Posted on 07/13/2020 5:15:19 PM PDT by DFG
Amid calls for justice, NFL teams are taking bold steps to change their team names and end racism. This has caused controversy since everyone is racist. Are you confused? Never fear! We at The Babylon Bee are here to educate you. We believe that all 32 teams were built by a system of whiteness that must be dismantled, one team name at a time.
We MUST do better. Here is why every NFL team name is very problematic:
Arizona Cardinals - Too religious.
Atlanta Falcons - Celebrates one of the cheapest Smash Bros. characters, who is a smug little punk only jerks choose.
Baltimore Ravens - Named after the Disney Channel show That's So Raven without the POC protagonist's permission.
Buffalo Bills - Bills are an evil byproduct of capitalism.
Amid calls for justice, NFL teams are taking bold steps to change their team names and end racism. This has caused controversy since everyone is racist. Are you confused? Never fear! We at The Babylon Bee are here to educate you. We believe that all 32 teams were built by a system of whiteness that must be dismantled, one team name at a time.
We MUST do better. Here is why every NFL team name is very problematic:
Arizona Cardinals - Too religious.
Atlanta Falcons - Celebrates one of the cheapest Smash Bros. characters, who is a smug little punk only jerks choose.
Baltimore Ravens - Named after the Disney Channel show That’s So Raven without the POC protagonist’s permission.
Buffalo Bills - Bills are an evil byproduct of capitalism.
Carolina Panthers - The panther was appropriated wholesale from Wakandan culture.
Chicago Bears - Murderous bears should never be celebrated.
Cincinnati Bengals - It just sounds racist. We’re looking into it.
Cleveland Browns - Brown what? Are you talking about skin color again? Sounds like white fragility.
Dallas Cowboys - A mutant half boy, half cow is tragic and shouldn’t be used as a mascot.
Denver Broncos - Horses have been subjugated and enslaved for millennia.
Detroit Lions - Lions are not vegans.
Green Bay Packers - Glorifies butcherous meat packers. Meat causes global warming. Gross.
Houston Texans - Celebrates the most racist state in the Union.
Indianapolis Colts - This name glorifies guns.
Jacksonville Jaguars - Jaguars are driven by evil rich billionaires as they run over poor people.
Kansas City Chiefs - We suggest switching to Kansas City Wise Indigenous Tribal Elders.
Los Angeles Chargers - We don’t think anyone who has faced down a line of charging riot police would find this name the least bit funny.
Los Angeles Rams - Dodge Rams contribute heavily to the climate crisis.
Miami Dolphins - Painful reminder that Sea World still exists.
Minnesota Vikings - Associated with patriarchy-dominated Norse mythology.
New England Patriots - REEEEEEEEEEEE
New Orleans Saints - Goes against the constitutional principle of separation of church and sports.
New York Giants - They prefer the term “persons of height.”
New York Jets - The burning of jet fuel contributes to global warming.
Oakland Raiders - Celebrates The Raiders of the Lost Ark, which featured prominent Nazi imagery.
Philadelphia Eagles - Eagles are a well-known Nazi symbol.
Pittsburgh Steelers - Steel contributes to global warming.
San Francisco 49ers- The gold miner mascot hearkens back to manifest destiny and the destruction of Mother Earth
Seattle Seahawks - Birds are unable to give consent to have their name used as mascots.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - This one’s actually OK because they were probably just stealing bread to feed their families.
Tennessee Titans - Reinforces the harmful idea of power structures and male-dominated hierarchies.
Washington Redskins - Nothing wrong with this one as far as we can tell.
We hope this informative list is a wake-up call to the NFL. If we continue to work on ourselves, we can help the NFL become more inclusive! Within 20 years, we may get them to put down the ball and kick it around as the ancient Aztecs intended us to.
Detroit Lions are an insult...to Lions.
Da browns..
Hehehe...that was pretty funny. What was with the NE Patriots “REEEEEEEE”?
The Patriots are worst of all???
We know the Cowboys offends because of the use of the word “boys”. Insulting to blacks and women.
Cincinnati Bengals--Offensive to both Indians of West Bengal and Bangladeshis of East Bengal
Cleveland Browns--Offensive to Latinos
Oakland Raiders--Raiders are greedy capitalists who buy a large stake in a corporation and then use shareholder voting rights to require the company to undertake novel measures designed to increase the share value, generally in opposition to the desires and practices of the corporation's current management.
San Francisco 49ers--The gold seekers known a s49ers were white racists--which is why Long Beach State University dropped the mascot in 2019 and will be spending tens of thousands of dollars to remove a statue of Prospector Pete, the gold seeker who served as the school's mascot.
Bengals - They never heard the story of Little Black Sambo?
“Glorifies butcherous meat packers “
Change meat to fudge and yer good to go.
The Redskins will be dropped by the NFL but it still doesn’t address that white oppressor Washington.
Well, with all of that and the loss of all that fan revenue, maybe the NFL thug league should just go belly up and then go away...permanently.
ALL team names are racist and that necessitates name changes and surreptitious and/or open payments of money to BLM.
There really is only one way to settle this. Since EVERY name will offend someone somewhere, just assign each team a random set of three digits. That number will be the new name. Just don’t use 666. That number is kinda touchy.
So instead of Chicago Bears vs. New Orleans Saints, it would be Chicago 385 vs. New Orleans 299.
See? It’s simple. I’m surprised no one has thought of this before.
What do all these teams have in common?????
I won’t be watching any of them.
Buffalo Bills are named after a guy who slaughtered thousands of Buffalo and starved Indians.
Should have been written as:
Buffalo Bills - named after and evil, white Indian (or Native American) scout and fighter.
Call all of them , “NFL Team” ,LOL
I call them the Cowgirls and have since Jerry bought them
What?
All these years, I thought the Buffalo Bills were named after the guy from “Silence of The Lambs” who skinned girls and made clothes out of them.
I always thought it was a heinous name!
Most offensive linemen are white, hence they are called offensive.
Most defensive linemen are black, hence the truth that Black Linemen Matter.
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