Dem Says Aides Face Starvation Because of Sequester

Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 22 Mar 2013 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

A tearful Representative Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-Fla) blamed “heartless Republicans” for the “severe hardships” the sequester is imposing on members of her staff.

“Nearly half of my office staff has been forced to forgo lunch on a daily basis because of the cruel budget cuts that have been forced down our throats by the GOP,” the Congresswoman claimed.

The “toll of suffering” has been less than half because “some have been able to make do with sack lunches of leftovers or peanut butter sandwiches they bring from home,” she explained. “This is not a solution that can be applied across-the-board, though. Some simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches. Others feel that going out for lunch is an essential part of being a person of stature.”

Wasserman-Schultz suggested that those wanting to help preserve the dignity and health of those serving in government could make a cash donation to the “Congressional Aide Feeding Fund” and should call her office (202- 225-7931) to arrange for automatic monthly transfers from their checking accounts.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/03/22/dem-says-aides-face-starvation-because-of-sequester/

[EDINVA]

I called, didn’t you? Can’t see poor Dem staffers starving now, can we ?

[Focault's Pendulum]

Some simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches.

John, you don't know how close to the truth this is, as is the rest of your satire. Hysterical

Short but sweet. Cudos on hitting the liberal nerve!

[fatnotlazy]

Somehow I knew you would use this story for this week’s satire. Too irresistible to pass up.

Thanks yet again for the ping.

[berdie]

Darn it...this is just sooo sad.

[TChad]

Nice, but DWS is already a walking self parody.

If she had claimed that her staff desperately needed an increased daily liquor/drug ration I would have been more sympathetic.

[SunkenCiv]

#SaveTheStaffers: Twitter serves up delicious mockery of Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s starving staff

[SunkenCiv]

Thanks John Semmens. Related topics:

• Debbie Wasserman Schultz: Sequester nearly starving staffers
• WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: MY AIDES CAN'T AFFORD GOOD MEALS
• Wasserman-Schultz: My Aides on Brink of Starvation [sequester cuts.........]
• Sequester Hysteria, Part Duex: Starving Congressional Staffers, Democrat Budget and Other Nonsense
• They mastered space flight but they can't get through a wooden door? - Democrats Budget
• Sequester, Bigfoot, Unicorns and Other Horror Stories Politicians Tell
• DWS Worries Staff Being 'Priced Out' Good Meal Because of Sequester

from the Debbie Downer FRchives:

• Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: These tax hikes on the rich are just first step of "the balanced approach"
• Wasserman Schultz: Women Politicians 'Build Consensus, Put Aside Petty Differences'
• Wasserman Schultz: Wrong Statements About Libya Doesn't Mean They Were False (video)
• Anderson Cooper: Wasserman Schultz Living in 'Alternate Universe' Regarding Dem Platform Change

[theDentist]

Well, Deb, either pay them out of your own pocket, or tell them to go get a real job.