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Head Start Students Do Worse
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Feb 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 02/24/2013 1:14:28 PM PST by John Semmens

The rationale for the federal government’s “Head Start” program is to give disadvantaged students a boost with their school work. Sadly, though, a recently completed research study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reveals that students enrolled in the program actually do worse than similarly disadvantaged peers not in the program. The biggest deficits show up in math and behavior.

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius urged that “we should not read too much into these findings. Given our society’s widespread access to computers, calculators, and cash registers that can do the math for us, proficiency in math may not be as an important a skill as it once was. Many people occupying positions of high authority in our government readily admit a lack of aptitude for math. So, I’d say that discovering that our Head Start students aren’t grasping the subject isn’t something I’d get worked up about.”

“The important thing is that President Obama has stressed how crucial this program is to his agenda,” Sebelius argued. “While this and previous studies have indicated that there seems to be little tangible benefit from the program, from what I’ve seen, the intangible gains are significant. When students are joyfully singing the president’s praises it is clear that their lives have been improved. I’ll take that over a dry comparison of test scores any day.”

The Secretary was disdainful of critics who see a disturbing similarity between the indoctrination of American children and that of North Korean children. “Just because we have our differences with these other cultures doesn’t mean that everything they do is wrong,” Sebelius pointed out. “Teaching children respect and reverence for the country’s leader strikes me as a very positive objective of our educational system.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/02/23/administration-lashes-out-at-congressmens-failure-to-consume-office-budget-allowance/


TOPICS: Education; Gardening; History; Politics
KEYWORDS: cult; nannystate; obama; satire

1 posted on 02/24/2013 1:14:39 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Nicely done! Nearly got me!!!


2 posted on 02/24/2013 1:17:23 PM PST by MortMan (Disarming the sheep only emboldens the wolves.)
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To: John Semmens

Ping.


3 posted on 02/24/2013 1:21:07 PM PST by Parmy
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To: John Semmens

I hate these semi-satire things. They are so true. SIGH.


4 posted on 02/24/2013 1:21:07 PM PST by USMCPOP (Father of LCpl. Karl Linn, KIA 1/26/2005 Al Haqlaniyah, Iraq)
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To: John Semmens

Satire?? Not really John??? But we love you!!


5 posted on 02/24/2013 1:31:24 PM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: John Semmens

Fareed Zakaria in a CNN commentary today was saying just about the same things you attribute to Sibelius. Are you sure you didn’t just lift the remarks from him ? ;)


6 posted on 02/24/2013 1:32:20 PM PST by gusopol3
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To: John Semmens
While this and previous studies have indicated that there seems to be little tangible benefit from the program, from what I’ve seen, the intangible gains are significant

For libtards, it's not the actual results that matter as long as the state is providing everyone with an equality of opportunity. Everybody can be equally worse off in their nurturing just as everybody is worse off with socialism, and they don't care.

7 posted on 02/24/2013 1:33:07 PM PST by mjp ((pro-{God, reality, reason, egoism, individualism, natural rights, limited government, capitalism}))
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To: mjp

Head Start isn’t for the kids, it’s for the Single Parents.


8 posted on 02/24/2013 1:35:19 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: USMCPOP

Where IS the satire?


9 posted on 02/24/2013 1:43:22 PM PST by donna (Pray for revival.)
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To: dfwgator

Can anyone tell me why parents who don’t have jobs need day care for their children?


10 posted on 02/24/2013 1:45:39 PM PST by Tax-chick (Whatever happens, I'll get through it. Or die trying.)
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To: Tax-chick

You’d rather have them take their kids along while they score their drugs?

(ok, that was sarcasm.......or was it?)


11 posted on 02/24/2013 1:48:47 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: dfwgator

I don’t know from sarcasm, these days ... but surely even buying drugs doesn’t require full-day preschool. What do people do all day if they’re not taking care of children or employed?


12 posted on 02/24/2013 1:55:12 PM PST by Tax-chick (Whatever happens, I'll get through it. Or die trying.)
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To: donna

“Where IS the satire?”

Yes, indeed. What if there were a “buyback” program where people could sell their kids. I’ll bet there would be a lot of takers.


13 posted on 02/24/2013 2:44:11 PM PST by USMCPOP (Father of LCpl. Karl Linn, KIA 1/26/2005 Al Haqlaniyah, Iraq)
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To: John Semmens

Which group has killed more people? Head Start grads or School of the Americas grads?


14 posted on 02/24/2013 3:26:20 PM PST by RPTMS
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To: RPTMS
Head Start grads or School of the Americas grads?

LOL...Brilliant!

15 posted on 02/24/2013 3:27:08 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: Tax-chick

Because they can’t watch their kids and smoke crack at the same time?


16 posted on 02/24/2013 3:33:42 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

As noted Obama supporter Bob Dylan put it, “There’s no success like failure.”


17 posted on 02/24/2013 5:23:04 PM PST by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives.)
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