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Dem Says Aides Face Starvation Because of Sequester
Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 22 Mar 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/22/2013 11:08:06 PM PDT by John Semmens

A tearful Representative Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-Fla) blamed “heartless Republicans” for the “severe hardships” the sequester is imposing on members of her staff.

“Nearly half of my office staff has been forced to forgo lunch on a daily basis because of the cruel budget cuts that have been forced down our throats by the GOP,” the Congresswoman claimed.

The “toll of suffering” has been less than half because “some have been able to make do with sack lunches of leftovers or peanut butter sandwiches they bring from home,” she explained. “This is not a solution that can be applied across-the-board, though. Some simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches. Others feel that going out for lunch is an essential part of being a person of stature.”

Wasserman-Schultz suggested that those wanting to help preserve the dignity and health of those serving in government could make a cash donation to the “Congressional Aide Feeding Fund” and should call her office (202- 225-7931) to arrange for automatic monthly transfers from their checking accounts.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/03/22/dem-says-aides-face-starvation-because-of-sequester/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: debbiedowner; demagogicparty; democrats; satire; sequester; spending; starvation; wassermanschultz

1 posted on 03/22/2013 11:08:07 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 03/22/2013 11:09:38 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

LOL!


3 posted on 03/22/2013 11:10:24 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Whatever happened to the land of the free, home of the brave?)
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To: John Semmens

Wait! Whut?

I could swear I read she actually said this....

Satire on top of satire?

It’s too much John!

Too much!


4 posted on 03/22/2013 11:12:48 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously, you won't live through it anyway)
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To: John Semmens

SHEESH! Good one John. Thanks for the chuckle, and the ping.


5 posted on 03/22/2013 11:14:00 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

Yep! You make me sick John! Your humor is just to close to reality but, OH so funny.

I did read that nearly drowned and still wet behind the ears, with a most unfortunate hairdo did indeed say:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/mar/22/debbie-wasserman-schultz-sequester-nearly-starving/

Not to dump on your usual excellent humor but, it’s too damned much anymore.

I can’t stand the amount of stoopitity and ugly people anymore...


6 posted on 03/22/2013 11:16:16 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously, you won't live through it anyway)
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To: John Semmens

should we hope they eat eachother?


7 posted on 03/22/2013 11:17:34 PM PDT by jyro (French-like Democrats wave the white flag of surrender while we are winning)
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To: John Semmens

Wouldn’t it be nice if this were true...


8 posted on 03/22/2013 11:21:34 PM PDT by babygene ( .)
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To: John Semmens

Sorry Debbie whatshername? My give a damn is broken.


9 posted on 03/22/2013 11:22:25 PM PDT by cableguymn (The founding fathers would be shooting by now..)
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To: John Semmens

Doesn’t the cafeteria still serve the $2 Navy Bean soup?


10 posted on 03/22/2013 11:33:32 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet (I'll raise $2million for Sarah Palin's presidential run. What'll you do?)
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To: John Semmens

I keep having visons of people dressed in rags bent over their desks in a counting house working by candle light.


11 posted on 03/22/2013 11:36:57 PM PDT by count-your-change (you don't have to be brilliant, not being stupid is enough)
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To: John Semmens

She has enough in her saddle bags to sustain the masses.


12 posted on 03/22/2013 11:43:08 PM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: John Semmens

I’m going to be laughing about this the entire weekend and likely into next week.


13 posted on 03/23/2013 12:19:58 AM PDT by Diver Dave (Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow)
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To: John Semmens

Every time a Democrat aide starves, an angel gets his wings.


14 posted on 03/23/2013 12:34:08 AM PDT by Maceman
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To: John Semmens

There's always Food Stamps.


15 posted on 03/23/2013 12:39:06 AM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: John Semmens
Wasserman-Schultz suggested that those wanting to help preserve the dignity and health of those serving in government could make a cash donation to the “Congressional Aide Feeding Fund” and should call her office (202- 225-7931) to arrange for automatic monthly transfers from their checking accounts.

ROTFLMAO! Perfect! John, you really nailed this one!

16 posted on 03/23/2013 12:39:59 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing)
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To: John Semmens

LOL Sounds like something she would say.


17 posted on 03/23/2013 2:20:15 AM PDT by freekitty (Give me back my conservative vote; then find me a real conservative to vote for)
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To: ViLaLuz

That pig could feed an African village for 3-4 weeks.


18 posted on 03/23/2013 2:49:43 AM PDT by carriage_hill (The Most Insidious Power The Corrupt, Criminal Media Has, Is The Power To Ignore The Truth.)
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To: John Semmens; All
Hear it for yourself:


19 posted on 03/23/2013 3:25:09 AM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: John Semmens

Hell...had me looking up the toll free # for Dominoes before I realized it was you.

Good one John.


20 posted on 03/23/2013 3:31:19 AM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum -- "The Taliban is inside the building")
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To: John Semmens

Well, they can just quit and find another job. According to King Barry, there should be plenty to choose from!


21 posted on 03/23/2013 3:35:55 AM PDT by Fresh Wind (The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away.)
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To: markomalley
The aide to her left is sad, sad I tell you! Today was wagyu beef day at "Bourbon Steak" and those damned Republicans are making her starve! It's just criminal!
22 posted on 03/23/2013 3:43:56 AM PDT by COBOL2Java (Fighting Obama without Boehner & McConnell is like going deer hunting without your accordion)
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To: John Semmens

23 posted on 03/23/2013 3:44:19 AM PDT by mirkwood (project gutenberg)
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To: John Semmens

Hey Debbie. One egg in your hair every day is enough. Two gives it too much shine.


24 posted on 03/23/2013 3:45:08 AM PDT by St_Thomas_Aquinas
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To: John Semmens

“Dem Says Aides Face Starvation Because of Sequester”

Damn! Wouldn’t that be great!


25 posted on 03/23/2013 4:29:09 AM PDT by kenmcg (scapegoat)
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To: John Semmens

“Some simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches.”

I would change that sentence to

“All simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches.”

It would be a more accurate depiction of anyone who’d work in Debbie Wasserman-Schulz’s office.


26 posted on 03/23/2013 5:44:34 AM PDT by ReformationFan
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To: John Semmens

I know this is satire, but Rush was trying to explain the sequester for almost one week for the “low information voters”. There is no spending cut, but only a cut in the rate of growth in spending.

The dims think this is bad, just wait until the new fees and taxes in 0 bummer care kick in on Jan 1, 2014. The voters will really get ticked off at them for “We have to pass it to find out what’s in it”.


27 posted on 03/23/2013 5:49:21 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (For Jay Carney - I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.)
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To: John Semmens

When a chicken in every pot isn’t enough, now it’s a lobster that they’re wanting.


28 posted on 03/23/2013 5:49:42 AM PDT by bgill
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To: John Semmens

“Some simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches”

Heh. I find that part quite beleivable and not satire.


29 posted on 03/23/2013 6:14:38 AM PDT by dynachrome (Vertrou in God en die Mauser)
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To: John Semmens

Bwahahaha!


30 posted on 03/23/2013 6:26:13 AM PDT by Tench_Coxe
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To: John Semmens

Hilarious!


31 posted on 03/23/2013 6:39:35 AM PDT by Thorliveshere (Tais deau sá taghdedaul!)
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To: John Semmens

Hell, some of their bosses have tuened to a life of crime...


32 posted on 03/23/2013 6:44:56 AM PDT by bigbob
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To: John Semmens
Martha MaCallum OWNS Debbie Wasserman ...


33 posted on 03/23/2013 7:09:29 AM PDT by Servant of the Cross (the Truth will set you free)
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To: John Semmens

Will there be telethons? TV commercials showing aides in the desert with flies on their faces gripping empty bowls ?


34 posted on 03/23/2013 7:22:22 AM PDT by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: John Semmens
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz staffer food budget [per staffer]:

1. Breakfast — $100/day
2. Lunch — $500/day
3. Dinner — $1,200/day
4. Snacks — $50/day

Plus $50,000 for the fat farm of your choice (60 days) to get you back into shape.

Nibbles: Bollinger champagne, Beluga caviar, and lobster.

Nothing is too good for Debbie and her staff!

35 posted on 03/23/2013 7:44:11 AM PDT by MasterGunner01
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To: MasterGunner01

Nothing is too good for Debbie and her staff
= = = = = = = = = = = = =
I had suggested a couple of years ago pay the Cong/Senators 2, 3 5 (pick a number) Million and let them pay for their own staff, extra quarters, transportation, basically ‘we’ just pay for their offices and basic security.

If they want to hire their wife, mother, son, daughter, grandfather etc etc, fine — but you get your yearly payment 1st day of the session and budget yourself till the next year OR do without.

You would find fewer ‘staffers’, less vacations, of course the fancy rentals, 5 star restaurants and hotels they now frequent will be complaining but............

Anything left over at the end of the year is theirs.


36 posted on 03/23/2013 8:18:50 AM PDT by xrmusn (6/98 --I turn 75 next year- but remember, that's only 24 Celsius. (TKS R. Reagan))
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To: John Semmens

The bean soup makers in the Senate dining room were especially hard hit!!!


37 posted on 03/23/2013 8:20:59 AM PDT by Safetgiver ( Islam makes barbarism look genteel.)
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To: John Semmens

““Nearly half of my office staff has been forced to forgo lunch on a daily basis because of the cruel budget cuts that have been forced down our throats by the GOP,” the Congresswoman claimed.”

What a ditz. I’ve got my office lunches down to $1 a day. It’s not Red Lobster but it keeps me until supper time.


38 posted on 03/23/2013 8:22:00 AM PDT by Rebelbase (1929-1950's, 20+years for full recovery. How long this time?)
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To: John Semmens

If Democrats could not survive by eating the greasy black dirt underneath refrigerators, things would be much harder.


39 posted on 03/23/2013 8:34:42 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy (Best WoT news at rantburg.com)
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To: xrmusn
The transport and per diem costs for traveling Congress critters and their bloated staffs is where the money is. If you limited each politician to $1 million per year to pay for everything, there wouldn't be anything left outside staff salaries to do anything else. Awwww, the poor, poor babies! [Nothing would preclude these "public servants" from paying their own money for upgrades.]

Oh, yes, if these august personages need to travel, they can do it commercially and get fondled by the TSA goons. If not, they can fly space available in a military C-5, C-17, or C-130. [Can you imagine Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’ fat behind taking up two troop seats on a C-130? Or, Nancy Pelosi wolfing down a military “box lunch” with no champagne or caviar? The horror! The horror!!]

40 posted on 03/23/2013 8:37:04 AM PDT by MasterGunner01
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To: Smokin' Joe

I called, didn’t you? Can’t see poor Dem staffers starving now, can we ?


41 posted on 03/23/2013 10:18:31 AM PDT by EDINVA
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To: John Semmens
Some simply lack the skill required to assemble their own lunches.

John, you don't know how close to the truth this is, as is the rest of your satire. Hysterical

Short but sweet. Cudos on hitting the liberal nerve!

42 posted on 03/23/2013 1:57:25 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
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To: John Semmens

Somehow I knew you would use this story for this week’s satire. Too irresistible to pass up.

Thanks yet again for the ping.


43 posted on 03/23/2013 3:26:15 PM PDT by fatnotlazy
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To: John Semmens

Darn it...this is just sooo sad.


44 posted on 03/23/2013 6:37:07 PM PDT by berdie
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To: John Semmens
Nice, but DWS is already a walking self parody.

If she had claimed that her staff desperately needed an increased daily liquor/drug ration I would have been more sympathetic.

45 posted on 03/23/2013 7:41:45 PM PDT by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives.)
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#SaveTheStaffers: Twitter serves up delicious mockery of Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s starving staff

#SaveTheStaffers: Twitter serves up delicious mockery of Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s starving staff

46 posted on 03/24/2013 10:49:22 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Romney would have been worse, if you're a dumb ass.)
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To: John Semmens; AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Berosus; bigheadfred; Bockscar; ColdOne; ...

Thanks John Semmens. Related topics: from the Debbie Downer FRchives:
47 posted on 03/24/2013 10:49:49 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Romney would have been worse, if you're a dumb ass.)
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To: John Semmens

Well, Deb, either pay them out of your own pocket, or tell them to go get a real job.


48 posted on 03/24/2013 2:57:45 PM PDT by theDentist (FUBO; qwerty ergo typo : i type, therefore i misspelll)
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