Candidate Says “Everything Will Be Free When I’m President” [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 May 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Self-described socialist and candidate for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders promised voters that “everything will be free when I’m president.”

“In a country as rich as ours it is shameful that mere lack of money should block anyone from having all the good things of life,” Sanders said. “No one should be stigmatized by having to grovel to qualify for food stamps or be denied entry into college because they can’t afford it or don’t have good high school grades. Anyone who wants to eat should simply be permitted to take food from a grocery store or restaurant. Anyone who wants to go to college should be allowed in, no questions asked.”

Payment for all these freebies will come from a confiscatory tax on excess assets and income. “Only pure arrogance drives the notion that people who are smarter and harder-working should get more than those less well-endowed by nature or nurture,” the Senator contended. “Just because you are lucky enough to inherit intelligence or learn to be enterprising from the good example of your parents doesn’t mean you earned it. A person born to stupid and shiftless parents isn’t at fault for his lack of effort. Why then should his rewards be contingent on the exertions he doesn’t make?”

“Every human being is entitled to an equal share of the Earth’s bounty,” Sanders declared. “Ensuring an equitable distribution is government’s responsibility. Voters can count on me to fulfill this responsibility.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2015/05/23/failure-to-disclose-26-million-in-bribes-an-oversight-says-ceo/

[Don Corleone]

Did he actually say that “Everything will be free”? If so he must certainly be completely NUTZ!

[bigbob]

Bernie is the ultimate solution for income inequality

[Thorliveshere]

Yup! Lol!

[Gotteskrieger]

Bernie sanders is insane. If everything is free would do the work?

[adorno]

Every human being is entitled to an equal share of the Earth’s bounty

We could make that happen, by going back to the cave ages, where nobody is denied anything, and every person works to grow his/her own food and fetches his/her own water, and makes his/her own clothing (optional).

Everybody would start with equal opportunities. What are the chances that, many will fail to make it on their own, and many others would succeed? So, in order to make sure that nobody excels, and that nobody fails, humans would have to undergo brain extractions.