Maybe I am sharing too much. But I have nowhere else to turn. I am (was?) a reporter for a weekly community newspaper in Quebec.
A couple of months ago, I was told I'd be freelancing--paid per picture and story, because my former boss, with whom I'd worked for seven years, is retiring and his daughter is taking over and wants new blood. My whopping income has dropped from $450 per week to around $100 per week, which has made things difficult financially at home. My husband makes a good income--but we needed that extra cash. Our house is aging and needs repairs.
We've been married for over two decades, have a 17 year-old son and a 13 year-old daughter. It is quite rare that we are intimate nowadays.
I went to pick up my check today--$190 for two weeks of work.
On point, I have a Masters Degree from the University of Chicago, a year of law school at Northwestern, law school that I finished at UC Boulder.
I find myself sleeping all the time recently. I turned 50 less than a month ago. I'm old now. I literally cannot wake up. I fell asleep on the couch, sitting up, while we were all watching "Grimm" tonight.
I know I need to get my act together, but I find myself crying and sleeping--and even when I clean things up, do laundry,etc., my husband seems to find fault. Maybe he's depressed too.
Because I cut myself as a teenager and got very sad on moving here, I am on medication. So that's not the answer.
Plus, my ten year-old nephew in WI has cancer -- very serious -- and if something happens to him or my Dad, I cannot even cross the border before my papers come in.
Anyway... I guess I just wanted to "vent" a bit. Freepers are a caring group of people.
Thank you for any advice you have. :)
J.
Next, cut back on your living expenses.
You will find another job.
If your depression doesn't lift soon, see a doctor. It's not a disgrace to be depressed- and it can be treated.
Good luck to you
When this year started I was depressed because of financial, legal and health problems. However, in the thick of it I never felt as close to God as I did then. That may sound counter intuitive but I literally felt every step I took was on a path set by our Heavenly Father.
Looking back, I see I was divinely driven with the attitude that when the going gets tough the tough get going. I got legal/medical help and financial opportunity was found and even has wild growth potential. I have faith that as long as I keep moving along my God given path things will at least now remain stable. I remarked just yesterday what a difference a year makes!
Start your year right now. Put faith in God, in that way remain positive and walk his path to a better life.
You may think this is a simple answer, but try it it works.....privately speak to the Lord.....
Bring your troubles to Him, and leave them with Him and go about your life doing what you can....
If you haven’t already, go through your budget line by line and get rid of absolutely everything that you don’t NEED. You might be surprised at how much you’re spending on what are really luxuries.
I don’t know what your lifestyle’s been like or what’s viable based on where you live, but some things that come to mind are.... Trash service (haul it yourself), lawn service, various subscriptions, gym/club memberships, cable tv, the kids’ allowances if they’re getting one (sorry guys).... Telephone land line if you’re using cell anyway. Stop eating out.
Take a good, hard look at your house. If it’s become an albatross around your necks, consider selling it and downsizing. You have one child nearly grown. Is a small condo or townhouse an option if you must own?
And don’t worry about getting older. It’s a sign of strength. Nobody lives to be old by being a wimp. =D
Have you had your thyroid checked? Low thyroid can exacerbate depression. I could not fight my depression until I got my thyroid levels up. It has made a world of difference.
Join the Marines. They never leave anybody behind.
If you are too old, join Free Republic. They have the same attitude.
Trust me girl, 50 is not old. Best thing to do is to get up early every day and head out the door for a run. Force yourself. It is hard to be depressed when you are running. It frees up your mind to wander without distractions of daily life. Running was always a carefree time for me. After a week or two, you will look forward to it and not have to force yourself. You will feel better about yourself and physically be in better shape. If you don’t like running (its best because it releases endorphins into your blood stream that give you a little “high”) then try any exercise regime. But do it regularly.
I recently had open heart surgery at age 64. I had complications where I “died” for a short while and had to be resuscitated. My doctor told me it was a miracle that I survived the cardiac arrest after surgery. It took months and months to recover, not only from the surgery but the after effects of the “near death” experience. But since then, I feel very blessed to be alive and little things that used to bother me in life, don’t anymore. I am much happier because I could see first hand in real time that I could have died and not come back. I don’t recommend this as a cure for your depression, of course, but feel compelled to relate the story to you to illustrate that things in life can always be worse than what you have now.
Try to count your blessings instead of dwelling on your shortcomings. Life will seem much brighter for you. I hope this advice will help. Good luck and keep your chin up. Things do get better with time.
Maybe you are not on the right meds, because it sure sounds like you have symptoms of clinical depression. Also be aware that some physical conditions (like thyroid, mentioned by others), can have a profound effect on mood and well-being.
Just throwing this out - have you considered something like Lyme disease? It can also show symptoms similar to yours. Don't rule out an undiagnosed physical/medical condition.
When you are up to it, do a little online research on depression medications - some work better than others for certain people. If you haven't already, go to your doctor and get a complete physical with blood work - to rule out any medical conditions.
If your doctor is not on board with aggressively trying to find out what's causing your depression and helping you, then get another doctor.
So, you are now an unemployed print journalist; why does that not surprise me? why does it surprise you? The simple fact that you came here to tell your story should tell you the way print journalism is going, just like the Dodo bird it will be extinct in a few years.
That does not mean you should give up your career, it just means you have to change a little.
Your income with your tightwad boss was 450 a week, wow.
Dearheart; YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT! My mother worked as a waitress for over 50 years and for many of those years she supported a family of four just on her wages and tips.
I understand that you want to keep on writing but we do what we have to in order to keep the boat afloat.
Plus the fact you would be amazed at the human stories you will hear at the tables and behind the counter. Write them up and send them in; can’t hurt, and you might be surprised at the reaction you get when some one hears the point of view of the average man and woman on the street.
The sleeping all the time and being tired is a sign of depression; you are only a whole 50 years young and still have at least 30 to 40 productive years in front of you, SO GET OFF YOUR DUFF AND DO SOMETHING. The longer you allow the world to kick you the easier it will get, so don’t allow them to do it at all.
You have a good education, us it for something in a related field, doesn’t have to be writing but I am sure you could work that in some how. What I am trying to tell you is; DAMN CHILD, BE CREATIVE, you already have the tools you need.
Don’t let the rest of the world run your life, because they are not qualified to do so.
Always remember kiddo, “NON ILIGITIMA CABORUNDUM”, (don’t let the bastards wear you down).
Now go out and conquer the world, you know how to do it.
I had clinical depression and no insurance or money for treatment. I could barely make it 10 feet from my bed but forced myself to go to the library to read on the subject. Even though this was 25 years ago, I still remember the four things that all the books had in common which I believe saved my life.
1. Get out of bed.
2. Open the drapes.
3. Go outside and get sunlight on my skin.
4. Force myself to go to public places and interact with people.
It sounds too simple to be effective, but I was broke and couldn’t afford medical care or meds and it worked. I also will point out that most of the authors I read never mentioned the most important facet to healing yourself and that is a deep spiritual relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.
I pray you are healed and can pass these simple steps on to others.
50 isn’t old. I’m 54 and can do more push ups, pull ups and run further than most 18 year olds. That part is in your head.
I was a radio talk show host until 2003 when I got fired and made a decision to stay in one place (radio talkers mover a lot) so that my daughters could have a stable life. I went into real estate at age 45. Brand new at it. I’ve had some good years and some not so good years. Bottom line is I kept at it, developed relationships and put my life and future in the hands of God. My wife is a stay at home Mom.
BTTT. Enjoy your good health. Quit with the “I’m 50 and old” crap. Go to a gym. Walk. Join a “Jazzersize” class. You’ll feel better, look better and develop confidence.
Bless you. Lots of good ideas on this thread; especially Post # 3. - When our bodies call for rest, there are just times we have to take a nap (without feeling guilty); it’s surprising how we wake up recharged. - Do one major job a day; it’s also surprising how just that accomplishment adds up to make one feel better about things. - Be thankful for what money IS coming in; and it IS important to give - to others and to the Lord. - So, splash your face, brush your teeth, brush your hair back and take it a day at a time!
I had chronic depression last year. These activities helped:
1. Start your day by making a list of what you want to do that day. Cross things off as you knock each item out. This gives you a sense of accomplishment by the end of the day.
2. Write a list of 50 to 100 things you believe. Whittle that down to your top 15 or 20. Then whittle that down to 5 to 7. Write those down on an index card and laminate it. Carry it with you always. Look at it frequently. That card describes the “ideal you” - so every time you look at your “ideal you” card, ask yourself what the person on that card would do next. Then do that.
3. If you are depressed for too long, your brain can get rewired to the point that it “forgets” how to be happy. Be aware of how your own body is playing a role in keeping the status quo of depression, and force it to get out there and do something active and healthy instead. Even a 20 minute walk can get the good stuff flowing in your blood and brain again. Just keep at it, never give up or give in. Willpower is the key.
4. Volunteer. Food bank volunteering worked for me. Helping hungry people get food puts things in a different perspective - you might lack steady work, but at least you have food, and can help others who don’t even have that much.
5. Stay away from TV for awhile. The media programming these days emphasizes drama drama drama, and your physical system can’t cope right now. The programs are designed to create tension on purpose, and the advertisements to relieve that tension. The whole shibang is an emotional rollercoaster. Get a good book and listen to music you like.
aerobics
I see you’ve already been given lots of helpful and practical suggestions, so I’ll just add that I also sympathize with your struggles and I’ll be praying for you today. Sometimes ... a lot of times ... life kicks us in the teeth, but if we keep fighting, we can prevail, even if we have a few less teeth. We liked ice cream, anyway, right?
Hang in there, FRiend!
For later reading.
My heart breaks for you. But, you have a skill a lot of people do not have. You have the ability to write, and there are many things you could do with that. Exlore every avenue: books, brochures, publications, the list is really endless. What is your passion? What have you always wanted to do? It may not feel like the best thing that could happen to you, but you could turn this around to doing what you’ve always wanted to do. The money will come, God provides for all.
Good luck and God Bless.
I have been where you are, truly. Keep your spirits up and stop worrying about what might happen. Enjoy the moment and trust God in everything. I don’t mean a skeptical trust but an open and honest trust. Throw everything on Him and go do the things that make you feel good. Feed the ducks, listen to good music, watch the sunrise (my fav time) or the sunset.
There is more to life than most realize and when you have nothing to worry about (ie God) you can truly start enjoying it. Thing will beging to fall into place.
I hope and pray that you find the guidance you need.
I have been where you are, truly. Keep your spirits up and stop worrying about what might happen. Enjoy the moment and trust God in everything. I don’t mean a skeptical trust but an open and honest trust. Throw everything on Him and go do the things that make you feel good. Feed the ducks, listen to good music, watch the sunrise (my fav time) or the sunset.
There is more to life than most realize and when you have nothing to worry about (ie God) you can truly start enjoying it. Thing will begin to fall into place.
I hope and pray that you find the guidance you need.
My story: On Father’s Day 2008 we received the call that our son was in a pickle. Jeremy and friends had been to the beach that day. He wanted to show a couple of them where he wanted to propose the 2 boys against the wishes of his girlfriend went to climb on the rocks by the ocean and while doing so a freak wave washed both boys into the ocean. Our son was never found. Jeremy was serving the Lord in Australia since graduation. Fortunately, we had just spoken to him that morning. It was my husbands only child and my 2nd. An amazing young man. All I could do was turn around in my house and say this stuff means nothing. We have continue to pick ourselves up and have seen how Jeremy’s life has touched others through his testimony to nations around the world. His motto which he had tatooed on his chest was Philippians 1.21 for me to live is Christ, and if I die it is gain. The youth he encouraged in Australia came to the memorial and wore lime green armbands with 1.21 on it...short for that scripture you can see a video at onetwentyone.com.
I had just retired 2 weeks before the accident, we have since relocated and have started over...we realized we needed sun.
A few years before all this my husband came home from work one day and I casually asked him how was your day. He said you won’t believe it but I was laid off...he had transferred into another shop and the longevity did not go with the job. I became pro-active like one of the other people posted. I did my reasearch online, contacted unemployment, sold our big gas guzzler, got rid of stuff online, and survived. I encourage you to be pro-active also....get up off the couch, exercise, get sunshine, do you hair, put on your makeup, all that helps you feel better. YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS if we can make it through out difficulties you can!
Encourage your nephew in the Lord. We do not grieve like those who have no hope.
Anyway, I will help however I can! God bless....