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Just-Laid-Off Minneapolis Police Officer Looks On Helplessly As Rioters Burn Down City Council Members' Homes
Babylon Bee ^ | 09/17/2020

Posted on 09/17/2020 3:47:35 PM PDT by DFG

Lieutenant Chris Gastelum was laid off yesterday by the Minneapolis Police Department after the city council voted to defund the police. As he was walking home, he saw, by chance, some rioters throwing Molotov cocktails at the homes of several city council members. But, sadly, he was powerless to do anything, as he'd just turned in his gun and badge.

"Help, officer -- they're burning down my house!" screamed a city council member.

"Oh, shoot! Sorry! Would love to help but they couldn't afford me anymore," Gastelum said. One rioter paused, worried he would be arrested. "Oh, no, sir, go right ahead," the former officer said. "I'm not a cop anymore. Feel free to continue with your mostly peaceful protest."

"Better luck next time!" Gastelum said cheerily to the city council member before skipping on his merry way, a newfound spring in his step.

"It's a real bummer," he told reporters later. "I would have loved to help out." Just then, he turned another corner to see another city council member getting mugged. "Hey, good to see you!" he shouted at her. "Hope everything's going well for you! Have a great day!"


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; defund; minneapolis; minnesota; police
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1 posted on 09/17/2020 3:47:35 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Have a great day!


2 posted on 09/17/2020 3:49:03 PM PDT by coaster123 (Distrust everyone under sixty.)
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To: All

Oh Babylon! Alas Babylon! We can dream.


3 posted on 09/17/2020 3:49:43 PM PDT by BipolarBob (The cost of abortion is a human sacrifice.)
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To: DFG

LOL! And it will become reality soon enough for these short-sighted lifelong losers.


4 posted on 09/17/2020 3:50:01 PM PDT by Roman_War_Criminal (Like Enoch, Noah, & Lot, the True Church will soon be removed & then destruction comes forth.)
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To: DFG

You do realize that most never read past the headline ...


5 posted on 09/17/2020 3:51:11 PM PDT by TexasGator (Z1z)
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To: DFG

The Blessed Bee....


6 posted on 09/17/2020 3:52:46 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: DFG

Man, I was hoping this one was real.


7 posted on 09/17/2020 3:53:48 PM PDT by Husker24
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To: DFG

Now that’s funny.. thanks


8 posted on 09/17/2020 3:54:37 PM PDT by Track9 (English language instruction in china is sponsored by the CCP to facilitate espionage.)
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To: Husker24

instant karma. gonna get chu.


9 posted on 09/17/2020 3:55:24 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET (urope. Why do they put up with this.)
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To: DFG

I find myself hoping that it was true.

The Babylon Bee is the best. The Onion can’t hold a candle (or molotov cocktail) to it.


10 posted on 09/17/2020 3:57:39 PM PDT by Seruzawa (TANSTAAFL!)
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To: DFG

At first I thought this was real.

That’s how absurd things have gotten.


11 posted on 09/17/2020 4:00:29 PM PDT by CheshireTheCat ("Forgetting pain is convenient.Remembering it agonizing.But recovering truth is worth the suffering")
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To: DFG

Good story, I love happy endings.

“Illustrating the absurd by being absurd.”

-Rush Limbaugh


12 posted on 09/17/2020 4:03:05 PM PDT by READINABLUESTATE ( Deplorable, and proud of it.)
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To: DFG

The Bee just keeps getting better. I was almost to the end of the first paragraph before I got that funny feeling my chain was being yanked. :)


13 posted on 09/17/2020 4:22:40 PM PDT by TigersEye (In all things ... trigger discipline.)
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To: DFG

Damn...I was wishing the fire had been for real.


14 posted on 09/17/2020 4:23:34 PM PDT by mass55th ("Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." ~~ John Wayne)
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To: Roman_War_Criminal
"LOL! And it will become reality soon enough for these short-sighted lifelong losers."

Remember in the days after the riots in Minneapolis, it was reported they wanted to defund the police, then not long after, it was disclosed that taxpayers were paying for private security for 3 of the council members, and then just yesterday, the Council President was complaining about the cops not being around when you need them. You can't make this stuff up.

15 posted on 09/17/2020 4:26:48 PM PDT by mass55th ("Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." ~~ John Wayne)
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To: Husker24

Yeah, it was disappointing to find this to be satire. We can hope, though.


16 posted on 09/17/2020 4:35:02 PM PDT by pnut22
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To: DFG

They had me for a minute.


17 posted on 09/17/2020 4:38:53 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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To: Husker24

Ditto that.


18 posted on 09/17/2020 4:42:46 PM PDT by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: DFG

Well,well,well...something about making your own bed and having to sleep in it. How’s that “defunding the police” idea working for you? Maybe you should phone a social worker...


19 posted on 09/17/2020 4:49:10 PM PDT by scottiemom (As a retired Texas public school teacher, I highly reccomend private school.)
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To: TexasGator

It is always fun to see who gets sucked in :)


20 posted on 09/17/2020 4:52:37 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ("Do not mistake activity for achievement." - John Wooden)
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