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Feds Spare No Expense to Close Popular Tourist Sites
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Oct 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 10/04/2013 10:36:28 PM PDT by John Semmens

Determined to put a real “sting” into the shutdown of the federal government in the absence of Congressional passage of a continuing resolution, the federal government incurred the added expense of shuttering popular open-air tourist sites.

“Money isn't the issue,” National Parks Director Jonathan Jarvis insisted. “These parks are owned by the federal government. We say when they are open and when they are closed.”

As it turns out, the NPS exercised more authority than it has. The blockades included privately funded sites that the NPS “mistakenly believed” they had the right to close. The most prominent of these was Mount Vernon—the former home of George Washington that is now run by a privately funded foundation. For that matter, though it sits on federally owned land, the WWII memorial was also built with privately raised donations.

Not all of the blockades were successful. Washington, DC's World War II memorial was successfully invaded by a contingent of 80 and 90-year-old veterans. “We had White House authorization to use deadly force if necessary,” said Park Ranger Bob Weaver. “But without comprehensive gun control laws we couldn't be sure we wouldn't be outgunned. Let's not forget that some of these old guys stormed the beaches of Normandy facing down Nazi artillery and machine guns—firepower that, thus far, has been denied to us.”

Weaver didn't sound optimistic that the NPS's most recent ploy of wiring the barricades together would keep out the invading vets. “It's not barbed wire and we can't lay down a pattern of automatic weapons fire to deter the vets from penetrating the perimeter. Fortunately, this generation is dying off and future efforts to prevent unauthorized intrusions onto government property should go more smoothly.”

Out west, tourists are utilizing helicopter tours to bypass the government's closure of Grand Canyon National Park's roadway entrances. NPS Director Jarvis is pressing the President to declare a “no fly zone” over the Park. “The government owns the airspace over the Canyon just as much as the ground on which the park sits,” Jarvis contended. “If we say the Park is closed no one has the right to view any part of it by any means. Flying over our barricades to sneak a peek is like stealing. It's just plain wrong.

Meanwhile, the October 1st implementation of the Obamacare exchanges has been largely a bust. Computer glitches impeded those few who tried to access the program. Others were stunned to discover that they must first provide an array of personal data before being allowed to see details on the insurance packages offered. Those overcoming qualms learned that the plans offered were significantly more expensive than they had been led to believe—more costly than coverages available prior to the Affordable Care Act.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/142871-2013-10-04-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-october-6-2013.htm


TOPICS: Government; Health/Medicine; Politics; Travel
KEYWORDS: barrycades; obamacare; satire; wwii

1 posted on 10/04/2013 10:36:28 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 10/04/2013 10:37:15 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

bump


3 posted on 10/04/2013 10:46:17 PM PDT by GeronL
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To: John Semmens

remember,..it’s satire

(but they don’t seem to recognize how satirical the federal government has become....)


4 posted on 10/04/2013 11:00:50 PM PDT by Cvengr (Adversity in life and death is inevitable. Thru faith in Christ, stress is optional.)
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To: John Semmens
“These parks are owned by the federal government. We say when they are open and when they are closed.”

You just know that's what they are thinking. The thought that national parks and monuments might belong to the American people never enters their pointed little heads.

5 posted on 10/04/2013 11:04:13 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Right Wing Yahoos taking Over the GOP --YAHOO!)
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To: John Semmens
Anymore, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Thanks again for the ping.

6 posted on 10/04/2013 11:06:26 PM PDT by fatnotlazy
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To: John Semmens

The NPS funding WILL be reduced going forward.


7 posted on 10/04/2013 11:27:55 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: John Semmens

The NPS needs to be seriously smacked down. For two generations (40 yr.).


8 posted on 10/04/2013 11:29:02 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: John Semmens

This has the least satire of any satire I’ve read lately.

You have to step it up a notch.


9 posted on 10/04/2013 11:37:18 PM PDT by UnbelievingScumOnTheOtherSide (REPEAL WASHINGTON! -- Islam Delenda Est! -- I Want Constantinople Back. -- Rumble thee forth.)
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To: UnbelievingScumOnTheOtherSide

He is stepping it up. Reality is simply outsatiring his ability to satire.


10 posted on 10/04/2013 11:54:02 PM PDT by unseelie
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To: John Semmens

GREAT article, John!


11 posted on 10/05/2013 12:30:07 AM PDT by Diver Dave (Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow)
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To: Cvengr; John Semmens
> remember,..it’s satire

Suuuuuuuuure it is....

Another good one John!! Only problem was, I couldn't find the part where it diverged from the truth....

We really are living in one big-ass satire. It's freakin' disorienting.

Carry on John, you're the voice of sanity.

12 posted on 10/05/2013 12:32:13 AM PDT by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: John Semmens
“These parks are owned by the federal government. We say when they are open and when they are closed.”

It's happening in the State of Washington. Essential employees are actually telling people to go away.

Although some hikers are continuing to hike in National Forests by walking around closed fences... don't get hurt because it is going to be extremely difficult to be rescued. Instead, enjoy the regional and state parks.

13 posted on 10/05/2013 1:08:32 AM PDT by John123 (US$ - I owe you nothing. Euro - Who owes you nothing.)
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To: John Semmens

Wow...Dude...its just like its the real thing....wow.


14 posted on 10/05/2013 2:25:45 AM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum -- "The Taliban is inside the building")
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To: John Semmens

As usual, your satire is right on the mark.

It is the politicians’ desire to make those closings hurt the public as much as possible.


15 posted on 10/05/2013 3:14:03 AM PDT by exDemMom (Now that I've finally accepted that I'm living a bad hair life, I'm more at peace with the world.)
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To: John Semmens

Hopefully this gets everyday folks to become disgusted by ALL federal employees.
Treat them all the way they usually treat the general population, like crap.


16 posted on 10/05/2013 3:27:22 AM PDT by Joe Boucher ((FUBO) ( Hey Rubio, eat pooh pal))
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To: John Semmens

Well done!

HOWEVER, You missed so many great opportunities for satire: Catholic priests being forbidden to say Mass, perform marriages and Baptisms, etc.; Obama’s golf course and Camp David open while military grocery stores are locked; Obama recreating while the military is denied NFL TV coverage on base.

There has been enough nonsense this week for 10 semi-news reports!


17 posted on 10/05/2013 3:43:47 AM PDT by afraidfortherepublic
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To: John Semmens
Let's not forget that some of these old guys stormed the beaches of Normandy facing down Nazi artillery and machine guns—firepower that, thus far, has been denied to us.”

Not for long!


18 posted on 10/05/2013 4:12:06 AM PDT by BwanaNdege ("Life is short. It's even shorter if you suggest going out for pizza on your anniversary" Peter Egan)
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To: John Semmens
Fortunately, this generation is dying off and future efforts to prevent unauthorized intrusions onto government property should go more smoothly.”

I wish this were only a joke.

Seems like other generations will let the government do whatever it feels like for the most part.
I'm thinking because most of them know nothing about having to fight. (sometimes just to stay alive)

So much has just been handed to them- Thanks to the Fighters that came did.

Thanks for the ping
Of course you're right on target as usual.
19 posted on 10/05/2013 4:18:43 AM PDT by novemberslady
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Thanks to what the Fighters that came first did.


20 posted on 10/05/2013 4:22:37 AM PDT by novemberslady
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To: John Semmens
Those overcoming qualms learned that the plans offered were significantly more expensive than they had been led to believe—more costly than coverages available prior to the Affordable Care Act.

HA!! Hope all you lefties like the hope and change you voted for. Problem is that we are stuck with the same garbage.

21 posted on 10/05/2013 5:33:30 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: John Semmens

Possumrump National Forest WVa - A National Park Service maintenance crew attempted blockade a road across Federal property leading to a local COSTCO was trampled by a crowd of hundreds of shoppers rushing into the store to buy gallons of mayonaise and 100 packs of hot dogs.

All of the injured are listed in stable condition at the local hospital.


22 posted on 10/05/2013 5:57:41 AM PDT by XRdsRev (New Jersey - Crossroads of the American Revolution)
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To: John Semmens
Great, but..................

Which part is satire?

23 posted on 10/05/2013 5:58:04 AM PDT by Buffalo Head (Illigitimi non carborundum)
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To: John Semmens
Not all of the blockades were successful. Washington, DC's World War II memorial was successfully invaded by a contingent of 80 and 90-year-old veterans. “We had White House authorization to use deadly force if necessary,” said Park Ranger Bob Weaver. “But without comprehensive gun control laws we couldn't be sure we wouldn't be outgunned. Let's not forget that some of these old guys stormed the beaches of Normandy facing down Nazi artillery and machine guns—firepower that, thus far, has been denied to us.”

it's only a matter of time...

24 posted on 10/05/2013 6:38:59 AM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -vvv- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: John Semmens
The message from Rinos should be just how mean Obama is, being a bully to our honored veterans, closing open-air memorials, telling departments to "make it hurt".

But Nooo!! ..they want to find a camera or mic to bash Cruz, Lee and T.E.A. Partiers like me.

25 posted on 10/05/2013 10:36:15 AM PDT by TexasCajun (Creepy-Ass Cracka -- Don't Call Me Cracker)
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To: TexasCajun

The little bastard boy-king is a petulant, bullying, narcissistic slacker. THIS is what the democrips party has become, petulant, arrogant (seen Harry Reid lately!), bullying, and increasing their criminal nepotism.


26 posted on 10/05/2013 10:40:03 AM PDT by MHGinTN (Being deceived can be cured.)
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To: John Semmens

Make it hurt! Revenge! Revenge!


27 posted on 10/05/2013 11:36:43 AM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: John Semmens

“Meanwhile, the October 1st implementation of the Obamacare exchanges has been largely a bust. Computer glitches impeded those few who tried to access the program. Others were stunned to discover that they must first provide an array of personal data before being allowed to see details on the insurance packages offered. Those overcoming qualms learned that the plans offered were significantly more expensive than they had been led to believe—more costly than coverages available prior to the Affordable Care Act.”

Not satire but reality.


28 posted on 10/05/2013 1:59:12 PM PDT by ReformationFan
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To: John Semmens
The kinds of compromises that are off-limits according to Lew include “any modification to the Affordable Care Act not initiated at the President's sole discretion, any attempt to discontinue subsidies to any corporations carrying out the President's green energy program, and any action intended to reverse or limit the scope of any Executive Order issued by the President.”

I can't find even "semi" satire here.

.

29 posted on 10/05/2013 2:13:51 PM PDT by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except to convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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To: Mike Darancette
The thought that national parks and monuments might belong to the American people never enters their pointed little heads.

But they don't belong to the people. They belong to the government which is not even close to the same thing. If you own something do you have to pay to use it? If you own something can someone else lock you out of it?

30 posted on 10/05/2013 2:26:00 PM PDT by from occupied ga (Your government is your most dangerous enemy)
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To: John Semmens

Well done! It must be getting harder than ever to post these before the Fedzilla crosses the line. They double down on doubling down on doubling down on stupid with increasing rapidity.


31 posted on 10/05/2013 3:44:10 PM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: John Semmens

Nice one, John.


32 posted on 10/05/2013 8:25:56 PM PDT by Huntress ("Politicians exploit economic illiteracy." --Walter Williams)
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To: John Semmens
A couple of ways to fix this: 1) reduce the NPS finding to $1 per year (feral gubmint employees work free!) or 2) privatize all the public areas the NPS closed and have private operators or the states run them.
33 posted on 10/05/2013 8:46:34 PM PDT by MasterGunner01
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To: BwanaNdege
If that's a rescue vehicle, I'm the governor of Virginia.
34 posted on 10/07/2013 7:45:44 AM PDT by WayneS (Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos...)
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