and forbidden, even felonious, in many states. These are sexual criminals, perhaps subject to registration requirements if caught, convicted, and so sentenced in an appropriate jurisdiction.
I'm still living at home. I find your quandry a sad commentary on the social situation today.
One of my 25 year old twins and I just had a talk about this yesterday. She is dating a young man I like very much. I said that, to move in together before marriage is a very bad idea. She agrees. Girls like mine are out there :)
:sigh: Are you another one of those 'I gotta drive the car first to see if I like it?' types?
Pretty much, and it may well be illegal to have traditional morals as a screening criteria. It's a shame, too.
I found that selectively advertising is a good strategy. I've managed to find and keep a lovely tenant in a rental property - she's retired, a Christian, writes fiction, etc - by advertising on church bulletin boards and such.
I own apartment buildings and follow the city codes to a T. The people who live in these buildings lead their lives and pay their rent and are good tenants. My attached apartment needs a married couple or a contintint single because I have a pack of kids as well as my own values to consider.
So why aren't you renting my apartment?
LOL!
My husband and I lived in apartments for the first 4 years of our marriage.
Well - it is the fully forcinating society, after all.
Sorry. But you sir are a cad and a part of the problem. We need to raise children (boys and girls) who plan to be virgins when they marry.
Totally acceptable? As with most things in life the acceptability of a situation depends on circumstances. Yes, I have lived with women without marriage – sometimes with a sexual relationship and sometimes without. I found the advantages and disadvantages were about equal.
They see no advantage. There’s no real tax break, if both have a decent job the benefits remain the same. Religion seldom seems to enter the equation. Many young people today are completely scared of marriage. They seem to think breaking up is easier if they aren’t legally married.
Kids – it’s far easier to breakup if you aren’t living together! Without being married, a minor meaningless spat can lead to a breakup – at least if married you have time to think about it.
I'm still living at home. I find your quandry a sad commentary on the social situation today.
Cyborg, you are getting married soon! I wish you could move in!
Actually, stats say you have a better chance at a successful marriage if you do not live together first. But no one cares about successful marriages or moral behavior. It's all about ME!!! Sadly, there is a lot of social pressure to live together first. It used to be the other way around.
IIRC, the Supreme Court overturned all of these laws last year. And sexual offender registration has only ever applied to violent crimes.
Some suggested your church. Take it one step further, go to several churches in your area.
One of my 25 year old twins and I just had a talk about this yesterday. She is dating a young man I like very much. I said that, to move in together before marriage is a very bad idea. She agrees. Girls like mine are out there :)
These are the values that our family has, and I don't want the children to see me aprove of anything different.
They are obviously more sophisticated and have ALL the answers.
Yes I am :-) I suppose some couples could live together without all the premarital sex but I'd avoid even the appearance of evil.
Yep. You mean you'd buy a car without driving it first?
I'm looking for a 25 year old nymphomaniac with an obsessive cleaning compulsion disorder. ;-)
I would never live with a woman before marrying her.
Kids – it’s far easier to breakup if you aren’t living together! Without being married, a minor meaningless spat can lead to a breakup – at least if married you have time to think about it.
This sounds like the wisdom of the voice of experience.
That's sad. I'm not that type. I would NEVER live with a man. You men have it too easy with the modern liberated womyn.
I also do not have a satisfactory answer, no solid understanding as to why the shackup is seemingly so widely acceptable. And I would like to see something cogent on this topic, as well. As a guess, I wonder if lack of commitment to many additional areas of "responsibility" is part of the culture: little or no responsibility taken for financial discipline, little or no responsibility for child care, little or no responsibility for maintaining a neat personal environment (housekeeping, hygiene, vehicle, etc)... I think I see what used to be called slovely attitudes. We use to judge people and that kept peer pressure on us. Somehow ambivalence has crept into personal choice. Are a majority of our children suffering from a chronic low self-image? Did the crusade for non-judgmentalism rob a generation of self-respect? What are other thoughts here?
We rent out our studio apt. to Church staff.
Get both names on lease...better then having one skip out....
I haven't seen those stats. But as far as marriage is concerned, I do see the nuclear family becoming obsolete and transforming into extended families, which should provide more stability.
Sadly, there is a lot of social pressure to live together first. It used to be the other way around.
What amazes me is that it never occurs to them that living together might cause a raised eyebrow.
Yep. At 59, I have experience.
Sheesh, a judgemental topic if I ever saw one. (And trust me people, God isn't judging through your mouth, YOU are!)
I underwent a 3-month trial period living with my then-fiancee in an apartment, because we both wanted to make sure we were doing the right thing by getting married, and that we would coexist well under the same roof. The experiment was a success, and we took that final step. It had nothing to do with just having a place to screw all the time, it was about being responsible and making sure we were both ready for the final committment, or if we should just stay dating for a while.
I guess that makes us mortal sinners. *shrug* Whatever..
I called a church but I think I will email and deliver a posting.
I don't sleep around. But living together is a lot different from the courtship before, and as the divorce rate shows, a lot of people who seem compatible in one setting find they aren't in the other. It's better to find this out before you're in a situation which requires the lawyers to stick their hands in everything. When I marry I intend it to be permanent.
I pity the woman who considers you for a husband. You are a pig. (and I hereby apoligize to the pigs.)
I wouldn't do it either. The other twin has been dating a great young man for 4 years while they finished school (she just took her bar exam). They have their own places and, while I am indulgent with my girls, they know I am not indulgent about this. Hang tough.
Sorry you're so bitter. There are a lot of good christian conservative women out there. Maybe after you're healed, you'll find someone. I married a sleazy man, he left me for his true love. He's on marriage number 4 now. I felt the same way about men once.
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