Health Care Bill Would Require People to Pay More, Get Less

Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 7 Novemner 2009 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Analysis of the pending Obama Administration health care bill indicates that most taxpayers will end up paying more, yet get less medical care than they currently do under preexisting plans. This, however, is not a bad thing according to an Obama Administration spokesperson.

“An estimated 90% of visits to the doctor are unnecessary,” observed Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius. “By eliminating as many of these visits as we can, we will hold down the cost of care. We will also be reducing the frequency with which patients are injured by doctors. Most people aren’t aware that being treated by a doctor is the nation’s third leading cause of death. Only heart disease and cancer kill more people. By keeping more people out of this high risk zone through rationing, more lives will be saved.”

“At the same time, by levying higher taxes on the general population we will reduce the funds available for expenditures on items detrimental to their health,” she continued. “For example, if you have less money in your pocket you won’t be buying unnecessary food. Since the majority of our population is overweight, buying less food will improve their health.”

Sebelius pointed out that “studies of lab rats put on near starvation diets show that life expectancies actually increase. So, there’s a solid argument for trying to move Americans closer to this experimental ideal. If we can accomplish this by taxing people more we shouldn’t hesitate to take that bold step.”

In related news, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) characterized claims that the pending bill would authorize taxpayer funding for abortion as “false.” “The bill does not explicitly allocate any funding for abortion,” Pelosi said. “The bill merely empowers the Secretary of Health and Human Services to make that determination. The only abortions that will be funded are those that the Secretary approves.”

[tflabo]

“An estimated 90% of visits to the doctor are unnecessary,” observed Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius

And just who the hades is she to tell Americans when they choose to visit their doctors? All you Mom's out there should be enraged---if your child gets sick and you want to visit the doctor that's your choice...so much for the Pro Choice elitists in DC taking away yours!

[JSDude1]

Please Let your REPRESENTATIVE know your OPPOSITION to this bill: HR 3962

(202)224-3121

or http://www.congress.org/congressorg/directory/congdir.tt

[MilicaBee]

“Health Care Bill Would Require People to Pay More, Get Less”

Welcome to communism.

[This I Wonder32460]

Satire! I hate Satire! no-lol I used to get all worked up about the outrageouses that satire expresses because I know these satirical pieces express what I suspect the lefties really believe, now I’ve learned to stop my reaction and look for info that tells me it is satire not the God’s honest truth but the suspected God’s honest truth. lol?

[Gandalf_The_Gray]

now I’ve learned to stop my reaction and look for info that tells me it is satire not the God’s honest truth but the suspected God’s honest truth.

Well, the headline "Health Care Bill Would Require People to Pay More, Get Less" is indisputably true, no?

Regards,
GtG

[gman992]

Dude, don’t do that...I’m having trouble discriminating between what they ACTUALLY said and what they could actually mean.

[This I Wonder32460]

I suspect the headline was true. It was this line: “An estimated 90% of visits to the doctor are unnecessary” that alerted me to look for evidence that it was sarcasm. Because yes more all the time we are paying more for less, especially when the gov is in charge.